15 month old eats at nursery, not at home

[corgikelly]

...and I'm not sure what to do about it. For the past fivemonths, he has refused everything at home except:

Cereal
Yogurt
Bread
Hummous
Raisins

At nursery, however, he eats well - meat, veg, fruit purees, you name it - although I'm a bit cross that they are still largely on pureed foods at this age there (except for the occasional bread and cheese/jam). So at least he's getting one good meal per day during the week. But weekends are a nightmare.

His automatic reaction to EVERYTHING we try to give him at home is to clench his mouth shut, turn away and start screaming. It doesn't matter if it's pureed, chunky, finger food, homemade, out of a jar. whatever. It doesn't matter if we're eating it at the same time or not. We've tried bringing leftovers home from the nursery - same thing.

I know kids go through phases, but we love food, love to eat, and it's so disheartening to see him reject everything out of hand.

He took so long to sleep through the night that I think we are terrified he'll revert to night wakings if he eats nothing, so we are usually guilty of capitulating and giving him one of the foods he WILL eat after he refuses everything else.

Do we need to get tough and insist - i.e., let him go hungry until he'll eat what he's offered? If so, how does that work? If he refuses lunch, do we give him nothing until his scheduled snack time a few hours later? And at that snack time, do we give him what was offered previously, or what he would usually have, such as Cheerios or yogurt?

Many thanks for your help (though I'm not even sure this belongs on this thread, given his age. I may post on the Behaviour/Development thread, too).

Good luck with this - I hope someone has some useful advice for you. As a person who was an incredibly difficult eater from a very young age (through to adolescence) I will say that I remember my mother complaining that I would eat when I was away from her (with friends/their parents) but not at home. I remember feeling an incredible amount of pressure to eat at home. I'm not saying you are necessarily intentionally pressuring your son - but the slightest thing can be interpreted as pressure by a baby/child. As a mum myself now I can see how frustrating and worrying it must be when your child doesn't eat. But whatever you do - keep a light and happy attitude with your son at mealtimes. Otherwise mealtimes (which always seem to be around the corner) will be something you will all dread and the atmosphere can get very heavy. My guess is that the atmosphere at nursery is pretty relaxed - after all, the carer's job is to offer food, not ensure that the children do eat. Bottom line is you care a lot more whether your child eats than anyone else will.
If your son is happy to eat certain things at home, then let him eat what he wants and don't make an issue of it. Then gradually offer different foods - without a hint of expectation or pressure. Don't go overboard with praise at a finished meal regardless of what he does eat or he will know it's really important and may feel pressured to eat that way too.

If you want a book for reference, I have 'Feed Your Child Well' - which has a chapter dedicated to food refusal. Apparently it is very common, so try not to get too stressed. Good luck.

I am having a similar problem to you. My 12 month old has never shown much interest in food and immediately starts screaming as soon as we put her bib on for feeding.

The whole feeding process is a constant battle and usually involves me getting her to eat a few mouthfuls with toys and the tv as a distraction, but after that she just spits the food out and screams. This evening she managed to catch hold of her bowl and launched the whole lot over my nice new rug!

Our childminder says that she eats ok with her (although she has the odd off day) which makes it even more frustrating. I can't take her out anyway and feed her as she makes a massive scene by screaming so much.

I am pretty much at the end of my tether with it as this has been going on for 6 months now, so I will be interested to see if you get any good advice

OK, now I get to eat my words - having referred back to the book 'Feed Your Child Well' it says to give 'lots of praise... even if a small quantity of food is eaten'. Though I'm certain I read elsewhere that you shouldn't make a big deal of it (I'm weaning at the moment so reading everything on my shelf for what it's worth!).
General guidance from the book is:

1. Don't force-feed
2. Don't offer alternatives if your child refuses to eat.
3. Don't give a lot of attention to food refusal (because children love attention even if it is negative) & don't let the child hear you talk about their eating issues.
4. Stay calm & positive - don't show your frustration.
5. Allow your child to have likes & dislikes.