How many ways are there of interpreting this comment?

[Torturedbydoubt]

A one to one conversation was taking place between two people at a coffee morning type situation.

They were having a quiet, thoughtful conversation. The mother of one of them is very ill.

A Third person leans in front of one of them in order to make this comment to the other:

“Oh, you’ve got soooo much to come I’m afraid.”

It was said in a Kendall Roy/Private Frazer “were all DOOMED” lugubrious tone of voice.

Would anyone be able to enlighten me as to the various interpretations that can be made of this comment?

Thanks

We’re

Without context hard to tell.

toddler coffee morning - could be tantrums/potty training etc

I'd guess it was intended as a heads up warning delivered badly.

It probably means that the person who's mother is very ill (assuming it is likely to be terminal) has a very difficult time ahead. The death of any loved parent is devastating at the best of times and usually for a woman the loss of your mother is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, life experience you will ever go through.

On top of that and before death, if you have someone very ill who is terminal, watching someone die, sitting by a bedside 24 hours a day or close to it, seeing someone in pain or at least weak at the end of life, is a tough emotional experience. If you've been through this as a relative, then you understand what is really meant by the ill judged comment after a sudden unexpected death by 'at least it was quick' or 'at least they didn't suffer'. You may need to be involved in organising palliative care at home or admission to a hospice.

When the death as occurred then there is the unpleasant task of organizing a funeral, going to the funeral, coping with grief and if you are an executor or supporting a surviving parent, the administration that goes with dealing with an estate.

If this is your or a friend of yours, I'm sorry you are facing this. Death isn't for the faint hearted and grief is evil. The world is full of people who eventually get through it.

If I'm right, then I think the person who delivered the 'all doomed comment' if they said nothing further was a little insensitive but probably they have been through it otherwise they wouldn't know, they possibly may be in the middle of it and in the middle of grief, and grief makes people behave in ways they wouldn't otherwise.

Assuming the conversation was about the ill parent you mentioned, the only way to interpret that interjection is that the third person was a tactless insensitive arsehole.

@AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder yeah that's the way I took it I'm afraid. I am struggling to see how this "warning" could ever be helpful. I've already lost my dad and a sibling. I also have another relative who is ill at present.

How is her saying that, as if it were some precious, sagacious insight instead of some doom-laden piece of schadenfreude, meant to be helpful? When my mother is nearing the end am I meant to think "oh this doesn't actually feel as bad as I thought it would, because <nosy old dimwit> pre-warned me?"

I have faced tragedy in my life. Quite a bit of it actually @ItsAllSoBleak I think it's more than "a little" insensitive.

Bumping

A ridiculously stupid and thoughtless thing to say. Will you see this person again?

Did you say anything back?

Also, if I have interpreted your OP correctly, you weren't even talking to her, she just butted in, uninvited, after earwigging a private, or semi private, conversation.

Agreed. Even in shitty, hard, adverse times it really helps to have positivity, hope, caring, humour. It’s how we get through stuff. Comments like that are just intended to make you feel worried and scared.

Obviously not as bad but someone said it on here about menopause and getting old, I thought what a miserable bitter person trying to pass on misery to others. Not all of us see the negatives of everything.

Absolutely. Seriously nasty. It sounds like they said it almost gleefully.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I had someone behave quite similarly towards me once when they found out my dad had Parkinson's. I still wish to this day I'd told them to fuck off!

Yes, it was careless and probably came out without much thought. Would I be getting bothered by it? Probably not but I've learnt being over-sensitive doesn't help in any way. I'd try and let it wash over me and accept it as in bad taste but no more.

They also intruded on a private conversation from the sound of things. Very rude and insensitive.

You’re having a conversation with someone about your DM being seriously unwell and they have made a comment that you don’t like. Perhaps they didn’t know what to say, perhaps they’ve experienced a traumatic time when someone close to them became very unwell. We all have different reactions to similar situations. It’s a bit like a woman who’s been through an horrendous childbirth experience telling a first time pregnant mum about it. Some people don’t want to know and it puts the fear of gods in them, some people would be ok with it as it helps them to understand what could happen.
Ultimately, this person probably wasn’t being malicious.
EDIT: sorry - just re read the Op and realised this was a 3rd person!

It's a pretty insensitive comment, we all know someone being really ill and likely dying is going to be a hard time you don't need anyone rubbing it in. I assume the person saying it had a really bad time when someone they were close to was dying, but that's no excuse really. It is also very rude to interject into two other people's conversation like that.

I don't think OP is being over sensitive here.

I'd say that the person who said that had fairly recently gone through the sane process and was feeling raw about it. It was rather tactless but I think they meant well.