Don't want to spend time with ILs anymore

[twentyyearsagotoday]

I find my MIL too intense. My FIL is just in a bad mood all the time - probably because my MIL is constantly fussing and flapping about various things. I hate visiting and I just don't want to do it anymore. But how do I get out of it, particularly at Xmas?! My DH is a wet fish and doesn't stand up to his DM. Instead he turns into a bit of a mute. It's as if he can't cope with the constant barrage of inconsequential nonsense. It's a very formal atmosphere too and no one ever talks about anything emotional or how they are really feeling. Perhaps I'm just perimenopausal but I cannot stand visiting. On top of that DH sister has gone NC with them both because of how they are. It's all just very bizarre and so different to my upbringing. But I don't want to hurt DH feelings. Do I have to suck it up and go? Honestly dread Xmas because of it. DH and other sister are currently organising this Xmas and I just want to cry. We have kids so feel obliged to go but is there any way I can not?! Wah!

Just say no. Be honest, most families do every other year

Yes. Could every other year be an option?
X

Of course. You do whatever you want. Your husband can take the kids for a visit to get their gifts, then you have a meal at home on christmas day. Or do a boxing day visit. But remember one day you will be a mother-in law so be kind.

Just say no. How many years have you gone? Just say no we have done 5 years and we are t doing any more

They live 2.5-3 hours away so it's often at least a one night overnight stay. This year it's also a big birthday so a cottage stay is planned. Maybe I have to suck up this year but talk to my DH about not going anymore. I can manage a day visit/lunch but again I'd rather not even do that now if I'm really honest. Or maybe I just be a selfish cow and don't go to the big bday bash either DH would not be happy.

Coming up for 15 years now. What do others do? Isn't it obvious you don't want to go?

I mean it's not just Xmas either. It's all visits. I've just had enough.

Just don't go? If DH is a bit of a wet fish will he actually sort out the arrangements to visit?
If the in laws question you not going then just say it was up to their son to organise.

I didn’t want to go to my ILs one year, adamant I wasn’t going, so booked a holiday for myself, DH and kids. It was the best Xmas we’d had in years - cabin in the forest, swimming in Xmas day.

It set a precedent that we do what suits us now at Xmas. That was 9 years ago and we’ve not had Xmas day with ILs since.

Do a Christmas visit but certainly not Xmas day. Just a festive period visit.
Consider meeting halfway for a pub lunch or nat trust property.
Alcohol 🍸
Don't do the other visits. Dh can take the kids himself or see them alone. They're his parents firstly ! Just be busy or say you're not feeling well enough for it.

We used to do halfway visits with my bil-I find him a bit intense, has to be centre of attention etc. it worked brilliantly. Limited time spent, nice meal, can’t whinge.

What about your parents, OP? And your family? When do you see them over Christmas?