Partner's rage

[Arcadia123]

Emotionally violent partner.
Partner is barely emotionally continent. Terrible road rage, screaming at the slightest inconvenience, slamming doors, punching furniture, including holes in walls at several places we stayed at.
Today he stormed off at a supermarket and went home because I 'made him angry, I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do' (reacting quicker to his instructions).
Whenever I try to address this with him, I am 'a fucking cunt' who 'is not perfect herself'.
He has some redeeming qualities (he drives and washes up) but otherwise very messy, leaves his stuff on the floor and all surfaces, including socks and dirty mugs. It takes him years to complete a chore like fixing the gate).
I can't deal with the mess and the rage anymore.
How do I start the separation process in this very challenging economy. I am very tired.

Do you have children? Family?

What’s your housing situation? Have you got children ?

Get rid .The only good thing you mention is he drives and washes up.. Get a pair of rubber gloves or a dishwasher and start using public transport or taxis. He is a waste of space. Life will be more pleasant for you.

Sounds like you need advice on how to actually leave, practical advise. You will need to post some details of your situation to get that, financial, housing, kids etc. You know you need to leave, you know he's dangerous.

do you have kids? A house mortgage? Are you married?

Who owns the house? If it's a rental can you afford it by yourself? More information is needed regarding your living arrangements and finances.

Well done for deciding enough is enough, he has been abusing you for years, and hitting walls or throwing things is classed as physical abuse btw, it's designed to intimdate and scare you into submission.

Thank you very much for all your replies.
Now he says he will have CBT for anger management starting next week and apologized for calling me a 'fucking cunt'.

Not sure at all but will give him one last chance...

@Arcadia123 give him one last chance if you must.

But, use this time wisely. Gather all your financial information and paperwork. Change all your passwords on everything. Does your pay go into a joint account? Open a new account at a different bank and deposit your pay there. Open a new account at your current bank. Transfer your share from new bank to new account at existing bank and from there to joint account. Think of your financial privacy and get it nailed down.

Ring Women’s Aid. You need them now. Big time. You really do. You cannot do this on your own. Then look up the Freedom Program. You need this, too.

Have a declutter of your possessions. Sell stuff through Vinted and put the money into your new account.

Prepare to move out. Because that means that staying is an active decision, not because you can’t see any way out.

He’s run out of chances. Work out an exit plan. Hes not going to change. Don’t be daft.

Hey op - the question you need to ask - is he like this with anyone else? His work colleagues - shop assistants - family or friends? Or is it just a YOU problem - if its with others too then he has an anger management problem - if its just you then hes abusive - he also does not have any other redeeming features.
Its not you - its him - he will need a lot of work and motivation to change - look up the Freedom Course and download a free book by Lundy Bancroft - Why does he do that - inside the mind of abusive men - you cannot fix him

Non of this is normal or respectful or tolerable. You deserve so much more.

Please leave. He is abusive

He won't change.

Perhaps grey rock his "i will change, I will get cbt" and pretend to go along with it.

I can guarantee he won't even start the cbt!

So nod along whilst quietly making plans to leave.

Let us know your set up. Rent/mortgage, work, kids if any, etc.

Read: Why Does he do that?
Make plans to leave OP. He won't change. This is who he is.

His behaviour is consistently abusive so apologising for calling you a cunt doesn't really matter in the long run. He won't change.

If you need help and support to leave safely, you can speak to Women's Aid or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline. Please don't hesitate, he sounds dangerous and you need to get away from him.

Start hiding money in an account he doesn’t know about. Hide your passport and other important documents in your handbag or at a friend or family members house.

He will screw up this final chance. Make sure you’re in a better position to leave when he does.

You are the victim of terrible abuse.
How can you even look at someone who speaks to you like that?

Call Womens aid for advice.
Have you anyone who will help you.

This relationship is toxic, abusive and potentially dangerous.

He will never change.
This is who he is.

You must be very vulnerable to have accepted this.

Pls do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk and stay away from men until you learn how to protect yourself.

He is scum.

Get your valuables somewhere safe, plus all paperwork.
You need to leave.

These type of men dont change, they just learn to abuse you more subtely or blame you via CBT/ counselling
They learn all the ways to look blameless and blame you
Leave but be extremely careful
Dont tell him your plan
Contact police and womens Aid

Well done for realising you need to leave.

Abusive men never change OP.

Please make plans to leave him and speak to a charity like Women's Aid for advice and support on the process.