Is this kind of toddler social clash and exclusion normal at this age?

[ToddlerEmotions]

We were recently on a big trip and my little boy really struggled with the dynamics with the other children.

he was the only boy his age here, the other boys are older so obviously don’t want to play. The younger girls all paired off and he was struggling to get involved.

For full transparency, he is at a stage where he’s struggling to express his emotions, and can be boisterous as a result - we always, always step in and hang around to make sure he doesn’t inadvertently hurt someone, but understandably the girls didn't like it. I think this is quite normal toddler boy behaviour but there was a clash. On the other hand, the girls seemed to be in quite a ‘bossy’ stage and quite ‘tell-Talley’ - so if he tried to hug them for example they would run off and cry ‘xxx hugged me and I didn’t like it’ and so on. I feel like he always looked like the ‘bad one’ but sometimes he was trying to be friendly but missing the mark.

two questions - is this normal for boys and girls at this age? What did you do to help your child when they were the one left out? I could tell the other children didn’t want to be around him and it just broke my heart.

Also not generalising about girls vs boys this was just my observation from this particular trip

For a start if the girls don't like him hugging them they are perfectly entitled to go and tell someone they don't like it. You need to stop him doing that.

You don't say exactly how old he is but I'm imagining a 2 year old, (I could be wrong) and children that age don't really play co-operatively so dont expect that to happen. Can you take him to nursery or find a group with more boys who might like more energetic play (not that girls can't like that too) but try and make sure he knows inappropriate hugging is a definite no.

yes of course we absolutely tell him that ‘no means no’ and talk about other people’s choices and bodies, he is only just three so it doesn’t always sink in, but as I mentioned we always stay nearby for that reason. They’re obviously entitled to not want that, but it was just an example of how sometimes he is trying to befriend them and it’s missing the mark - he has also tried giving them things and they’ve run off crying that they ‘don’t want it’. I also wasn’t saying girls can’t like certain things, it’s more about helping him deal with the rejection I guess, as some of it feels like a personality clash.
he goes to nursery and does really well, we get positive feedback that he is kind.

How old is he?

Just three last week

I think I’m waffling a bit, but essentially I see him making attempts to be friendly and join in, but they seem to miss the mark, he is too boisterous, or the other children (fairly!) just didn’t want to play with him. I’m not sure how to help him with this rejection.

Yeah it’s totally normal! By age 3-4 they usually start making some more meaningful relationships but they’re still learning to control their emotions and impulses. You can’t expect much from any of them yet!

@Pumpkinswirls thank you. He’s my first so I have no experience with this!
you’ve articulated what I was trying to - it’s very much his impulses and emotional regulation. Again not to generalise, but the girls we know seem to be more ahead emotionally and I’m wondering if this is where the clash is happening a bit.

Probably needs three year old lads to play with

How old were the girls?

If he's getting on well at nursery then there probably isn't too much to worry about. Maybe that group were just not a good mix for him.