at my wits end with DS and food

[curableromantic]

DS is a big, strong, tall baby. He was born on the 50th percentile and hit the 95th within a matter of weeks (he was bf on demand till 8.5 months). I started to wean him at 6 months and although initially he showed some interest this all stopped with teething and he now hardly eats anything.

I've followed the fun till 1 approach but now he's nearly 1 and still eating tiny amounts, a teaspoon-full and often nothing at a mealtime.

He has mainly finger foods - I've completely given up with any mashed up stuff because he refuses to be fed. If I try and feed him he turns his head away and if I'm silly enough to try again, he'll scream to get down from his chair.

At mealtimes he's very relaxed (he's a jolly, sociable baby) and we laugh and joke together. I don't think I'm stressing him.

He drinks gallons of milk, according to no particular timetable, just when he asks for it. I've tried giving him milk before and after meals. Neither works.

I think he's hungry but I'm somehow stopping him from eating. Feeling a bit useless about it all.

He's a big, strong baby, obviously in rude health and very happy. SIL, whose advice I usually trust, tells me to cut back milk feeds so he learns to associate food with satisfying his hunger - but this sounds wrong to me and would really upset DS who loves his milk (now on 50/50 cows and formula).

Any advice?

yes. get hold of a copy of my child won't eat

iot's ridiculously expensive to buy, but you may be able to order it froim your local library.
otherwise your nearest LLL group will prob have a copy you can borrow

69.93! That put ME off my dinner...

I'll contact LLL, they have a group v. near me. Thanks.

What's he like with finger foods outside of mealtimes? Does he snack? ds is 10 mo, and I've just realised that what he wants to do most of all is feed himself with a spoon - we did BLW but apparently that's Not Good Enough for him, so I hold the bowl, have some spare spoons, and he does it. Messily.

Habbibu, he'll put anything in his mouth and loves to snack. He'll eat anything - just never any quantity at all.

Tonight I gave him strips of lamb fillet, avocado and fresh mango - he ate a couple of tiny strips of lamp and preferred to suck the mango and avocado off the tray rather than let me help him.

But the overall amount he ate was tiny (disappointing amounts discovered in chair, nappy and on floor .

We haven't had much luck with the spoon, having been using fingers. He usually plays with a spoon or two though.

The more distracted he is, the more he eats. But I'm sure I'm not stressing him out, he SO jolly I can't be. He just seems to have a tiny appetite for food and a massive one for milk.

Maybe lots of frequent snacks for now, just to make you feel more at ease over his intake, and while he works up to bigger meals?

hmn, yes that's a good idea. I've started giving him two dinners - he'll eat when he's interested but bores quickly. I also take out pots of food with me when we're in the park.

If I try to carry on encouraging him to eat when he's refused, he'll open his mouth then raspberry it out rudely

I suppose I have to trust him.

ds bores quickly sometimes, so then I stick fruit on his tray - he eats a bit of that, and then goes back to main course. He also likes quite a lot of water with meals.

They sound quite similar Habbibu! So you wouldn't worry then, seeing as he's clearly healthy and definitely not at all underweight?

Well, no, I wouldn't with ds, though I think he does eat more than yours. But there isn't much you can do, other than keep offering, show enthusiasm, give him different ways to eat and look chilled anyway! DD used to like pancakes, so I'd make wee ones and shove all kinds of stuff - veg, fruit, chicken , tuna, etc into the mix. Handy meal/snack in one.

I'd go with your SIL.

He will at some point have to associate food with hunger.

I'd give no milk at all for 1.5 hours before a meal, and give water instead.

the carlos gonzales book talks about how we need to trust our children to take what they need, and i agree with it

when they are little and breastfeeding we trust them to take what they need, and feed when they are hungry.
we need to do the same with solids. your little one is eating what he needs to eat, when he needs to eat and that's no bad thing IMO!

I also think your sil has a point. If he is full of milk, of course he wont want to eat proper food. You could cut out a feed or offer less at each to give him more of an appetite. At 1 year they really dont need much milk at all (equivalent of 350mls/approx 12oz)

Tonight we were at the park for a couple of hours, he was playing in the water, etc. No milk. Got back at 6. So he was starving. He loves meat, so he gave him chunks of grilled lamb - he ate just a couple, a bit of avocado and mango then asked to get out of his chair. He had a bottle of milk (7floz) then a bath, then another 7floz before bed. He'll have another dream feed at 11ish and will wake in the night (but just cuddles and back to sleep).

It just doesn't make sense. He likes food, he's big, energetic and joyful - with a tiny appetite for solids.

So I"ve tried not giving him milk before his dinner. The next step, if I were to take it, would be to not give him his milk after his dinner when he really wants it. I'm willing to try it but it seems quite extreme when he's not suffering in any way from a lack of solids.

Thanks for all your replies.

At age one I would try and limit his milk to maybe one bottle morning, after lunch and bedtime. He doesn't really need 3/4 pint of milk between dinner and bedtime. He does need to learn to be hungry and as milk is food and drink, he's getting his appetite satisfied with milk alone.

Don't overestimate how much solid food babies need, it's a lot less than you think. If you were to put the food he had eaten into a sandwich bag with a little water, mash it up and then see how much mush it creates, you can see how that would soon fill his stomach.

Hi Curable - this sounds a little like my DS. He suddenly started eating about 11 months, but even now he'll leave entire meals if he's distracted (picnics are a nightmare!). I was reluctant to cut down milk because he loved it, but I replaced them with snacks and water, which are sometimes bigger than his meals, so he 'eats' five times a day. He won't be fed (unless it's petit filous!), but it was only when a friend showed me the size of a puree pot that I realised I had unrealistic expectations of what he might eat.

thanks babybouncer, he loves to drink water so that could be a good plan. What sort of snacks did you find worked well?

Ditto with the petit filous here! DS will always swallow one of those with his pride...

I thought at one they only needed one pint of milk a day. How many would you reckon he is having?

I think too much milk is the answer - however I wouldn't be all that worried at this stage if he is healthy. There's nothing wrong exactly, it's just that he prefers to get his calories from milk instead of solids.

I'd have thought you'd have lots of time and opportunities in the coming weeks/months to reduce the milk intake, eg when he moves to a cup they are smaller and you will be offering smaller amounts.

I don't know if this will help, but have you tried offering very small pieces of food, peas etc.? My DS (a year old) loves to pick these up carefully one at a time.

The kinds of snacks I offered with the water were - breadsticks, dried fruit/raisins, cubes of fruit or cheese, a couple of rice cakes or rich tea finger biscuits, organix crisps or snack bars. Ideally given in his high chair while I had a cuppa (or sometimes sat on my lap - but not running around playing).

Again, his appetite varies hugely, so sometimes he'll demand more and sometimes he'll just push it away.

thanks for all the tips everyone. Babybouncer. I'll see how we get on today - aiming for 3 bottles of milk.

If anyone comes back to this thread - we have good news!

I went with the frequent snacks - so I was much less worried if he didn't eat much at one sitting. Today he had toast, roast beef, vegetables, fruit, salmon and gnocchi - and just three bottles of milk. Following Chocolatemoose's suggestion I also gave him pomegranate seeds to keep him busy in his chair and he really loved them.

A total success!