Relocating from England to Scotland as a single mum

[TheOldSoul]

Hi :)
I am hoping for some advice / guidance, I own a house in south west England, it’s just me, my son and our dog and we have no one else, no family. We want to relocate to Scotland with our plan being to rent first but then buy a little place in the highlands as remote as possible, or even Shetland. We have got rid of loads of our belongings and our house is now on the market. The drive time from where we live will be at least 12 hours and both myself and my son have medical conditions plus our dog is elderly and receiving palliative care so travelling up to view properties is not really an option as it’s bad enough we are going to have to do it once we have sold. So my original plan was to ask for remote viewings and find a rental without viewing in person first but now the house is on the market I’m starting to panic and wonder if I’m being a complete idiot!!?! Help! I can’t see any other option, is it a completely stupid thing to do or is it fairly normal when relocating to a new country? I’m both scared and excited in equal measures and my son (teenager) is desperate to leave and cannot wait for the new adventure. Doing it alone though as a single parent is very frightening. Has anyone else done this or something similar?

Why are you doing this?

And since you have medical conditions have you considered the implications of potentially being miles/hours from access to a doctor or hospital?

I agree that I worry you’re romanticising this. All your problems will still be with you but even more remote.

Have you ever been to these places as they are pretty tough.

Remote rural means a complete reliance on a car and are not great with certain medical conditions, especially if it means regular trips to the dr/hospital.

Have you ever lived in Shetland or the far north. Do you have a support network up there. Have you looked into support services, how are you going to support yourself financially?

You can view property on YouTube but it's not going to give you a true representation of what the house and area are really like.

BIL lives on Mull. He has had several medical emergencies over the years he's lived there. It's meant returning to the mainland for surgeries. That's OK if the ferries are running but once he had to be airlifted by helicopter from the school playing field. (No airport on Mull).

Why the Highlands/Shetland? Do you have friends or family in Scotland? Have you spent significant amount of time anywhere up in Scotland? What stage is your son at with his education? Very different education systems.

I’d avoid Shetland

there’s so many other places to go

To be honest there is remote and there is remote. Remote can be 50-80 miles away from the nearest vet, hospital and doctors can be an equally elusive service.

Have you considered somewhere like Orkney, Oban or even the borders which can have a remote feel but services are a bit closer by. You can still get a remote feel without the considerable distances needed to get vet/doctor services etc

Just research where it is you want to base yourself. The highlands are not quite the paradise you might think it is but there are very acceptable alternatives.

Hi OP
How well do you know the areas you’re thinking of moving to? It does sound like a huge move, both for you and your son. Others have made very good points about medical access - all I’ll say is that my parents lived on the mainland but very far north and increasingly struggled as they got older and needed medical support (their nearest hospital was in Inverness which was a two hour drive).

What will your DS do? Is he still in education? In many areas kids have to travel long distances to school (especially to secondary school) and you’re probably aware the Scottish system and curriculum is different.

And what about you? What are your options in terms of work?

It is an amazing part of the country but it’s a huge move and, from the little you’ve said in here, I do worry you’ve not given it enough thought.

You could ask for this thread to be moved to Scotsnet.
I would think very hard about this OP. I live in Oban and I don't think I would move here if I or my children had medical conditions that needed regular attention from medical staff. There is a small hospital but for most things you still have to travel to Glasgow.
Also, there is a massive shortage of rental properties and houses for sale. The local FB sites are full of people who are desperately looking for somewhere to live. There are probably areas that are better but many, especially the touristy ones, have housing shortages.

I’d take the house off the market and spent the next couple of years looking more closely at this. People in the Highlands and Islands have particular challenges in accessing services, dependent on weather and often the state of the ferries. The NHS also struggles to recruit in remote and rural areas. Imagine making the journey to Aberdeen from Shetland to see a consultant and it gets cancelled on the day. Or to Glasgow from Islay but the CalMac service breaks down or can’t run due to weather. Islanders often set off days in advance to make appointments that you may access with minimum stress. Remote places are beautiful and communities can be strong and supportive but they are also harsh, frustrating and more so for young people. You need to think this through; you need to visit several places over the seasons and you need to look at the practicalities of how you will get what you and your son need for your conditions. People raised in these areas are made of different stuff. You may find the very different access to resources unbearable and that the move causes a negative impact on your health. Please reconsider … at least till you have researched and visited.

As a Scottish person why would you love so remotely that you wouldn’t be able to access the medical care that you all need including the dog?? Seems bizarre to me. Why not move to central Scotland where you’d have everything you need and be able to travel more easily for holidays to the Highlands and Islands

If it helps I have a friend (Scottish) who lived in the central belt in Scotland who moved to Orkney with his family. No real challenges in terms of health etc. Just wanted a more community spirit for his dc. He stayed 2 years before returning back to the mainland. Weather was a factor (constant wind), struggled to get off the island) which impacted his work. Loved the island and people, struggled with the lifestyle change.

To be honest, if travelling up to view properties is not an option due to logistics of son and dog, it gives you a flavour of what it would be like living in a really remote place. Plus properties on the west coast are rare and expensive (a lot are second homes).

I would consider places nearer towns in the first instance and then you can really research more 'remote areas' and try them out as a holiday first and check the logistics work for you.

I’d suggest that you do your research as others have said but also rent first.

could you rent out your house in the south abs move to a rental in Scotland? Then sell later once you have had the opportunity to really understand what you are getting into and find a suitable place

The other thing I would think about is your son's needs. If you're properly remote his social interaction with others of his age will be limited. If he went on to further education he would have to leave home, and work opportunities will be limited, so that may force him to leave too.

This sounds like you're trying to run away from something. Maybe think about tackling the issue in other ways because if you don't address it, it will follow you wherever you go.

Op, please think about continuity of care for your & your sons medical conditions, plus of course vet services for your dog.

The village I lived in for many years, has a satellite vets office, which is open one morning a week, but only of the wind is from the East and the sun is in Aries.
Otherwise it’s a 20 mile drive to the nearest vet.

Healthcare can be hard to access for all the usual reasons, lack of GP appointments, as pp mentioned, distance to hospitals

Some small communities are not so friendly to those born beyond a 10 mile radius.

The climate - can be brutal. The west is wetter and midges! The east drier but often breezy.

I do not work for the Scottish Tourist Board .

Hello OP,

Making a fresh start can be positive and in order to get useful advice it might be helpful to know more.

• what age is your son and what are his school needs?
• what do you do for work
• why are you moving to remote Scotland, what draws you there
• what do you enjoy doing in your spare time
• what medical access might you need, as well as access to other facilities.

There are lots of small communities that would welcome you, but it would be important to find the right place. Once we have more information I’m sure we can help.

An only child living so remotely won't be fun. Not as a child or a teenager.

Honestly I think this is a terrible idea and actually, a bit selfish. Your son will be incredibly isolated at what is a really formative time of his life. Your dog is in palliative care. You would be potentially putting the onus for your care going forward on your only child. What if you’re too poorly to seek help for yourselves?

Seems like a strange move for a teenager who wants an adventure. Unless he’s extremely outdoorsy and not planning much in terms of careers or social life, it’s going to be a big challenge for him to find his people and path in life by going somewhere as remote as you’re wanting. What is it that’s making a teen want to go somewhere super remote? If it’s because he’s struggling with life in some way then it may not be the best thing to run away from it to somewhere without connections, plus the weather and winter. There are great things about those places but it’s not an easy switch to make logistically and lifestyle wise and a southern teenager could well be heading the other way before long. That’s on top of the points others have made about medical issues. Why wouldn’t you go somewhere with easier access to facilities you’re going to need?

There are other places that feel remote but aren’t as isolated. There’s Dumfries and Galloway, parts of Yorkshire and Lincolnshire.
The more remote the more expensive life is. From
diesel to washing up bowls. Even buying online doesn’t necessarily make things cheaper as there are extra charges for certain postcodes.
Lots of people only last a couple of years in many remote locations and it’s because it does make life harder. How would you cope with in a long power cut or a flood? The resources and help is always sent to the towns. I’ve been in a severe flood in a remote place and been unable to contact help and just had to deal with it.
it’s also the simple things like if you forget the milk at the supermarket, it’s not 10 mins
walk away it could be over an hours drive. I’m 30 mins away from the nearest shop now.
How will your son cope on school buses? How long will he be on the bus for each day? Mine do half an hour each way

I live in the highlands and think your plan sounds totally unrealistic and actually daft. The Highlands and Islands are becoming increasingly populated by oddballs moving up to start a new life or for an “adventure”.

Have you even been up to the highlands or Shetland before? It doesn’t sound like you have??

You and your son both have medical conditions - have you checked where the nearest hospitals are? You could well have to go to Aberdeen because Inverness doesn’t treat everything.

What do you do for work, have you checked to see if you can do your job here? Because there aren’t many career opportunities here.

Apart from anything, because rental properties here are so few and far between there is a lot of demand, so I don’t think you’ll be allowed to view them remotely.

Why there OP?
if it’s financial reason and better way of life have you considered the western Lake District?
sooo much closer, good hospitals etc, lovely community and we have the sea, lakes and mountains and it’s very cheap here!

I don’t think you have thought this through well at all. It sounds as though you have spent very little time in the Highlands and you may not realise what “remote” really means. Firstly it’s a truly enormous area. We were on holiday in one part of the Highlands this summer and visited friends in another - it was a four hour drive and not an easy drive, long stretches of single track road. They live in a very small community, the nearest shop of any size is over an hour’s drive away, over a road that is impassible if it snows. They love it because they climb, hill walk, wild swim and sea kayak. I would be bored very quickly. There is no rental accommodation at all there other than holiday cottages. They are incredibly sociable and have fitted in with the community but they have really thrown themselves into it and made an effort to contribute and join in, it’s been hard work.

The other thing you need to consider is whether family will visit. We travel from Bristol to Mull to see BIL but it takes about 12 hours, so we rarely do it unless there's a big family event like a wedding. It takes 2-3 tanks of diesel if we want to do any running around once we're there (fuel is expensive as it has to be tankered in on the ferry).