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UK travel

Welcome to our UK travel forum where you can get advice on everything from holidays to exotic destinations, to tips on London travel.

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Original poster

In law wanting money for UK break.

25 replies

Mummy1820 · 20/04/2021 13:22

So, long story short. OH owed his parents some money, parents said, instead of paying it back, pay our half of the holiday. (they paid £70, half the deposit before saying this). I myself have scrimped and saved for this holiday, and paid it all off, bar the £70 they paid towards the deposit. So anyway, as some of the things will still be closed when we go, we got a refund of £100. OH mentioned this to parents, and they messaged him the other day asking when they are getting their part of the refund. Now, I don't know how much OH owed them, but they made a deal, pay our half of holiday instead. So do you think it's fair that they get half of the refund or not?? Especially considering they're better of for money than we are, they're not stingy, if we asked for £100 for a new washer, they'd lend us it no problem etc...we are really struggling for money, they know I'm a SAHM, so income isnt great. I personally think it's rather cheeky that I've paid for the holiday and they're expecting money back??

OP posts:

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 20/04/2021 13:24

I’d have given them half.

DoomscroIIer · 20/04/2021 13:27

Your DH owes you whatever half the holiday was and you owe your in-laws fifty pounds if you kept all the refund. This would only change if DH had actually owed less money to his parents than whatever half the holiday covered.

PinkCookie11 · 20/04/2021 13:27

I’d give them half, they paid some deposit.
Also if their very good in helping you both out with money you don’t want to cause an issue where they will stop.

FelicityPike · 20/04/2021 13:28

I would’ve given half, yes.

dementedpixie · 20/04/2021 13:28

Are you still going on the holiday?
So their half is still paid for?
How much did you pay for their part of the holiday?

memberofthewedding · 20/04/2021 13:29

They sound a bit grabby to me. If I got any extra money in the future I would keep the news to myself.

PegasusReturns · 20/04/2021 13:30

You owe them half.

Whether as parents they should demand it given your current circumstances is another matter, but you definitely owe it.

Notaroadrunner · 20/04/2021 13:31

Why are you paying for it all? Does your Dh not work? Ask him how much he owed them and work out if their half of the holiday was the same amount. If it was then they are due £50 back. If he owed them less than the holiday then keep the £50. Maybe half the holiday didn't even cover what he owed them. Until you find out what he owed you can't really work out if you should pay them back the £50.

TheNorthWind · 20/04/2021 13:31

Well we (and you) really need to know how much your DH owed them and how much the holiday cost.

Also, what did your DH use the borrowed money for? Sounds like you have pretty separate finances, so it could be unfair if he's had all the benefit and you've been the one who's ended up paying.

dementedpixie · 20/04/2021 13:32

Maybe give back half the deposit they paid, so £35
But if you've paid for their holiday I'm not sure I'd want to

Mumdiva99 · 20/04/2021 13:35

Think of it this way as an example......

If your OH owed them £500 and their part of holiday cost £570 - they say to your OH - we'll pay deposit and you pay the remainder.

So you guys pay the £500 on their behalf (really just paying off your debt)

Now you tell them that there was a £50 refund on their costs but you plan to keep it......doesn't sound fair does it?

chesirecat99 · 20/04/2021 13:36

It's a bit tight if you are struggling but I guess the question is how much did your DH owe them? What's fair is that he pays that amount back.

Original poster

Mummy1820 · 20/04/2021 13:53

I believe he was lent around 400ish, however, his parents knew how much the holiday was, so it's not as if they went "well its the same amount so we will just use it to pay for the holiday" it was literally "forget about the money you owe, and just pay our half of the holiday", so to me, thats saying it doesn't matter how much my OH owed them? So why should they get half of the returned money, when it's me that's paid for the holiday? And yes, OH does work, not a brilliant wage, pays the rent, bills etc, car insurance, and is actually also paying his dad back for some other stuff. I paid for the holiday, as everytime I said to OH that we need to get some paid off it, it was "we'll do it later" "we don't need to do it yet" etc, so I just paid bits where and when I could out of my own money. We are still going on the holiday, yes. Also, the refund is due to the swimming etc not being open, which they already said they wouldn't do anyway. So it's not things they would be missing out on, whereas us and our child, are.

OP posts:

LolaSmiles · 20/04/2021 14:00

It sounds like things are getting muddy.

So why should they get half of the returned money, when it's me that's paid for the holiday?
Do they know you paid for the holiday? If you're covering the holiday then why are you paying your DP's debts off?
And yes, OH does work, not a brilliant wage, pays the rent, bills etc, car insurance, and is actually also paying his dad back for some other stuff.
Does that mean he owes them the £400 plus more money he's borrowed?
If so, I'd say they are being more than generous in only asking for half the refund.
I paid for the holiday, as everytime I said to OH that we need to get some paid off it, it was "we'll do it later" "we don't need to do it yet" etc, so I just paid bits where and when I could out of my own money.
Do you have a household pot or separate finances?

It sounds like your DP is taking the mick a bit here, unless there's a big back story. He's got debts to his parents, and you paying the holiday.

Mumdiva99 · 20/04/2021 14:21

How are you funding the holiday if you are a SAHM? - Are you paying from your partners wages that he gives you/you have access to?

redastherose · 20/04/2021 14:28

So your partner borrowed £400 from his folks. Instead of paying them back they agreed that he could pay for their half of the holiday. If that is so how much was the holiday? If it was £400 then he and his parents are even if you are all still going on holiday.

With regard to the refund. If I understand you correctly you have received a partial refund of £100 for some activities which are going to be unavailable. If that is correct and they have asked for their share of the refund back then you owe them £50 and he owes you 3/4 of the cost of the holiday if you have paid for it out of your money and you keep your finances separately. He will owe you their half and his share of your half.

reprehensibleme · 20/04/2021 14:38

You sound pretty lucky that in laws are there to give a helping hand - and they obviously do, frequently. If the cost of the holiday for them is less than the amount your DP owed them you're already quids in. If you're funny about giving them half of what you were refunded you might not find them so quick to help you out in the future.

SouthOfFrance · 20/04/2021 20:55

I think it's reasonable they've asked for their money. Their holiday has been impacted by the pandemic too and the £100 is because of that. The fact that you are hard up is not their fault. If the holiday was too expensive you shouldn't have booked it. The fact that you are hard up is not their problem, perhaps they think as you don't work that you can afford only one wage?

CattingTime · 20/04/2021 20:56

I think the ILs are being very reasonable.

Standrewsschool · 20/04/2021 21:06

If you are all still going on holiday together, can you suggest you’ll put the money towards a meal whilst on holiday?

BusyLizzie61 · 21/04/2021 06:27

Surely they need £85.
Half of the deposit, half of the refund?
They don't sound grabby. Your oh sounds like he has let then down after borrowing money and not repaying. He's the one you should have the issue wirh, not them.

serin · 21/04/2021 22:09

Never a borrower or a lender be. It only leads to resentment eventually.
If you absolutely have to borrow money then make sure you pay it back in full and with some gratitude. I would also pay in back as a whole amount, not start deducting from holidays, it just all gets too complicated.

SJaneS49 · 25/04/2021 16:43

I agree it’s DP you should be annoyed at, not the in laws. And it does sound as if money borrowed might have been more than half the cost of the holiday?

Personally if we were the in laws I wouldn’t have asked for it (it’s £50). However if we were in your shoes we would have split it with them and felt that was fair.

Honestly, for the sake of your relationship with them as well as having a good time on this joint holiday, I’d either give it to them or offer to pay for a meal in lieu of the refund. It’s really not worth your mental space and will just breed bad feeling.

fuzzyduck1 · 03/05/2021 16:06

Old people can be funny about money.
Just give them half the refund.
It will save a lot of agro in the long run.
Oh and give your OH a slap for telling them.

Jelly0naplate · 09/05/2021 13:41

It's sounds as if you can't manage on one wage if there's this much borrowing and paying back.

It sounds like they've suggested you pay their part of the holiday to make sure they do actually get some of the loan back one way or another.

Give them £50 as their half of the refund, see the holidays as a thanks to them for bailing you out all the time and then sort out your finances so you don't need to use them as a bank.

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