Clash of expectations

[Threebirdies]

I’ve got 2 grandchildren who I love dearly and think are fab. However they live 3+ hours away so I probably only visit a couple of times a year and then they occasionally used to come here to visit and I would host, cook, entertain etc. We have a lovely time when we do see each other, rather like the times I saw my grandparents as a child (they also lived several hours away) However my DS seems to be increasingly resentful that I’m not a ‘more involved’ grandparent to the extent he’s made it clear he wants ‘all or nothing’ We still work full time on top of significant family caring commitments and don’t have much money, we actually spend more on the grandchildren than each other. It’s very expensive for us to go and visit and I have very little free time as it is. Although if they lived locally it would be much easier to integrate them into weekly activities like Sunday lunch. Ironically the grandchildren seem quite happy with how things are but the DS seems to want to scupper any relationship with them for us not having met his expectations

I do feel like he resents me for not filling this bank of mum and dad, adoring very involved grandparent with plenty of time and money in their hands role and I resent him for having that expectation in the first place. We were close as a family but not wealthy so that was just never a thing, my parents with their parents and us with our parents had much more equal relationships as adults, i.e. we’d be there for each other totally when needed and very much enjoy time together but didnt have any sense of entitlement