Piccadilly line scare

[Mrsbluesk1]

I’m not sure if I am posting this in the right place, but today something happened that has left me feeling sick, I can’t get to sleep thinking of it.

I was on the London Underground with my dd who is 5 at around 4pm. This man in white trousers got on and stood facing my dd. I didn’t think much of it, but when the next stop came, people got off and there were a few empty seats on the other side of me, the man just continued standing there staring at my daughter with a horrible smile. This continued for a few more stops.

I have lived in London for many years and we are on the tube almost every day, but this is probably the first time something has happened that made me feel so uneasy.

I feel so confused, because technically he didn’t do anything, and I didn’t want my daughter to catch on my feelings, so I didn’t move us away, but I regret not doing so now.

Has anyone ever had an experience where someone got so close into your personal space, they made you feel scared/sick? Again the carriage wasn’t rush hour busy, there were a few empty seats around.

One person out of the millions that live in London if you were that concerned why didn't you place yourself between him and your child or move

Yes, was on a train and someone sat next to me and smelt so badly I moved to another carriage. There are lots of people all over the world that have no regard for personal space, so you just need to bite the bullet and move yourself.

Why didn’t you move seats?

It could have been an opportunity to teach your DD through example how to handle it when someone is being intimidating. Sounds like you got stuck in feeling anxiety or a freeze response at the time which is understandable - it can be the body’s way of keeping you safe in a scary situation by ‘playing ‘dead’, but it isn’t always the best strategy. So maybe figure out what you could do differently next time so you’re a bit more prepared if a similar situation crops up. Maybe next time trust your instincts and calmly move away, or get off at the next station and catch the next train.

OP already said why not.

Standing on the station platform in Berlin i stood opposite someone who i can only describe as pure evil. There was just something about him, in his eyes.

I have never met anyone else that has ever given me that feeling before, and DH felt it too!

Has anyone ever had an experience where someone got so close into your personal space, they made you feel scared/sick?

I've lived in London for years and I've had this lots of times; or loud mobile convos, or trying to take up more space....I just move and the hell with their feelings.

Just move. It's not nice but it happens, I'm amazed you've lived in London so long as not felt uncomfortable on the tube before.

Definitely protect your DD next time (should there be a next time) by moving away

Sounds unpleasant but are you sure he wasn’t in a world of his own listening to something? I didn’t realise until friends pointed it out that often when I’m deep in thought or listening I’ll be literally staring at other people!

Yep, that way you're teaching her that if she feels uneasy then that's a valid feeling and she can and should act on it rather than stay and be made to feel uncomfortable.

You said you didn't move because you didn't want your dd to pick up on your feelings, but with hindsight maybe sharing your feelings with her would have been a good thing.

You don't need to make a big fuss. Move seats and then explain why in an age appropriate way. You would be modelling trusting your feelings and taking control of a situation.

When someone has made me feel unsafe on the tube I’ve never hesitated in getting off and waiting for the next train, so I’m nowhere near them.

This was usually at night with few people around, though. In your circumstances I’d just have moved further up the carriage, or hopped out onto the platform and onto the next carriage if this one was busy. People do odd things on the tube all the time and nobody would bat an eyelid.

Best to teach your child to listen to unsettled feelings, so she knows snot to endanger herself for the sake of misguided politeness.

Weirdos are everywhere. You can't change them being weird. You can take yourself away without making a fuss.

I grew up in London and as a teenage girl there were often men acting in an odd or aggressive way who I needed to ignore or move away from, especially on late tubes or night buses.

It’s part of life. Shouldn’t be, but is.

Don't be embarrassed or shy, just move v

I have taught my daughters to follow their instincts from a young age. In those circs I would have "got off" the train and got back on the next carriage down. See also get up if you are on your own and go sit with another woman/group.

I have lived in London my whole life and my DC have been raised here too. I have always taught them that if you don't like the look of or behaviour of someone on public transport get up and move calmly and without explanation or interaction. I think you can start this message at your DDs age without it being scary.

Reading all these comments I see why abuse victims are scared to come forward. I agree, I totally froze and I didn’t do what a mother is supposed to do and that is protect her baby. I feel horrible about it, but it’s also a learning lesson for the future.

To a previous commenter saying how could I not have bad experiences in London, I guess I am very fortunate to live in a wholesome area, with mostly good people we interact with daily, so this is another reason why this was so strange and completely shocked me.

I don’t go out to identify pedophiles when we leave the house. but this man had proper evil vibes, and I did nothing.

Definitely going to do this going forward.

I can't imagine keeping my DD in a situation like that. My immediate instinct is to removed her from any perceived danger or weirdness.

This. My parents did it for me, and I do it for my DC I’m the city we’ve moved to. It’s a crucial life skill. “Protecting” your DD might have been a lost opportunity to teach her a hugely important lesson.

I’ve moved seats and carriages loads of times when I’ve had an instinctive bad feeling about someone. Your right to feel safe is more is more important than worrying about some random stranger’s feelings.