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Ruminating on possible sexual assault *trigger warning*

5 replies

ruminating3 · 29/08/2026 11:36

Before I met my husband I dated a few guys. There was one in particular that I met online and we had a first date which was nice and then he talked his way into coming round to my house on the second date. I’d made it clear I wasn’t up for anything sexually. We had kissed and flirted.
We went into the kitchen to make a cuppa and he was getting handsy. I was laughing and jokingly telling him to stop and he was behind me with me pressed into the counter from the front. I don’t remember everything clearly but he obviously was trying it on.
It resulted in him having sex with me from behind. He told me he knew I wanted it. I feel conflicted as I think I enjoyed it and I definitely enjoyed feeling irresistible and like he just couldn’t help how much he fancied me. And maybe I did want it. I don’t know. We dated for a bit after that and I slept with him very willingly the rest of the time. It’s just that that keeps playing over in my head
I don’t want to take this anywhere and I’m still trying to convince myself that this wasn’t right. I don’t know why I’m posting really. Just keep going over it in my head. Not sure why it’s coming up now.

OP posts:
Anothercake · 29/08/2026 12:44

I can see why you're mulling it over. I don't think you need to try and convince yourself it was wrong though if you don't feel like it ultimately was? Do you feel like you were assaulted? Or that you should feel like you were? Hope you are ok.

Beachlover1993 · 29/08/2026 12:49

You continued to date him, surely if you felt violated you would not have continued to meet with him.
The safest position to take is avoiding alcohol until you know them well enough

ruminating3 · 29/08/2026 13:17

I don’t know how I feel really. At the time I definitely just brushed it off. It’s only now that I’m looking back that it makes me feel so sad and vulnerable. I know I put myself in that position really.

To clarify though there was no alcohol involved- I was making a cup of tea. He was a family friend of someone I had known a long time and trusted so I guess I felt him coming round to my house was ok.

OP posts:
PromoPerson · 29/08/2026 13:53

Beachlover1993 · 29/08/2026 12:49

You continued to date him, surely if you felt violated you would not have continued to meet with him.
The safest position to take is avoiding alcohol until you know them well enough

This isn’t how sexual assault or rape works. Lots of women stay with men after assault for fear of shame/repercussion/judgement/further harm or even to try and feel ‘in control’

PromoPerson · 29/08/2026 13:55

It sounds coercive OP, if you’d said no and he kept pushing and you’re now overthinking and upset? Then I’d be rightly questioning this also. Trauma response ‘friend/fawn’ is where you seemingly ‘go along’ with it or try appease the perpetrator to try make things safer

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