Embarrassed of my appearance to the point no one has seen me undressed in 8 years.

[TheGruffalosNan]

As the title says!

Split with my exdh 8 years ago. Not had a relationship since. Now I'm in my 50s.

I never go swimming, wear shorts or skirts. Never show my legs.
I occasionally wear a vest top in the summer.

I haven't attended a medical appointment since having my dc 13 years ago.

I'm extremely embarrassed of my body always been shy but its got much worse as I've gotten older.

I need to deal with this as I'm risking my health but I can't cope with the idea of being undressed infront of anyone.

I'm waiting on CBT via the NHS.
Can anyone relate?
Did you find a way to deal with this?

What is it that you’re worried about? What do you think is so different about your body compared to everybody else’s?

Priority here is medical care.

What is it about your body that you think a medical professional would be shocked by or have negative thoughts about?

What do you think rhe issue is, can you explain?

The issue isn't what a HCP would think but how i feel.
I know its not logical but unfortunately how I feel.

The idea of being undressed literally makes me panic.

This applies to every area of life.
I don't go on sunny holiday or girls weekends etc.

I know its ridiculous. I feel so pathetic

I've had numerous appointments in the last 12 years. Never needed to undress.. Smear ?kept long top on and they provide a -sheet '.
Heart scan and traces done -kept bra on.
Dh hasn't seen me naked in more than lamp light either for years!
When I feel extra rubbish a long bath , shave legs and good trim of The Nether Regions , dry off and body lotion. Paint toe nails and i feel quite improved!
For myself not for dh !

You had a smear with underwear on?

Good on you on tackling this. You definitely need some help and perspective. I will guarantee there is nothing about you that anyone will find as bad as you think. What always really helps when self critical, is to go to a pool or a beach, gym or even a hospital, and look, really look, at everyone else. We all have imperfect bodies, big bits, small bits, skinny bits, flabby bits, moles, scars, stretch marks. Lots of people have medical devices too now, its really normal to see stoma, catheters, diabetes monitors, hearing aids, artificial limbs etc etc etc. Nobody cares, and that's really positive.

Get that help and live your best life. Life is too short to shut yourself away.

Exposure therapy, can you stand in front of a mirror naked until it stops being so uncomfortable. Try to notice the good bits, compare your body to other normal bodies the same age; I’m sure you’ll see they’re not so different. Try watching naked attraction.

Is it flabby bits? Wrinkly bits?

You know that they have seen it all before, yes?

Or do you mean you think there is something exceptionally wrong with your body?

I remember getting a much needed kick in the arse from my sister when I felt like this.
She asked if I was happy to literally die of embarrassment! Said I wasn’t remarkable in any way and doctors and see all shapes and sizes. I was too in my head after having children and aging and forgot it was privilege denied to many.

Good luck OP

Its not about how anyone else looks. Its how I feel about myself.

No I've not looked in a mirror in years!

Never heard of Naked Attraction, what is it?

You can request an at home smear test op. I hope things improve for you 🌺

Thats actually what's making me deal with this.

A very good friend has been diagnosed with cancer. I've had postmenopausal bleeding I've ignored and lumps etc.

Literally, I know this could kill me and yet I can't get over the anxiety.

Flabby bits? Wrinkly bits? Scars? Stretch marks? C section tummy? Knobbly knees? Droopy boobs? …. Whatever it is, I can assure you it’s completely unremarkable to anyone else. I swim with a group of women who are mostly past physical prime…. All different shapes and sizes, all different “flaws”, but all beautiful, functional, upright and breathing, and sometimes that is no mean feat post 50. One of my best friends died at 46. Feel the fear and just go whatever it is you need yo do.

Try looking in a mirror, start in clothes, then underwear, until you can do it naked. I’m pretty sure there is nothing weird or horrible about your body, looking at it should lead to acceptance.

It’s a silly dating programme but it’s quite good for body positivity. On channel 4.

Please call your GP surgery and let them know about the post menopausal bleeding, lumps and overdue smear and mammogram. You may be able to have a phone consultation for the history and only attend the practice for the exams. Your health board will have clinics or mobile screening for mammogram.

We are all human and understand everyone has different levels of comfort. Someone else being comfortable in all settings or knowing it's a routine clinical appointment for the doctor/nurse doesn't change your feelings. Waiting for CBT will add time before you are seen so hopefully you can make an appointment before then.

For the lumps you mentioned, consider what you could wear to enable you to be examined but not fully undressed. The GP may refer you for imaging and again, tell them about your discomfort with being undressed and ask about keeping a gown or your own clothing on.

A medical appointment is quite different to being undressed in a social setting like a pool or spa or in a personal setting within a friendship or relationship. I would not choose to undress in front of friends and would always use a cubicle rather than communal changing at the gym.

However, I have attended medical appointments and been given privacy to undress, a large paper towel to cover myself prior to a breast exam and to drape over my lower half for smear. The appointments were relatively quick and I was given privacy to get dressed again. Be assured that your dignity and modesty matter to you and the doctor/nurse.

I hope you soon feel ready to go and get the screening done. Health and wellbeing are so important.

Thanks but i remember being referred in the past. The scans etc. I declined the biopsy as I just couldn't cope with it.

I know what I should do, I just can't actually do it.

It’s not ridiculous but I tell myself that as I’m just a woman in her 40s, no one is bothered about seeing me. I try to put it out of my head.

It sounds like a difficult situation, knowing what to do but not yet able to do it. Perhaps you could still contact your GP and update them about the health concerns you have. This may enable them to make an expedited referral for your CBT.

If suitable for your needs, they may also be able to signpost you to digital NHS CBT provision.

If you concentrate on regular exercise eg walking outdoors and a healthy diet this might improve your relationship with your body?

You really have to see someone about postmenopausal bleeding and lumps. Make an appointment and tell them about your fear. They will understand and they will want to help.

I think they can help you without you being naked. They will want to help you.

If it helps you can take your own sarong/ Turkish towel/ scarf to medical appointments and healthcare setttings.

Mine is always draped nonchalantly round my neck - then becomes my comfort blanket/coverup.

I exercise daily.
Healthy weight. Im a size 10.

I follow a healthy lifestyle, eat well, no alcohol, don't smoke, different forms of exercise etc. I do everything to stay as well as possible.

Its not about my appearance, its about how I feel.
I know i haven't explained it well

Thanks but i remember being referred in the past. The scans etc. I declined the biopsy as I just couldn't cope with it. I know what I should do, I just can't actually do it

You had your last child 13 years ago. Don't you owe it to your children to look after your health?

Can you imagine leaving your children motherless while they are still teenagers?

I make no apology for trying to guilt trip you into taking more responsibility for your health.

I am not a healthy weight and I can hardly bear to look in a mirror. Photos are a nightmare for me. BUT I get over myself. My child doesn’t see a fat, saggy middle-aged woman in photos, he sees his mum who he loves and wants to have photos of. The consultants I’ve seen for my post-menopausal bleeding don’t see a fat, saggy middle-aged woman, they see a medical issue that needs diagnosing and treating. The woman who did my mammogram saw a boob that needed scanning. My boobs are ridiculous - I’m a J cup! Imagine taking them for a mammogram. But you just have to suck it up and do what needs to be done. There is no way I’m going to die because I was too embarrassed to let the medical professionals do what they do day in, day out. I’m absolutely certain that there is nothing about my body that they haven’t seen a million times before.