How do you cope with elderly mother disapproving of plant based meals?

[guildingthelily]

Hi all,

I did veganuary a few years ago and since then I have been eating mainly plant based food with the odd bit of fish or seafood. Anyhow, my mum cannot help but pass comments on how she feel that the problem with vegan food is that it does not contain all the right nutrients that you can get from dairy and meat. As well as it being processed. Now and again I buy ready made vegan burgers or sausages. As I am a very busy single parent who works full time as a teacher.

It's a real bone of contention. She is pro cows milk and meat all the way. To the extent where she could never serve vegan or vegetarian food to guests who are meat eaters.

The even more annoying part is she makes it clear that she disapproves of my children eating plant based meals. Even though they eat dairy filled cheese, ice-cream and butter. If they ever eat tofu, vegan burgers or sausages or heaven forbid drink oat milk, she has to announce her opinions on it not being a full protein with enough calcium, nutrients etc for growing children.

My children and I are not at all full vegans. But many meals are plant based.

Any advice? It's driving me up the wall. She is in her 70's, so from a different generation, but even so 😬

Think of a stock phrase and repeat it, ‘ah, we disagree on this’ with a smile. She’s being rude but obviously cares about you and your dc so I’d try to grin and ignore if possible!

Just smile and change the conversation.

The amount of UPF is concerning, she does have a point there. Could you batch cook vegan chillis or curries or similar to reheat when you are busy?

Would she read information or watch something? I haven’t any suggestions of what, but there is plenty out there to dispel the myth of poor nutrition…

gamechangers, maybe?

I'd either ignore it or just say something like "yes, we've already had this conversation and we are never going to agree. It is not up for discussion."

Why does she even know what you eat? Does she live with you?

My in laws thought that bringing up children as vegans was terrible. I just ignored them, I had no respect for their opinions.

"Thank you for your comments" while pointedly ignoring her advice may make her give up. Or a stern talking to.

Option a) ask her with faux concern if she's getting enough vitamins and fibre in her meaty diet, and if she's worried about carcinogens in sausages and bacon
Or b) Stop talking about food

I use ready made burgers/sausages about twice a month max. Which in my mind is not much. I do normally cook from scratch using lentils, chick peas, black beans etc. I give the kids chicken once a week. Although my son lives Quorn and requests it 😅

I wouldn't mind but I distinctly remember quite a lot of Findus crispy pancakes and cheap beef burgers as a child, that she fed me 🤷🏼‍♀️

I am tempted to do option a, but I believe she is an adult and can make her own choices. I just wish the sentiment was returned 😬

Í live with elderly MIL who has dementia; she complains about everything so I gave up on the food side and buy good quality meat based ready meals for her which I serve with fresh veg (her teeth are not good so it's all a bit soft but easy for her to eat).
I eat what I want (mostly fish/plant based) and serve DP his with added meat.
One can only do so much and some arguments are not worth it! She is 95 and her food/nutritional knowledge comes from the 1950s & 60s very different to today.

"Fucking hell, mother, do you enjoy sounding like a broken record? This conversation is over."

If that doesn't work, stop spending time with her. She's insanely disrespectful to you.

I sympathise and am not sure. If I so much as mention a Linda McCartney sausage to DM, she will ask me “but what is in them?”

I wouldn't mind but I distinctly remember quite a lot of Findus crispy pancakes and cheap beef burgers as a child, that she fed me

Same.

I'm not as old as your mum but I bet she did domestic science at school. I was taught that meat is a 'complete protein' and the implication was that this meant it was better than 'incomplete protein' which it isn't. It just refers to the number amino acids our bodies can't make.

Just tell her your meals contain all nine essential amino acids that make up a complete protein.

If she wants your children to eat meat then she can cook for them every day, 3 times a day and what time does she want them for breakfast?

I wouldn't mind but I distinctly remember quite a lot of Findus crispy pancakes and cheap beef burgers as a child, that she fed me

I’d mention that every single time she talks about processed food and the importance of nutrition.

I would tell her you’ll stop visiting if she keeps judging.

I have read the ingredients in them and apart from anything there is a heap of salt, but why does it matter what she thinks if it works for you just get on with it