Sister took my niece’s birthday money

[ScrumbleMonkey]

My niece is about to turn 9. I asked her whether there was anything in particular I could buy her for her birthday or if she’d just like money like last year.
She replied that she’d rather I took her out for lunch, to not go to too much trouble, and that her Mum (my sister) and Dad ‘borrowed’ her birthday money last year to go to the pub, but they keep saying they’ll pay it back.
Bearing in mind this was a year ago and I gave her a £50 note. Which is an exciting thing to have for anyone.
Aibu to be concerned for her. What parents steal a child’s birthday money? I absolutely believe her by the way. I won’t go into the history but I have every reason to believe her. She’s a very sensible and reliable child.
I’m just wondering if anyone might have any advice, really.

👏

Poor little girl having her birthday money taken . I’d do the same as others , take her town , have a nice lunch and treat her to something. I’d also be saving for her future , opening a stocks n shares ISA as at her age she’s got a long time to invest .

They sound horrible and if they know your niece spoke to you and if you try to make a point, sadly you risk being out of her life so she doesn’t have any support

If things are as bad as they seem, I'd be careful about buying her things, in case it gets sold on for cash. I wonder if that's already been happening given her request for an outing, not a gift.

Awful behaviour. How about a mini spa day and a lunch somewhere just you two

What shitty parents. I second taking her out somewhere nice rather than an actual gift, and also maybe saving a little for her each month that she can have at 18 or 21 maybe.

As has already been pointed out, her sister will probably then prevent OP from seeing her niece.

The niece needs the stability and kindness that she gets from her auntie. As frustrating as it is, OP can't rock the boat and risk their relationship.

Unfortunately there are definitely a cohort of parents who permanently borrow money from their kids.

Could you take your niece out for lunch or to the cinema or get her nails painted and maybe get her a primark gift card she can spend with you? Depends on your budget obviously. You could make it an annual thing where you and her have a girls day for her bday.

Thank you so much to everyone who’s replied. I think I’ll take her out for the day and treat her that way.
I Just can’t trust that anything I send home with her will stay hers. This is so awful seeing it written down :(

I agree with pp, take her shopping, keep all tags and receipts.

Your poor little niece. Knowing her own parents steal from her.

Or the mum takes it out on her daughter.
Not good either way.

Also don't let your sister know what your niece has told you. Don't want your niece getting in trouble!

Agree. Be a trusted adult for her. She may need you.

How sad for your DN, how kind of you (I’m not going to comment on your sister and her partner) , and that you have a great relationship with your niece. I agree with other more eloquent posters not to tell your sister what you now know but do a treat day /event together that only you and your niece get to experience that is birthday special - she sounds a clued up kid who will deep down know why you are treating her in this way and you get to spend time etc together and building lasting special moments (have not read full thread but assume if you gave her the £50 you must be able to see her eg you don’t live thousands of miles away) - I hope you find something wonderful to do together

Exactly. People pile in thinking it’s clever to make a point. It doesn’t occur to them that a passive aggressive gesture doesn’t benefit anyone and in fact could make things a whole lot worse for this poor child.

Poor lass. Maybe could you do a treat each month instead of Xmas and birthday gifts? Like a cinema trip one month and bowling the next? Your sister can’t sell these on and you get to build a strong bond with your niece whilst maybe also being an ear for her. If she is lacking in clothes etc one of your treats could be lunch and primark etc. You sound like a lovely Auntie.

Buy what Dsis can’t use or sell - outings, clothes DN wears back home from
the shop, books you’ve written ‘to DN’ in.

AFAIK you can’t save in a child’s name without the permission of the parents, so
don’t go there, open another account in your name.

I’d put some money in premium bonds on DN’s name, reinvest and winnings. Help to build up a pot for the future.

And yes, give her your time. the child deserves something better than what she has been given in life. Who does that?

Whilst Premium Bonds may sound a good plan it won’t work for a child wgo
is t yours as

“The child’s parent/guardian will need to look after their Premium Bonds until the child turns 16 and all correspondence will be sent to them.”

unfortunately, unscrupulous parents who regard their childrens’ money as theirs to do with as they please are the type to take out credit in their names when they become adults.

When your niece turns 18 help her secure her credit with the credit agencies so this can’t happen.