Am I maybe ND in some way or is this just normal parenting young kids feeling?

[imfreeee]

I found having kids really, really hard, much harder than I expected. Still do really although it’s slowly getting a bit better. I find I very easily get completely overwhelmed when they are both talking to me at once, the TVs on, one won’t walk and demands to be carried, the screaming and shouting, even sometimes them laughing gets on my nerves which sounds like I’m really horrible!

Increasingly I wonder if it’s me, if there’s something not quite right with me. Or if others experience this as well. Sometimes when there’s loads of screaming it really does have this deer in the headlights sort of effect on me where I feel completely panicked and helpless.

Others don’t seem to find it as hard as me but maybe they don’t think I do. I wonder if I’m neurodivergent sometimes. Other times I think I’m being really stupid!

I am not sure but I feel the same way! My son is awaiting an ADHD assessment, so is certainly very full on and I also recognize traits in myself and other family members now, so I do wonder if I am ND and that is contributing to the overwhelm/overstimulation. But equally I don't know if it might just be motherhood!

Literally everyone finds what you've described as overwhelming and hard. It's just a given, which is probably why it's not mentioned so much day to day. You might be ND, but finding that all too much is normal.

I found that I got way more overstimulated with kids too. It also hasn't helped that I now work from home regularly so seem to struggle much more with background noise. No known neuro diversity.

Total normal I'm afraid

I had to develop a lot of new skills once I had 2 under 2

I think this is very normal. Having children is completely overstimulating! And when they are young it’s quite hard to calmly implement rules like ‘we talk one at a time’. I found it waaaay harder than I expected too. I do see myself as being on the adhd side of life, so to speak, but not diagnosed or diagnosable. I think it helps to look at the most stressful points for you and think practically. Have some plans in advance for how you want to manage screaming, both having needs at once etc. The plans won’t always work but can help you feel more able to remain in control, just having a plan.

You’re not stupid! It’s completely normal. I struggled with it too. Motherhood is an enormous task. As they get older your confidence will improve and the overwhelm will lessen. They’ll also naturally become quieter and less chaotic.

I say this as a mother of an adult child with profound autism - I think these days people are too quick to label normal things as neurodivergence. Lots of conflicting, uncontrollable loud noises are bloody insufferable, even to the most NT person. Please don’t feel like there’s something wrong with you for having perfectly normal human responses. It does get easier x

I think that’s really normal, or at least it is for me. I think it’s because you’re constantly thinking about the next thing, with no real headspace so noise feels louder and more immediate. I was also always thinking of the noise was something I needed to attend to, so always “on”. It does get better as they get older.

I have to say ive often wondered the same. I have found having kids way more difficult than most people seem to. And it certainly hasn’t got better with age.

People will say it's totally normal but there's a difference between neurotypicals becoming overwhelmed and ND people becoming overwhelmed and dysregulated. I remember all the advice about making sure you set up some kind of independent activity for your toddlers so you can sit and have a cup of tea for ten minutes. Ten minutes!? WTF is ten minutes going to do!? That's when I knew, though I had a lot more symptoms on my list than that. My husband used to take the kids out for a walk at lunch time and I'd curl up in bed with the covers over my head. They're older now, and I'm medicated now, so it's better, but to be honest with you it's a balancing act. Medication doesn't fix it. Knowing your triggers and taking yourself out of situations when you don't have the capacity is all you can do. And that does get easier as they get older. But my 3 ND kids can still get really loud, even at 10, 13 and 15! If you're questioning it, look into it.

Thanks everyone, it’s really hard to know isn’t it? The stupid thing is I don’t think mine are bad kids or anything. They will often play independently. The worst time of day for us is usually that 4-6 slot when everyone’s tired but I’m guessing that’s normal and mornings are absolutely frantic no matter how organised I am, or try to be.