Dh being a knob

[Ihatelittlefriendsusan]

Dh is pissed off at me.

He has been back to his hobby for the first time since they broke up for the summer. He arrived home and promptly ripped my head off for absolutely no reason. I was in the process of trimming the new table protector, he was pissing about with it as inwas lining it up so I just asked him to leave it be as I was lining it up to trim it. Not in a nasty way, just quietly asked him to leave it be and he just snapped abruptly and tries to gaslight me that he wasn't touching it.

Ex was here as he was dropping dd home, so he has just seen what a knob dh has just been with me.

Dh then went to the loo and came out acting like I was the bitch. I have put my back out and very clearly struggling to walk, he asked if i was ok, said no, i am in agony and i can really do without you walking in and acting like a bear with a sore head.

He is now refusing to speak to me.

He is on antidepressants after his son died, he refuses to speak about it, but has becoming really spiteful towards me lately. Even my parents have picked up on it.

Leaving him is an option and I would be fine. House is mine, nothing is in his name, legal contacts in place that mean he gets absolutely nothing if we split up or if I die (all goes to dd)

I don't know why I am posting...just to get it off my chest I think.

Is he in counselling? He probably should be. It’s normal to be finding life harder, and I know I’ve taken things out on my husband when I was struggling, it isn’t ok, but it does sometimes happen.

I hope you guys can sort it, if it is appropriate to sort 💐

If his son has recently died, snapping is very common for grieving people.

It’s odd that you just throw in that son died in the same way as you say “he just started back at his hobby” and “ex was here dropping off DD”. WTF?! His son died? And you wonder why he’s a bit snappy and want to divorce him. Is there any more info to add to this so that it doesn’t sound quite so heartless?

It's obvious from OPs post that this isnt the first time and is escalating as now acting like this in front of others (parents/ex).

Yee people snap when they are grieving and anger is a big part of that but it still doesn't mean that it is right and she should just put up with it. OP and children's safety, health and wellbeing are also important. He is acting like this in front of her children in their own home.

His son died nearly 3 years ago.

I get he is grieving. But that it not an excuse for smtresting me like shit

I have just come through the 10th anniversary of my son's death and frankly I am still in bits and very tearful. I am not coping with anything right now tbh and it is going to take me another couple of weeks to pull myself together. Then next year I will be back to the same place again. Are you really expecting him to be "over it" ?
.

It sounds as though you might be better apart.

No.

But are you ripping the head off of everyone in your household? Being verbally abusive to people?

Please read my threads about the situation before you judge a snapshot

I think you need to be more understanding instead of flying off the handle.
My close friend used to treat us all like shit after her mum died when she was young. We put up with it for a couple of years
But one day we all sat ger down and told her that her behaviour was so disrespectful to those who were there for her.
Maybe a gentle understanding word about how its affecting you all.
And from your posts it seems hes already out the door.
You obviously have no clue or empathy to the situation. Why did you even mention you ex being there and witnessing it? What difference does that make?
It sounds like you dont want this man, so let hom go and find someone who does

You're in pain. He's in pain. And you're taking it out on each other.

When he asked if you were OK, that was an olive branch and you told him off. I'm not saying he's in the right. I'm saying you're both only focused on the other person's faults, not your own.

He is on antidepressants after his son died

Feels like important context, not a byline.

Are you taking it out on your nearest and dearest by being an arsehole to them?

Wow, projection much?
You assume OP hasn't addressed this with him before now? You assume she doesn't care about his feelings? You are telling her she's in the wrong for not accepting verbal abuse?
And let him go to find someone who wants him? Because he sounds like such a prize??

For those responding here, you might want to read through OP's posts here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/5188070-how-to-support-dh-through-the-next-steps?postsby=Ihatelittlefriendsusan&page=1

OP, I'm so sorry he's lashing out like this.

It sounds like you do your utmost to support him, but you have to look out for yourself - and it can't be ideal for your DD to be in this situation either, if he's snapping at you, being horrible, and causing tension in the home. If you feel like the relationship has become toxic and he's starting to verbally abuse you, then you're under no obligation to remain with him. He may need an ultimatum that you follow through on.

Did you read what else she wrote? " his son died 3 years ago he is grieving" i wouldn’t say its an excuse for bad behaviour but come on, who can understand that ? Her ex was dropping off her DD. She will never hopefully suffer a child not being able to be dropped off anymore. It seems so insensitive to me how OP worded everything. And how the house and everything is in her name. Sorry but OP may have just worded things wrong as shes had enough. Not everyone is understanding of other people's circumstances. Perhaps its best if grieving partner leaves.
And this part spoke volumes
"Leaving him is an option and I would be fine. House is mine, nothing is in his name, legal contacts in place that mean he gets absolutely nothing if we split up or if I die (all goes to dd)"

If you read through OP's comments on the thread I linked in my post just before your comment, you might get a better understanding of the situation.

OP's post did sound callous to me initially, but I read through her comments on the thread I linked and she clearly has put in a lot of emotional labour for her DH. Her OP here lacks a lot of context, I think.

I had no idea you have lots of other threads. I don't search for other threads by the same poster every time I respond to something. A thread is a snapshot unless the op asks right at the beginning for everyone to search and read everything else.
If there is a back story and lots of other issues it is probably time to separate. I was just giving my perspective as a bereaved parent.