Struggling with having the children all summer and missing my old life

[itsthere]

I already know some responses won’t be overly sympathetic and I’m not exactly looking for sympathy, but anyone who understands will be appreciated.

I really do love my children and I do my absolute best for them but I have struggled so much this summer. They are with me all the time, they are only young so don’t really tend to ‘just chill out’ in the house or watch films etc and so I either have to entertain them or let them entertain themselves but if I do that it’s never long before someone needs help or wants me to watch something or they lose interest or they fall out.

And I have struggled to be honest, wanting more time for me to do the things I used to enjoy. And then it occurs to me that this is kind of it, that while they’ll get older and hopefully more independent I’m never going to really properly be able to live life as I once did again.

I know I’ll get lots of ‘what did you expect’ comments but so much I miss that I didn’t even know was worthy of missing. Much like you don’t realise you’ll miss a loved one’s tuneless whistling or your mum’s teacup or something. I didn’t really know I’d miss it.

I don’t know why it’s hitting me now, maybe because I am properly on my own without anyone to help. Just seeing if anyone out there understands.

This is hilarious!
Those working parents who are juggling everything: working all day and then being exhausted but still having to come home and be mum, cook dinner, clean and do bedtime before doing the whole day again?

I say this as someone who gets the holidays off with my kids and it can be relentless and exhausting and monotonous but I know I’m not juggling work in the holidays.

You should put the eldest in holiday camp next time maybe 1 -2 days a week or at least every other week of the holidays. Will be good for everyone as they’ll get to spend time with kids the same age out of
the house and you will have more one on one time with the three year old.

Don’t you have any parents or family who you could send them to for the odd couple of nights sleepovers too? Don’t be precious packing off your three year old for a night or two, they’ll survive and have fun.

It’s all about balance and grabbing a few days off here and there. It does take a village to raise your children if you don’t want to go mad.

I recognise you, OP. You've posted about this repeatedly and you've had loads of suggestions on your many threads, very few of which are acceptable to you. I understand that you're having a terrible time right now. Your situation does sound truly horrific. But maybe you need to exercise a little tough love on yourself and your marriage? Pull yourself together, figure out what you need, whether it's counselling or an au pair or some babysitting, tell your DH to fuck off with telling you not to spend the money (I know he's ill and in pain but he's still acting like a dick) and get in whatever help you need. If you collapse from exhaustion he's not going to be the one picking up the slack.