If your family is wealthy, how would they feel if your partner is not?

[Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride]

Just something that dh said recently about a family member. Family member is mid 20s, University educated, but is now working in a practical craft type job. Partner's parent are both solicitors. Nice lifestyle, exotic holidays, own property. Family members family worked in schools and social care, working class Both families love their child's partner. Parents all get on well too.
DH said, "Partner's parents must be a little disappointed that he isnt marrying someone who comes from money." I feel the intimation was that they would worry shes a gold digger (she isnt) and if they split she would go after his inherited family assets. There's no kids involved. They are absolutely besotted with each other, they pool expenses equitably. I (maybe naively) think they look beyond money to the lovely young woman she is and aren't disappointed at all. Maybe dh is worried that she is maybe out of her depth. Interested in people's experiences from both sides.

They would think nothing at all, anyone who is disappointed by that loses my respect. It’s not something that would come into my mind either way

I grew up poor with abusive parents so they probably wouldn’t put much thought into what sort of partner they wanted for me.

I wouldn’t have chosen a partner who didn’t have a good income or the potential to have a good income though.

I am wealthy and would be very happy if my three adult DC find partners that they love and respect no matter their income.

I would worry they’re being used potentially.

One of my BIL is married to someone from a wealthy family. They've been together 30 years and he's completely accepted by her family, presumably because he loves and cares for her.

Perhaps it would be different if he was lazy and expected to be kept, but he never has.

My DH doesn’t come from the same background as me.

To be honest, my parents weren’t really interested in me marrying another aristocrat, and the family assets are so tied up that they don’t really have to worry about what would happen if we divorced.

They absolutely love him, and get on well with his parents, although we don’t really go in for big family gatherings so they don’t all meet up often.

DH was a bit shocked the first time I brought him home (we met at uni) but he has adapted! I think the only thing he has struggled with a little is that we don’t buy extravagant Christmas and Birthday presents. It’s just a few useful things, often jokey. He didn’t mind until we started a family and he realised the same would apply to the children. That’s the only difference of opinion over background I can think of really.

I don’t work, I have a passive income (and four young children) but DH still works because he enjoys running his business and can always make time for us.

I suspect it’s more of a MC thing to be objecting to a child’s partner on the basis of their background or wealth.

Torn. On the face of it I would say, how shallow, it’s the person than matters.

However now I have my own son, and I am saving considerably for him to help him in life later on, the idea of someone coming along and ‘taking’ it really irks me. Not to say someone of equal monetary wealth wouldn’t do that anyway.

Hmmm. Would it cross my mind? Yes.

The character of the person matters most as I think it through, typing it. Also the ambition of that person. I don’t care about their earnings but they have to have some drive in them. Someone wanting to be a kept woman, whatever her background, now that wouldn’t be appeal

Wow how snobby! So you can’t fall in love with a waiter or labourer who works their arse off and anyone who is working class is using someone who is better off? That’s an awful attitude

But realistically, being poor can be shit. For me, it’s not about being snobby, it’s that I want a nice lifestyle that comes from earning well and having a partner that does too.

Curious about this comes from money comment. To me, coming from money would be aristocratic or professional jobs eg doctor, solicitors etc going back generations. But even then people have lost money for all sorts of reasons 😂 Failed business ventures, gambling, substance issues, divorce etc

There are lots of families who had children first go to university in the 70s or later. I'd hope nobody is judging really, background isn't always a great indicator of intelligence, compatibility, success, happiness

I suspect it’s more of a MC thing to be objecting to a child’s partner on the basis of their background or wealth.

@1990thatsme You might be right. If a family has had to work hard to reach a comfortable standard of living, they might be concerned if their child chose a partner who couldn't help them maintain it, IYSWIM. It might mean the difference between being able to buy a house or renting indefinitely, being able to pay all the household bills vs. struggling to do so, etc.

Whereas a wealthy family wouldn't be greatly affected by a lower-earning partner, the investments and family money would still be there.

I think you are right @1990thatsme. I’d be worried as although now “middle class” with several postgrads and a professional career, I grew up poor in a damp ridden council flat and single mum family. I would not want to risk my children, grandchildren or great children experiencing that. I’m horrified to discover how Hycanith Bucket / Victorian I sound.