Am i mad to move home for a year?

[Chopsie2]

Hi mumsnetters!!

I'd love some advice or anyone whos been in a similar experience. Im from the UK origionally but travlled for years and ended up living in rural ireland.I we lived in dublin for years but during covid moved about an hour outside and bought a house. On paper, we have a pretty idyllic life here. We live in the countryside, the kids have lots of space, it's beautiful and it's a lovely place to bring up children. My sons autistic and in a mainstream school with 7 kids and his own sna.

I really miss my family and the support of having people around me. I think I've reached the point where I'm wondering whether the idyllic countryside life is worth it if I'm feeling isolated and missing my family so much.

I'm seriously considering moving back to the uk with the family for a year and seeing how we feel. My family are there, so we'd have that support and I'd get to be around people I love again. The idea would be to rent somewhere for a year rather than make a permanent move. I can keep my job here and maybe enrol the kids in school for a year. They are 5 and 8.

Ive never really lived in the uk since i was 20 and im 41 now. But im concious i want to spend quality time with my mum and brothers whilst i can.

Am i mad? Whats your thoughts?

Thanks a million!

Do it. I left the uk after graduating and spent 10 years abroad. Was offered a job back in the UK and was terrified to take it. Best decision I ever made, I was like a duck in water

Hmmm I am not sure. How often do your family visit you? Your Son's school sound amazing. Perhaps post in the Sen board and ask about schools here in UK.

I have two autistic boys. Is your son happy in school at present? A class of 7 with his own SNA (I’m assuming that’s like a teaching assistant?) is incredible.

You could potentially find him a school with similar small class sizes if you move somewhere very rural again, but it’s vanishingly unlikely he’d get a TA again. He’d only get a TA with a lot of evidence that he must have one and you’d have to go through a whole process which would likely take more than the year you’re thinking about being here.

If he’s happy where he is I wouldn’t risk the disruption and transition honestly. There must be other ways to get more time with your family in holidays, phone calls etc.

Yes your probably right. Its the reason we havent moved because we are so lucky with the school. I just find it quite isolating living here

I understand that, and obviously your happiness is important as well. But from experience if your child is unhappy and not coping in school that’s going to take over every element of your life. It’s not a risk I would take.

So how else could you do deal with the isolation? Do you work, or have hobbies in the area? Can you find ways to spend more time with friends or family?

(SEND mum and teacher here)
Don't do it
Insanity with a settled autistic child.
Unless you are home schooling.
State schools - in England, at least - are becoming overwhelmed by managing need versus budget.
I cannot emphasise how much of a mistake this would be for you.

On the SEN situation there's no one UK wide process. England and Scotland are completely different systems.
One of my children did have a school like you describe but in England that required an EHCP and an appeal process, all together it took 2 years and a lot of effort.
Not wanting to put you off but something to consider especially as the political climate is plans to make EHCPs harder to get

I would think really carefully because your son seems to be in a good school for him. Could you do more visits, get family to visit you etc? That way you’d see them more but not disrupt your DS

I think moving for a year is mad. Uprooting your children in uncertain circumstances will be very unsettling. Your ds won’t get the set up he’s got now. Can you not move somewhere less rural but still within distance of the schools? The UK has changed a lot in 20 years, a lot of it for the worse whereas Ireland has improved lots with better outcomes in health, education etc, plus the economy there is booming.

Could you move to a town or large village to bring you back into contact with people? Are there social groups or meet ups you can join?

I often think of living in an idyllic country cottage, but the reality is often lonely and isolating.

If you really want to move home, could you try renting out your house for a year and moving back, or do it for the summer and see how you get on.

I moved DS between England and Ireland aged seven, and honestly, even discounting SEN, I wouldn’t do it for just a year — needlessly disruptive twice over. At least with DS we were planning to stay, and knew he’d have a better life, and all of both families are here, but it still took him a long time to settle. Find another way of seeing more of your family? Can you spend all school holidays with your family, with you working remotely?

Thanks so much. Yes i think your all right.
I might try and move a bit nearer to a town and just go back during summer holidays