Would it be acceptable to use free school meals for drinks only?

[User3627282646322244]

Free school meals but buying a drink only.

dd has just started secondary school and under the new FSM rules, she can now get free school lunches as we get UC as a top up, as can my son who’s year 11. Always paid before.

for context, my partner works, I don’t, both children have SEN, get DLA etc. this is the first time we’ve been eligible for free lunches.

I am sure it will be very helpful for ds but dd does not want to eat the food though. Although not officially diagnosed I believe she has emetophobia as well as anxiety, autism etc and over the last 12 months food has become more and more of a problem with her. Not wanting to eat at school, limited diet - this has increased with age whereas my son’s eating has got better with age. dd now takes a pack lunch with some safe foods.

however, she’s expressed that she may want to buy a drink at school - she does get really thirsty. I find it crazy how it’s water only at primary then at secondary they have a huge selection of drinks! She will drink water but it’s still warm.

will it be frowned upon if her FSM balance will just be used on drinks?

obviously it’s for food but she won’t eat it. She’s also gone through phases of not drinking at school, worried about needing the toilet - so if she drinks something at school it’s a win imo.

the school aren’t very forthcoming when it comes to answering questions about it.

What are you going about getting her an assessment(s) for the long list of conditions you think she has?

I don’t know what the rules are, but water is the best drink for your DD. Can you not encourage her to drink that? Most alternatives are full of sugar, additives and are not good for anyone.

I very much doubt that anyone will be actively monitoring what DD is spending her meal allowance on.

I don't know 100% how it works but don't they basically have a daily set amount of £s (on a card?) and they just choose what they want and if the amount on the card covers it then they can have it.
If all she's purchasing is drinks then that's all she will be "charged" for.
As I said.... I don't know if that's how all schools work.

Have you said to her school that she isn't eating has a possible eating disorder? I am assuming it is a card or something she has i guess she can use the credit for whatever she likes,

Her eating sounds like ARFID, and if that's the case, it's commonly found alongside autism and anxiety. I doubt anyone's checking what she's spending the money on, but I'd be talking to her GP about a referral to a paediatrician to discuss the eating.

At secondary there is usually just money that goes into their cashless a count each day.

it is possible to see what it is spent on but school don’t check unless parents ask them to.

If you haven't had her at her Gp you really should think about taking her. Nobody is going to look at her lunch account,

She had some MH support and intervention in primary school which came to an end. I’ve been trying to get more support but it’s like hitting my head against a brick wall! She struggles to be around others eating too!

This needs to be your top priority

You reel off a list of conditions including autism that you think she has. You need to go to GP and really push

She has an ehcp and she’s autistic, as well as dyslexic & dyspraxic (diagnosed) . The support in my area is shocking. My eldest is also diagnosed autistic and we get no support whatever, his autism would be considered more severe than DDs however they both have their own varying needs.

So she does have a diagnosis?

That I think she has? Not sure what you mean.

I said she hadn’t been diagnosed with emetophobia, not the others. But she fits the bill for emetophobia.

a kid was sick at school and she came home really upset about it.

I am trying my best!

Just let her spend it OP. The balance clears each day. Your DD may try something one day.

I am not sure why you are so insistent about knowing what her diagnoses are? Do you want to see the paperwork and reports , her EHCP, her DLA paperwork? Even if she wasn’t diagnosed, we all know how long it takes to get support and a bloody diagnosis in this country! Support in school has gone under the radar as she’s not considered a problem child, she masks, is compliant and appears to look okay to school staff, when she’s really struggling but that’s a whole other story, she also has lots of good friends so her ‘diagnosis’ isn’t always obvious to most when they first meet her.

It says in the OP she has a diagnosis of autism etc.

She says she thinks she has emotiohonia alongside her other diagnosis’s.. also she has send, receives dla etc.

OP I would really push for a paed referral to look at ARFID. They can refer for support with this which would be easier than you securing it.

Why would it be an issue. My son gets FSM but rarely ever gets them as he doesn’t like going into the lunch hall. Sometime he will just grab a drink as the line is shorter, not everything needs mumsnet approval

Thank you, I am hoping she will be tempted when she starts seeing or smelling it. Today she did eat a frube and a small sausage roll from home as well as some crisps. She does drink water (someone above told me to make her drink it, she does drink water!). She bought an apple juice.

she eats pretty well at home! But her diet has got more limited!

Of course, it’s just new to me!

At my last school all fsm had to include a main (sandwich/baguette/hot dinner) and the balance could be used for drinks and snacks.

Worth a chat with the school though.

Thanks. She was previously under paediatrics, but was signed off but things weren’t such a struggle then. My eldest, a boy is struggling less as he gets older but dd is struggling more and more! I do think that’s quite common though. I’ve purchased a mood journal for her after a recommendation from a professional! She has come home and ate cottage pie (without the mash 👀)! She turned her nose up at first but then enjoyed it!

I think you’re right that she may start to gain some confidence around food or lessen her anxiety if she knows the money so there if she chooses to use it.

And if it’s only for drinks then she’ll be gaining other skills and coping mechanisms that others take for granted. (Queues/ smells etc)

Think system depends on the school, bit there is a lot less interest in what kids eat compared to primary. Schools were very keen for fsm to be claimed as it helped their funding and achievements figures this may become less under new system as many more children will qualify

I've known kids only take drinks and system say they had a full meal as that's the way staff input it and kids collect fsm and give to their mates

I'd say let her have anything she wants with calories in it! One of mine wouldn't eat or drink at secondary school for a long time and such a worry, only recently he said he couldn't stand the noise and smell in the canteen (he's an adult with definite autistic traits but I didn't really know anything about it then, just thought he was a bit different, and as a straight A student nothing was flagged up at school).

At my DS’s school the FSM is loaded onto his card automatically every day and he spends it on whatever he fancies (I do try and encourage him to buy something healthy). He often goes over the amount so I top his card up for him but no one polices what he’s buying.