Burnt out and managing tomorrow

[Bulufect5]

Not sure how I got here but I seem to be in a very bad place mentally. I am super anxious, can not stop crying and struggling to get anything done.

DH has taken the DCs out for the day but I can't get myself together.

I spent the summer working and juggling childcare as we all looked forward to our 1 week holiday. Unfortunately it didn't quite go to plan and the kids had a lovely time but I was juggling way too much, my anxiety reached a new high, I barely slept etc.. it was a write off.

I now feel awful for not enjoying it as I will never get this time back, and also dreading going back to work and managing kids and everything tomorrow.

I don't think I can cope at all. I know the children will need me to be a patient, loving parent as they figure out their new routine and I just don't have the capacity.

DH and I massively clashed yesterday so I don't even have him in my corner. I feel so lonely and don't know what to do.

Just focus on today. Write a list of what you can do to feel better and work through it.

put some good music on
shower & wash hair
breakfast
etc

nothing too ambitious just small things that will make you feel better

Thank you, I feel so guilty for not going on the day out (we always do everything together so they were a bit confused) and feel like I have ruined everyone's last day of holiday and it is going to impact tomorrow. I am spiralling.

It is done now so you are right, all I can do is make today count and try to make myself feel a little bit better somehow.

Can you make / pick up if cooking is too much for you today something nice for tea for after they return, if a nice dinner together would help you feel like you made up for not going on the day out?

Didn’t want to read and run, just wanted to assure you you’re not alone in feeling like this - currently going through an awful anxiety episode myself and have 2 DC due back at school next week and all the things that come with it. I suffer from anxiety anyway but only from reading your post has it occurred to me that doing the summer juggle of kids and work may have bought it on! I hope you start to feel better soon and go easy on yourself today x

You don't need to feel guilt about having a day to yourself. Honestly I know parents who had weeks away from their kids this summer on various holidays (either they were on hols or the kids were with grandparents etc.) I recently had my first night away from the family in two years (and second in eleven years!) and found myself feeling guilty which is frankly ridiculous. I don't have much advice as I am burnt out to the max too, but I think the idea of making a list and just doing one thing a day is a good one (ie I need to book football club after school, sort out school meals accounts, get pencil case stuff etc.)

Why was it your responsibility to work and somehow juggle the childcare all summer? Your DH needed to take off at least another week in addition to the family holiday, you take one and have the children in childcare the remaining time going forward.

Enjoy the day, stop worrying about your children spending a day with their own father. That’s hardly ruined their summer holidays.

It will be good for your DH and the kids to have some quality time together. Focus on yourself today. What calms you down? For me, when I'm in an anxiety spiral a cold shower gets me out of my mind and into my body. Other things that help are a walk somewhere green where you can hear the birds (or even barefoot in the garden really helps), or, if I'm feeling I need to rest my body (not always possible when adrenaline is so high) listening to something like 'Add to Playlist' on BBC Sounds. Something interesting enough to keep me engaged (so not a bloody relaxation/meditation track) but also relaxing enough that i can slow down my breathing and rest my body. Xx

Thank you so much, your messages have made a real difference and helped my guilt!

@PotatoFan such a lovely idea as I do love cooking. I ended up meal planning for the week, doing the food shop and baking a couple of afterschool treats as well as planned a lovely dinner. Not only did it get me out of the house, it has massively reduced my mental load for the rest of the week, so it was productive.

@Sleepy21 sorry you feel the same. I am also prone to anxiety but have never been this bad, so weird for it to peak during holiday time. It's like my brain got so exhausted it needed to either shut down or explode. I hope you feel better soon.

@Arbourimage we did use clubs but they finish at 3 and I typically work til 5 or 6. The drop offs/pick ups/multi tasking/planning and cooking tea all fell down to me because my work is the more flexible one. I feel so jealous of DH going to an office first thing and only having one thing to focus on until he gets home, he just doesn't realise the luxury.

@AndresyFiorella i love podcasts I will give "add to playlist" a go!

Tonight, my love, have an early night.

Get the uniforms, pack up, school supplies laid out ready as well as your own outfit for tomorrow as soon as the kids are in bed. Or get them to help you do it before putting them to bed.

Then have a bath/shower, fresh pjs and go to bed. Ideally by about 9pm.

Tomorrow morning will be less frantic if you have things ready and have had a decent night's sleep.

Does your DH really have no flexibility, or could he be more flexible but chooses not to be?

I would suggest your DH does all of these things tonight because you are burnt out. I'm getting the impression all the child admin/household management falls to you.