The longer you wait the less time you have

[LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife]

With your children.

Not a goady post but it just dawned on me the longer you leave it to start a family the less time they will have you in their lives. It’s quite sad really.

Really? Only 3 years with a grandparent (and no real memory of them) or having them a bit younger and their enjoying their extended family?

Adults don't necessarily want their parents in their lives at a micro level. So you could be talking about an extra decade or two of them living in Australia etc

Your children don't exist to validate you

Very few people don't want their parents to have some sort of relationship with their grand children. There are studies showing the importance of particularly grandmaternal care for childrens' outcomes....

I know what you mean, 10 year age gap between my sister and me.

Not quite the same but I kind of feel I missed out on Granny's as they died before I was a teenager whereas my sister was in her early 20's and has some really special jewellery from them from her 21st bday. (Not jealous just wish I had more memories and a keepsake).

I had my DS young and he has joked he'll never get an inheritance 😆.

Huh? What grandparent? And where did you get 3 years from?

I am not exactly following your argument, but to clarify the point I am making is its better to be a stellar parent for the time you have with your kids even if you see less of their life or grandkids (if they give you any and not everyone will) than to be a mediocre parent and do serious emotional damage to your kid (which btw affects how they would raise any grandkids.)

As a former educator and social service worker I’ve seen way too many mediocre or outright bad parents and I know from both lived experiences and observations on others it impacts people for generations. Not saying all first time older parents are great but a lot of the dysfunction i saw in social services was from younger parents.

I know some people typically from strong and secure and supportive loving families who met their person young and were able to marry, and have kids in their mid 20s and over a decade later are happily married and doing great parenting and just thriving .

However some people for a variety of reasons may take longer to find the right person, and are more mindful in doing that and thinking about if they really want kids, rather than just rushing through life ticking off the societally accepted milestones.

Many of the greatest parents are the ones I know who made a tough decision to walk away from shitty men at say age 30 and start again which delayed them having kids. Or men who did a lot of therapy and growth before having kids to heal from past trauma and break cycles. Or tried and built some financial stability if they don’t have the type of wider family who they can get assistance from.

Again quality over quantity.

Do your children go with you when you're 'travelling extensively'? If not you're wasting time you could be spending with them are you not?

What are 'big lives'?

You don't half sound smug OP.

Absolutely. I had them in my 40s and it clutches my heart a bit on what I will miss. But would I not have them ? Not on your nelly. They are beautiful and we made them 🥰

@Lowlagal age is no indicator of 'stellar parenting'. Obviously, there is too young. But beginning parenting in ones 40s when facing periomenopause isn't ideal either.

Obviously quality is important. But quantity is important too. No one wants to lose their parents in their 20s.

It's great that you are happy with your life but that doesn't mean everyone should live the way you did. And there are no guarantees. I knew a woman who died in her 20s leaving two young kids. I also know a widower who remarried in his 50s to a younger woman and went on to have more kids, he died in his 90s. So the young parent's children don't remember her and the old parent was around until his kids were adults with families of their own. Maybe try and understand other people live their lives differently and there are advantages and disadvantages to every option.

Most people who have kids in their twenties cite "wanting to get their lives back" as a reason. They don't want to spend their later years providing "grandmaternal care", they want to be on a cruise.

Not me I love babies and small children now mine are grown I can't wait to be a granny. Cruises are rank.

Not a goady thread my arse.