I didn’t recognise my friend

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I used to be best friends with a girl I met at a mummy group when we both had babies. We were inseparable during those early years

now, the kids are in Y7 and life gets in the way. I ended up going back to work full time and getting divorced, she moved a village away and opened a business and had more kids etc you get the picture. We still text and make plans but these so often fall through due to busy life - however in an emergency I know I could count on her and vice versa

Anyway, it’s now October and I’ve only seen her twice briefly this year, but today we were both at the same church event. She called me over to sit beside her and if it wasn’t for her voice I wouldn’t even have known it was her! The both of us have had Botox before so I am no stranger to making changes - but her face was completely different, her cheeks looked… fake? I don’t know how else to explain it. Her lips were huge. And she’s on WL jab too so all this filler (I assume) on top of a now thinning face was just bizzare looking. I last seen her in July I think so I was truly taken aback that someone can change so quickly. And I am honestly all for cosmetic changes but she did not look good, she looked weird.

I’ve been sitting looking at photos of us from when we met 10 years ago and granted we’re obviously not going to look the same now but I was very taken aback today. Should I tell her not to do any more? I’m worried she’s on a path she can’t come back from. She got divorced at the start of the year and I’m worried she’s changing herself drastically as a reaction to this and can’t see what she truly looks like

good lord

You barely know this person. No, you shouldn’t weigh in with your opinion of her appearance.

No of course you don’t offer your opinion on the state of her face. You certainly can’t tell her what to do. I’m surprised you would think that it might be appropriate!

If you are worried about her then you can try moving towards being a good friend rather than an occasional acquaintance.

If you have had Botox as well OP how do you know she wasn't thinking negative thoughts about how you look?

A lot of people seem to go for that look, and it's her choice. Usually not offering an opinion unless asked is the safest way to go. If you are genuinely worried about someone's health, you can say something, but even then, it won't necessarily be appreciated.

Use it as a cautionary tale for YOU to stop putting poison and crap in your face.

I used to work with two young women who were identical twin sisters, they were 20. One has the works, duck lips, fake nails, fake eyelashes and was getting filler. She wws really really offended when people wouldnt believe that her and her sister were identical, she genuinely believes that she doesnt look different to her twin, just more groomed.

I had no idea that they were even sisters, much less identical twins, until another colleague told me.

No point saying anything. Its like ageing.....a tiny change that you get used to, then another, then another and then you believe you havent changed at all until you see a photo of yourself from 20 years ago! Thats how the celebs end up looking so weird. I am sure Madonna thinks that she looks perfectly normal.

You shouldn’t TELL her not to do anything, you are her friend not her keeper.

Lets just hope she doesn’t see how you’ve described her here or you won’t have her as a friend much longer.

Genuinely though, when are we going to stop judging women for how they look, we want men to see us as more than just a body or a face, but then women judge women in the exact same way.

Don’t say anything, she likely wants that look.

Just to mention that including so many details makes this thread quite identifying, even if just to your friend.

The Pete burns look can be very fetching...

Or lolo ferrari from euro trash.

As her 'friend' who is barely friends with her at all, I'd keep out of it. You need to broaden your own life. Badly.

Exactly the same. one friend has lost so much weight she looks 20 years older and a shadow on weight loos injections. She also is grey. Grey skin aura, I cannot explain it. The other has lips so blown up she looks like a sex doll. These are woman in their 50s. I ask oh my god why? They look terrible but don't see it. I was totally embarrassed in the street I did not even recogibise one of them (weightless one) it was VERY awkward.

Should I tell her not to do any more?

Nope. Aren't you just as bad, as you get the same stuff done? She might equally be thinking how daft YOU look. You're not friends, you're barely acquaintances, so no, do not be rude to her.

It’s none of your business what she does to her face. For all you know, she might think you look terrible too.

I don’t think coming on Mumsnet under the guise of ‘concern’ when you actually just want everyone to say how awful lip filler is or whatever is particularly nice of you.

No, you don't tell someone that they look like shit, because that would be rude.

HTH

You don't know her well enough to tell her anything, but make it a cautionary tale for yourself.

This.

Leave her be. She might think she looks great with filler, biting and lips filled.

Sadly, people often think it looks great on themselves because they are used to seeing the fake look daily. You don't see her often so were shocked. She might easily say the same about you.

Sadly, people often think it looks great on themselves because they are used to seeing the fake look daily.

Sadly so. I'm watching a young woman on telly at the moment and thinking why - we must be seeing different things.

This!

I think people intuitively understand the depth and limits of their relationships , what subjects are open for discussion and what aren’t. When it comes to people who you have little contact with so don’t really know them at a personal level, giving your personal opinion on what you think they are doing is probably unwise.

Yeah, I wouldn't say anything about anyone's cosmetic procedures unless they asked for my honest opinion or I knew them intimately and was worried for their safety—and even then I'd dread the repercussions. People generally won't thank you for any negative commentary on their appearance, and it's none of your business. Just be glad you don't have to follow her example and get on with your life.

Why would you think it was your place to offer an opinion on the look of a woman you barely know at this point? Bet you'd be just thrilled if she did that to you. Keep your unasked for opinion to yourself. Obviously.

What? 🤣

My thoughts entirely

For her, changes will have been incremental and she wont be aware the changes are so drastic as they appear to you as you don't see each other much.

Given you are also into injecting stuff in your face she probably wouldn't expect you to be so judgey. Personally I think baboon ass lips and injectibles to fill your face with who knows what are dreadful and show women to be slaves of patriarchy & the porn aesthetic. It is all on the same continuum so if you are also partaking I think you should not comment.