What to do with very occasional free time

[TheWhalrus]

Hi All,

Bit of a different one here...i'm not even sure where to post this but thought i'd try here.

Basically, i've got a few periods of time (a day or two here or there plus one or two overnights) where our 3-year-old is going to be away with the outlaws (partners parents but we're not married, so they're not inlaws). Mostly it will be me on my own. Previously on the rare occasions this has happened i've always felt like I never quite make the most of this time and i'm on here looking for tips.

So far, this has been my experience:

Evenings/nights off: drinks with work colleagues can be fun, although i've tended to overdo it a bit and don't have much alcohol tolerance....we don't drink at home and because we also can't go out much, I rarely drink at all. These evenings can be fun, but I often regret it the next day (ie because i'm likely to be hungover).

Days off: usually a half-arsed shopping trip. I feel all keen for about half an hour (and actually do need to buy new clothes also) but then remember I don't actually like shopping all that much and slope off to a cafe and read a book. I generally don't do this with friends because most local friends are either connected with work, or are other parents who probably have their own family commitments (we moved just before the pandemic). A trip to the cinema, or something cultural would be sort of nice, but I don't tend to enjoy these so much on my own.

Any thoughts on how to get a bit more out of this time? It kind of feels like i've basically forgotten how to do anything that isn't work or parenting.

I think you may need to compartmentalize a bit more what you want to get out of the time and then be very organised about doing that thing - so e.g. if your number one aim is to get stuff done without the toddler in tow like clothes shopping I'd be ruthlessly organised about making a list of what I needed, budget, where I'm going/what shops and/or do it in a big online blitz (including ordering multiple sizes if I don't know what will fit), no wafting around the shops indecisively picking stuff up and putting it down (I'm afraid even if I had all the time in the world I wouldn't enjoy doing that though, I'm just not really a shopper). I wouldn't also expect to find that a fun or relaxing experience though or beat myself up for not 'enjoying myself on my day off', the satisfaction would be I then don't need to do clothes shopping for another however many months. It's been a while since I had small kids but I do remember spending days off doing boring things like going through toys and outgrown clothes, batch cooking to fill the freezer, sorting and organising photos and memory boxes, those kind of jobs which just don't get done otherwise. Like I say I didn't exactly feel lovely and refreshed after but I could pat myself on the back for getting stuff done and not feeling like I'd wasted the time - maybe if you want this kind of productive day I would designate a specific one of your days off for it, set realistic goals and make sure you've prepared everything you need in advance (so no self-sabotaging 'oh no I can't do the photos/sorting out/online shopping today, I forgot the albums/bin bags/laptop, I'll need to spend the day watching telly instead ).

Or if your aim is more to enjoy yourself, then again, you need to think in advance about what you'd really enjoy and then really put the effort in to making that happen for yourself. You can't wait for the day then hope exciting plans will just present themselves or someone else will have sorted it for you, this isn't the movies . So if that's daytime socialising, going to an exhibition with a friend or the cinema with your mum/sister/neighbour or whatever then you need to research the event, days and times then get onto people well in advance to find out their availability and book them in, I find it a bit odd how with my friendship circle if you spontaneously suggest some kind of very low effort socialising like coffee or park with the DCs people are very flaky ot the point of it being impossible to arrange, but they will make plenty of effort for an 'event' if given enough notice. To me if you like someone enough to take the day off work to go to an exhibition with them surely you would also want to hang out together even without the need for preplanning but there you go, I guess people have busy lives, need to negotiate with their DH/DPs to have 'time off' etc etc.

Or if that doesn't work for you, why not do a cultural event or cinema alone, I know it can be daunting but honestly no-one will be looking at you or judging and it's very freeing, no having to negotiate to suit someone else's preferences or share your snacks! There are some lovely 'posh' cinema chains now with comfy seats, a full bar and fancier food so it doesn't have to be popcorn and sticky floors down your local Cineworld (although I like that too!), you could base a day around going to your nearest one of those even if it means travelling a bit further? Or, how about putting some effort into pampering yourself at home, rent/stream a really good film or boxset (you can even get National Theatre Live for the experience of going to the theatre without all the hassle), make sure you have all your favourite treats and snacks in, set yourself up a bit of a pamper station for a manicure/facial if you like that sort of thing, or a bubble bath, or simply just get yourself a big stack of new books and treat yourself to hours of peaceful reading? Or start some something creative/crafty (again prepare your materials in advance to prevent self-sabotage) or book yourself into something hobby related, were there any sports or activities you enjoyed doing pre-baby you could use the free time to get back into?

Just posting to bump this for you, as I struggle with this too! Some great suggestions above, thank you!

Have you considered some of the Outdoor adventure type stuff?
Skiing or tobogganing in Llandudno?
www.jnlllandudno.co.uk
Loads of good eating near by and some great Beaches some busy some deserted

Finally getting back to this. @maxelly thanks in particular for taking the time to write...i've started doing lists for both future shopping trips and future activities (for when I have the time). Hopefully this will improve things a bit.