Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

[TheOchreEagle]

My son is 19 autistic and still at college and lives at home, he has got his girlfriend pregnant it seems intentionally. Social services have asked us to house them half the week in his bedroom. My partner is not at all happy with the idea. I think it could potentially destroy our relationship.

I feel so torn I don’t believe it will work his bedroom is right next to ours and we would hear every noise. He is very resistant to being told anything and i don’t think his girlfriend would be very receptive to any advice.

They both have learning disabilities so would need close monitoring which would be difficult. I work at home as well as being a carer for my mother who although currently in a care home still makes demands on my time.

Social services have said there would be support but as it has taken 3 months to hear anything i find that doubtful.

I do want to help but living with us is just too much. Anyone had any experience of this or can offer any advice.

I don’t think I’ve ever taken part in a MN thread where the facts have been stated and restated ad nauseam and still people are comprehensively ignoring them in favour of posting utter shite instead. It just doesn’t make any sense.

If it involved giving up their own relationship in favour of supporting two disabled adults and their child, indefinitely, in their own home ? Really ?

Yeah Apparently its none of OPs DHs business Imagine the uproar if he took that literally and just left the baby to scream

From what I have read on this thread, most posters aren't suggesting that social services would indefinitely support the couple to care for their baby, they are saying that if the OP agrees to the plan, there will be no further interventions from SS and she will frankly be left to deal with this disaster zone on her own (I have no idea what form any help would take).

Can the SWs on here confirm whether or not that is true?

It's never as clear as that, and really depends on the level of risk and need. If the risk is high, then absolutely not will they just close the case and leave them to it. There would likely be a child in need or child protection plan and at the most extreme I've supported a significant number of grandparents to obtain special guardianship orders which come with financial support until the child is 18, where one parent is still living with the grandparent but can't possibly parent without support.
If the risk is low, then it would probably be an early help plan. It's really unlikely they would just close the case and say see ya.

Thank you for your reply.

It's reality, if they as adults have difficulties looking after themselves, then of course looking after a baby isn't going to be easy! This isn't being judgemental at all, more practical and forward preparing for support.

That’s actually correct. The baby, and its care is the responsibility of these two parents - that’s why support is being sought. The aim is for them to parent the child themselves, not for OP to take on that responsibility for them.

Hard to be rational when bottom line is two awful choices. You need to consider longer term priorities (people) for this one. I will say that prevaricating a decision is costly for all. Specialist placements for adults with complex requirements and an infant (with absolute priority) are obviously v hard to find (the right one at least). Hope you figure it out

Really big decisions don’t require just love though. The only reason you’re thinking is because it’s difficult. No value judgements are allowed by professionals. That’s all you need to know

Bonuses? Please can you link to this freely available information?