Gaming Time and Headset Shouting

[StarWarsDad2255]

Hi all,

My son is 12 years old and he's always been a big fan of PlayStation gaming. Since Covid, he's discovered the headsets as a way to connect to friends. At first, it seemed like a blessing in lockdown as he's an only child and could at least have some contact with his friends.

But over the past few years, he's become more and more reclusive from me and his Mum, in favour of many gaming hours in the bedroom.

Sometimes on the weekends, he's in there for literally the whole day with just a few breaks for food and using the toilet.

I feel that this is way too much and I also get angry at the constant shouting that comes from his room when he's on the headset. Sometimes he's literally shouting at the top of his voice with excitement and you can hear him out on the street.

My wife tells me that this is the modern way, that all kids are doing it and that we more or less just have to put up with it. But I've also I've read parenting guidelines that say gaming should be restricted to around 2 hours a day, even on weekends.

We generally get on well as a couple but this behaviour causes a lot of arguments between us, as my wife seems to tolerate the long gaming sessions and constant noise from his room without much care. So whenever I ask him to stop and do something different, the wife just sees me as 'over-reacting', 'stress-head' etc.

Some days I feel like I can't put up with this for much longer, but I also doubt myself and wonder if I am just out of touch.

Can anyone share a perspective on this for me?

Is this actually the 'new childhood' or should we start restricting his gaming time?

Also, what can we do as parents to stop the screaming down the headsets as it's so frustrating?

Any help or thought would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks guys!

Hi there,

The term ‘the wife’ is really grating and shows that you and I are from very different worlds.

But! I totally agree with you and your point of view on the gaming time. Screen use is a bone of contention in my house and it’s a constant source of conflict between me and my kids, who are determined to remain screen obsessed/addicted.

I see it as a frustrating but necessary part of parenting that I limit their screen time (that is, phones, PlayStation, tv - any device) and keep talking to them about enjoying these things within healthy limits. I see it as on a par with eating healthily taking regular exercise, being kind and considerate to others etc etc.

Keeping them within healthy limits of screen use is part of our role as parents.

My DS 12 does this when he's on VR headset .. but we limit him to 3 40 min sessions a day..with varied results.. he also plays on his phone with friends & again we limit it.. not as much as I'd like but he's just not a sporty / outdoorsy boy & frankly I'd rather he be doing this than hanging round streets like some his age are doing.. I quite like hearing him so animated & having fun! we insist he comes on a long dog walk one day of each weekend & he's full on with sch & activities all week so it's a balance. It's difficult when you & your OH aren't on the same page though..

Yes he's definitely gaming too much. Does he have any other activities- sports or otherwise? Would he be open to doing things with you like cinema or parkrun or anything really?
It's a tricky age particularly for an only- we have one - because they aren't old enough to organise their own friendships. Could you also invite some friends round ?

Why are you letting him play all day? Gaming is fine but as with most things in life, doing something to excess is never good! A few hours a day is what you need. The max my ds age 12 is allowed to do is 4hrs if he's having a bit of a gaming and chill day...BUT he has to take breaks and move around a bit every now and then. I hate him sitting for hours in the same place, not moving. Try to put a time in place and the shouting etc will stop. Been there!

The shouting is just part of it, remind him often to lower his voice and teach him to self-regulate, otherwise he'll become one of those blokes you read about on here shouting his head off at 4am and waking his newborn. But it's not really a huge deal, it's just excitement. If he has noise-cancelling headphones then change them for normal ones as it's harder to hear yourself with the noise cancellers.

But really the issue is the length of time he's allowed to game. He clearly can't self-regulate and so you have to do it for him. Don't know how you do that when your partner isn't on the same page though, because it needs a united front to handle what will be some fairly poor behaviour as he gets used to the new rules.

From the point of view of a gamer, it is so hard to regulate volume whilst you have the game noise, other players and a noise cancelling headset on. I have to very consciously regulate my volume, which I find a challenge at nearly 40. I'd imagine it's a lot harder for a twelve year old. One thing that helps is limiting to volume of the game and other players, so that you have to be quieter to hear them.

My kids game, use headsets and have in the past had to be told to not be so loud. They’re good kids though and just get carried away having fun.

My kids definitely game for more than 2 hours on weekend days, but not all day and definitely not when they were 12. You both need to actually parent.