What counts as a normal family social life over a month?

[Cushionsy]

What do you consider a normal social life as a family?
We live in London and have primary aged children. Family mostly far away.
How does your social life tend to go over a usual month and also how was it over summer?
I can’t tell if I should be initiating more social stuff or if I’m actually overdoing it!

eg. Do you see one or two other families usually on a fortnightly basis for quality time together ? Do you just see other mums in your own once a month I. The evening? Do you not have any local friends and instead keep up with old s hook or uni friends just having reunions? Do you do most socialising in a very surface way through a hobby or sport without much added chat? Do you initiate a lot of play dates and do you get asked back ? Etc.

Personally I meet my best female friend for a coffee/lunch around once a week or once a fortnight. I go out with a group of female friends (mostly school mums) for lunch/dinner around once a month. Meet up with old friends from school/uni/old jobs every now and then (all live far away).

We meet up with another family for an evening or weekend activity together around once a month.

My husband does a sport with friends roughly once a week.

Our primary child has a play date around once every 2-3 weeks. A birthday party around once a month.

Our secondary school kids arrange their own social lives and spend much more time with their friends than we do! And have very busy social lives.

My DCs are adults but at primary school we would meet with either grandparents or another family twice a month, DCs saw school friends every week. I would see coleagues for socialising or old friends maybe 3 times a year.

Moved way too much, friends were quite circumstantial

For who??
DH meets up with people maybe once every 6 months.
I meet up with friends maybe once a month.
DS1 is out a couple of times a week.
DS2 would happily never leave the house!!

Family - see my parents maybe every other month. In laws - fits and starts. Maybe every couple of weeks for a bit, then nothing for months and months.
Neither of us have got other extended family in england.

I don’t think we are necessarily normal.

I see a friend or two once a week (but with one or all the children)

husband has fallen out with with almost every friend so sees a friend once every six months.

used to see family friends for lunch once every 8-12 weeks or so but don’t see any family friends any more as husband doesn’t like them or they privately no longer want to socialise with my husband.

There is no normal. What works for one person won't for others. You have to do what's best for you within the limits of your time, budget and energy.

Also make sure socialising is fair within the family. Eg not one partner out several times a month abd the other only gets to go to the work Christmas do if they're lucky.

Once every few months we meet (me, DH and DC) with another family we know with kids the same age.

I meet every few weeks with a friend on my day off, usually for a walk.

I also go to a class once a week where i have a few casual acquaintances, and a book club every month or so.

Playdates are generally not involving parents. Less parties now also and they are more likely to be drop off rather than stay and chat.

Then ad hoc infrequent other events.

I don't think I have a great social life, moved around a bit and don't have a group of friends here, just unconnected friends from different places.

Thanks thibk this is interesting as I feel like it would be really great to have more interactive local social life than I do but not sure if it is unrealistic. I have plenty of acquaintances but not so many friends that I actually get to see- also that weird thing if an acquaintance becoming a friend had always been tricky to understand - and I wondered if that’s just me or not.

We don’t have much of a social life!

We live away from family so only socialise with them a few times a year. We don’t socialise with any local families.

I socialise with a couple of local friends by myself for lunch once every four months on average. My DH socialises with his local friends twice a year on average. We don’t socialise at all through hobbies.

We don’t ever meet up with old/ uni friends, it just doesn’t work with our lives.

The DC have much better social lives!

I’ve realised that for me true friends are rare. I thought I had really good friends in the past - we went on holidays together, met up weekly etc, but it turns out it was mainly due to circumstance.

In my experience it’s easier if you live in the town you grew up in and have family living nearby, then you have quite an active social life.

I moved a lot pre-children and found maintaining long-term friendships wasn’t easy. We’ve lived in the same place for twelve years (now that we have kids) and it took me a really really long time to build friendships. I made a lot of Mum friends over the years, but they mostly stayed at acquaintance level due to them having no need to make the friendship more - most of the people in my town grew up here, already have several friends and lots of family nearby that they socialise with. So they aren’t looking for more friends.

I ended up befriending two other school Mums who were both new to the area, similar situation to us, and we formed our own little family as such. Our families socialise together and the kids are almost like cousins.

So my advice (if you want to make more deeper level friendships) would be to try make friends with other people who didn’t grow up in your town, who also have family live far away. You have that in common and more likely to have more free time to socialise together.

I would say Dh and I might see a friend once a month. So it could be something like Dh and friend go camping for a night or a weekend or he takes the dc over to meet up with a friend for a drink (friend would have similar age dc). I might meet a friend for a coffee. Or we might have couple friends over for lunch or go to theirs for lunch. I have fairly low needs for socialisation. It’s nice to catch up with a friend, but once a month for a couple hours is plenty for me.

Dc see friends for a playdate or a sleepover few times a month, but we are beyond the staying around stage. I don’t really socialise with friends’ parents other than polite conversation at drop off and pick up. Eldest is a teen though so my involvement in organising anything is quite minimal.

Socialising does not dominate our day to day lives though. Our non-work/school hours are mostly devoted to hobbies and family time together. In terms of our friendships, they are mostly people we have known from school or uni or neighbours or hobbies.

Work involves a fair amount of “socialising” as an essential part of the job.
But outside of that:

• school friend to play once per half term
• adult friends around once per month
• extended family once per three months on average
• close friends who live further away once per two months

So not a lot really! But work is pretty full on with socialising so very happy to chill in my PJs when I am home.

I have recently made a new mum
friend who lives nearby & we’ve had a few coffees / play dates and done an exercise class.
Another I go jogging with as and when though am currently injured.
Otherwise, I’m happy in my own company / with dh & dd and don’t really meet up with friends. Old friends back home I see up to a few times a year if that.
My family a couple hours away I’m
very close to and see at least once a month. In laws who live in same town probably around the same. (Used to be more but life / relationship has changed in past few years).
I often think I’d like to widen my circle as I used to do quite a few classes / groups etc before dd was born, when I lived back where I come from. But also I’m so tired by the end of the day I just want to chill I peace at home!