I feel physically sick at how much grandparents spending on Christmas

[Sadiuit]

My mum let slip that she’s budgeting £250 per child for Christmas. They’ve already picked up a long list of things, so we’re talking lots of toys in the £10–£30 range, plus bits and bobs from B&M, rather than one or two bigger presents each. If they’d told me they wanted to spend that much on the children, I could have suggested one or two larger items that we actually wanted or needed. Instead, I’m now facing the prospect of an absolutely ridiculous number of individual items coming into our house. I posted before about my mum and the B&M 2 for £20 toys, and it’s going to be £500 worth of that sort of stuff. I genuinely feel physically sick thinking about it!

I'd have a word with her. More doesn't mean better. As someone who used to work at b&m, the toys are mostly poor quality, especially the 2for 20 toys. The cars fall to pieces and alot of the electronic stuff gets returned. There's some good stuff but like you say, if she wanted to be helpful, this isn't the way.

Or he couldn't be arsed with Christmas shopping (and I respect him for it) 😃

Plenty of ungrateful kids and ILs think they can barely visit, impose childish rules, be openly rude and ungrateful, and then swan in and claim their inheritance? They can do one!

Is there any way you can engineer that these presents get opened at their house? If so I would do this and then leave the vast majority at their house so they ‘have toys when they come over’ because you ‘don’t have space’ at your place. If it must be your house, I would bring the majority of the toys to their house next time you visit ‘for them to play with’ and then leave them there as above.
Given what you say it doesn’t sound like talking to them will help as they appear determined and wilful. Doesn’t hurt to try I suppose. If they get very difficult you could openly state anything they force you to take back with you will go straight to the charity shop where you will stop on your way home as there is no space. However personally I would try to force the stuff staying at theirs as it is likely the only way you will stop them. Bonus points if you can point out how untidy it is to your mum when you visit!
Remember, you can only change your behaviour not theirs. Keeping the presents at your home is within your control. Refuse to.

You may have already gathered but their money can go to the dogs home for all I care

You know not everyone is obsessed with inheritance as you are right?

I don’t know anyone who has received or is counting on an inheritance, especially with care costs these days.

My inlaws used to do this. I got my dc interested in toys that are really expensive but last for generations and encourage inlaws to buy additions for that. So we have a lot of lego, playmobil, brio trains/track and connetix tiles.

What age are the kids? I am sure the money could be better spent ~ bikes, iPads, huge swing set for garden.

I don’t not want a house full of shite so I can “Swan in and claim inheritance” please don’t worry! My mum is so financially illiterate that there is no inheritance to be had. It’s more, you know, not wanting a house full of shit that as I said above NOBODY WANTS. The kids, the recipients, they don’t want it. I’ll give some examples of the shit they’ve received out of massive black bags full of shit.

Extremely cheap bubble baths. All my kids have sensitive skin. Paw Patrol bubble bath is not a good gift for my 14 year old intelligent and artistic child that’s into things like manga!

Too small Shein/Temu jumpers that say things like “I love gaming”. When they don’t, and they aren’t age 10. One year’s jumpers were Gilmore Girls themed and clearly for actual girls. For my teen boys.

Plastic falling apart train sets in the hundreds, when they already had enough Brio. Get them an add on or something for the wooden ones.

Fake Lego sets that come in a sandwich bag with no instructions. Apparently they should be able to work it out!

Hairbrushes and baby sized manual toothbrushes with Disney characters on. They are big kids with proper electric toothbrushes and they style their very short hair with their hands.

Fake thin and flimsy oodies from Asda that will not be replacing the real ones that still fit them and they wear every day from about October, if anyone cared to notice.

Please tell me how all of the above translates into love and Christmas spirit, and how not buying all this pointless shit means I want inheritance? I just don’t want it, and the kids, the receivers, do not read it as love either. They turn round after they’ve gone and say things like why does nanny think I like Ben 10?

Could you tell her that there are some high value items that your children would love but you can't afford and suggest she get those.
I am grandparent and if I'm spending that sort of money I like to think it's something the children want and will use.
I presume she hasn't bought a lot of the cheaper toys yet? If so can she hold them back for other occasions?

Most posters seem to agree with you on this issue that its wasteful ,uselss and problematic in many ways.and the odd one feels an element of ungreatfulness at something that brings the grandparents joy,stems from poverty past trauma or different perspectives on what makes magical Christmas memories,
i'd say im with the OP ,although i admit to overbuying plastic tut when my kids were little (my kids are grown up now but do say they remember the plastic pink castle christmas' and hundreds of crap wrap gifts with joy. As the kids got older and tablet and earpods looked a bit forlorn under the tree.
Could you kindly with appreciation for the sentiments suggest what the kids would love,explain about the limited space,overwhelm etc When grandparents got over zealous with the dopamine hit of too much tut, i suggested the "something you want,something you need ,something to eat ,something to read " plus a christmas experience. They did enjoy it in the end ,although i can see some people dont want to be told how and what to gift and it can cause upset.
Its clearly bothering you though so trying to prevent or at least curb it a little might be your best option.

if my children had ever had such generous value gifts I would have suggested perhaps £50 on physical gifts snd the rest into their savings account

I would hate this. It’s just an insane amount of ‘stuff’ - I’d ask her to spend 50£ max and if she wants to be more generous, put the money into the kids’ accounts. I literally would find the clutter stressful x

Bit drastic to ban Granny from Christmas for over generosity! I get the point about the plastic mountain and lack of space. Agreeing a compromise surely would be better. £250 is a lot of Dosh per child. Maybe a theatre visit or a day out all together would be a better way for everyone to enjoy. And a smaller gift 🎁 on the day covers all the bases. Good luck!

Do you think you may be err projecting/extrapolating slightly?!

I think this, whilst a good idea , may not work as she'd doing the buying beacuse of how it makes her feel, not how the children would feel so she won't want to alter it as that means she won't get the feeling/dopamine hit.

We had to deal with this with mil. The sacks of gifts that were just clutter. There was usually one thing out of the 20 that you would eat or use and everything else went to charity. We decided she loved the act of shopping but now she does loads of shoeboxes for charity which is far better.

my friends mum used to buy the entire elc catalogue when her two were small. In blue for the boy and pink for the girl. That was insanity.

I deffo think you need to sit down and have a proper chat about it with your mum.
explain you have a small house, no where to store all these toys and actually you and your husband were hoping she would provide X or Y gifts for the children as they are out of your budget. The children would love X or Y for whatever reason and that’s what you would like her to do.
In my experience a chat generally works. A few years ago my parents and in-laws were buying excessive amounts of crap, when I realised, I spoke to everyone. From then on it’s been themed gifts (my oldest had a mini fridge for his birthday so in-laws got him some mini cans of sparkling waters and a couple lucozade, my mum got him a massive bag of chocolate bits) or gifts they can experience (Crocky Trails voucher, Cadburys world vouchers, Alton towers etc)
This year my little one is having a rugby birthday so all his gifts are rugby gifts.
For Christmas my mum is restocking their mini fridges. It’s all about how you approach it.

Tell them that you have no room to store that amount of. New toys at your house, and that anything that they buy must be stored at theirs.

No, just appalled at the lack of awareness of manners and correct gift etiquette.

It is up to the gift giver what they give, you say ‘thank you’ graciously.

If, and I mean if, they ask ‘what would you like/your child like?’ Then you suggest something reasonably easy to get hold of and don’t take the mick price wise.

Somebody ultimately giving a generous gift does not need a dictated list of rules about it.
It’s way too controlling.

I don't think grandparents should buy the big present that's for Santa, mummy/daddy to do. As for the B&M toys just ban them.

We have three sons all with homes, they get tools every Xmas which dh organises according to their needs. This is what his father did. They're all into DIY gardening.

Get the family what they want/need.

It is not being a killjoy to want to restrict the number of toys in the house. Most people have finite space so too many toys can take over and clutter becomes a stressor. If the children have a sea of toys around they will not play with all of them. Indiscriminate buying is more likely to not be planned and considered so may not fit in with the gc interests or age, they may not encourage independent imaginative play. A sit on large toy, especially if it makes noises, needs space and may just not be possible to accommodate.
As grandparents we want to treat gc but we should also want to consider the wishes and comfort of their parents.

genius!

Would they considered saving accounts for the children instead? It would be more beneficial in the long run.

She's using shopping for your kids to get the dopamine rush of shopping. But you'll have to sit her down and speak freely. You don't have room for the clutter she buys.

One experience gift. It could be a one time thing or a group of lessons for a certain activity.

One mental gift, a game or book.

One or two physical things. Or the one big thing they've been wanting.