Dreading Christmas get together

[BananaCocktail]

I have to go to my DPs family this Christmas. His mum, older brother and his wife will be there. However, his brother dislikes me for no reason other than I am with his brother who likes to exert a bit of a 'hold' over him with years of quiet bullying/silent treatment too. His wife isn't too bad, however, of course I am dreading it and have nowhere to hide really as so few will be there. How do I get through the day? Any tips?

1. Find ways to limit the time you spend there during the day.

2. Practice a Mrs Brown's "that's nice".

3. Approach the topic with your DP beforehand, then use the day as a test to establish whether your DP is able to either stand up for himself or disentangle himself from this toxic situation. If not, then run for the hills or establish LC/ NC.

Does DP actually want to go?

Which is the bully brother?

Just be gracious and polite, it’s only one day. Take flowers, say the dinner is lovely and ask everyone if they got any nice gifts. Make small talk basically. And then come home. Job done! Have a lovely time outside of that day with your partner

You don’t have to go. If you are dreading it, I wouldn’t go.

If get togethers with them are really that bad, then I’d be getting a horrible dose of “norovirus” a day before.

We cant limit the time, we should stay over but I won't/can't do that. My DP wont stand up to him, he wont risk the relationship deteriorating. I already have very limited contact, but can't get out of this one

He wants to see his elderly mum, so yes

His brother

I think I will just have to hunker down for my DP. Even though I hate the thought of going

Yes I think see it as just one day and something you’re doing for your partner. You can celebrate together another day and do fun things around it. It’s just one day. If his brother is really awful to you then your brother will need to address it. Otherwise, deep breaths

Yeah, he won't address it. He mostly says nothing really. His brother is quite over bearing

Just be sick so you don’t have to go!

Or just say “I’m not going”

I wouldn’t go to see my partners family apart from one aunt and uncle who are lovely the rest are awful!

My brother in law is also an over bearing bully. I loathe him. DP doesn't stand up to him and tries to keep the peace. Couldn't you visit his mum another day and leave them to spend Xmas without you? You really don't need to be there on the day itself.