Is it common for only one sibling to hold parents' power of attorney?

[larkandowl]

We are a small family and we are close to my husband's parents and his only sibling, a sister.

She has, up until fairly recently, not been working, although a couple of years ago she took over some of her elderly father's bookkeeping for a small company he still was running (or rather, his staff was running). Still only a maximum of 1–2 days' work per week.

As such, she became the go-to person for their parents in terms of sorting admin out and taking them to medical appointments, although we have helped too. Me, as daughter-in-law, especially with some of the medical stuff, but also occasionally taking them to appointments. To add, my husband works incredibly long hours, so I'm his proxy, but I also have an elderly dad who needs a lot of support. In fact, probably more help over the last 10 years than my sister-in-law has had to provide to her parents until very recently.

Long story short-ish. My in-laws, in particular one, are getting more poorly. The wife has severe dementia and needs to go into a home, we think, soon. They probably need to downsize either way, and may look for 24-hour care at home for the wife.

Just found out that my sister-in-law has very recently also got POA for medical decisions (she had it for finance before). My husband is not on either.
We do trust each other and have always been close, but I would have thought it would be good to have a second person on the POA, in case something happens to the other?

My sister-in-law is keeping us informed about decisions and medical matters, but we have no idea how much money the parents have, as she is in the meetings with the financial adviser, so we can't help advise.

But is it quite common for one sibling to be the only POA named? We all live very close to each other.

My sister (of three) was the only one with POA. Because she was the one who did it. My other sister would be useless and I live in another country. We trust each other explicitly so had no concerns.

I was co-attorney for our mum with my sister. She lived close to our mum and did the day to day. If anything happened to my sister I could take over. Without a backup you can be left powerless.
We are in the process of getting POA with our spouses and will be back ups for each other.

@larkandowl
My mum and step dad have just had POAs done. I am one of three. One of my brothers is sensible but lives in Australia so not much practical help, my older brother quite frankly drinks too much and has no meaningful relationship with my step dad. I live 120 miles away and was diagnosed with cancer this year. So Im not much help.
POA has been given to my uncle (mum's brother,) and one of the grandchildren.
There will be no inheritance for my brother to get his knickers in a twist about so really its medical stuff. They trust the two people concerned, they are on the spot so its the most sensible and practical decision.

@larkandowl You’re lucky to have a light workload with POA for your mother, that was not my experience.

You cannot amend an LPA, the PILs would need to agree to end the current ones and make new ones. And they can only set up a new LPA if they still have the capacity to do so (and wish to).

Doing this would be disruptive for no good reason unless you have reason to think SIL is at imminent risk of death or serious illness. If she is away on holiday she can still stay in contact with medical staff via phone/email.

Perfectly normal. We have the same set up.

There isn’t really a “back up” POA, you either have POA or you don’t. If you have more than one, then you need to choose if they have to make all decisions together or if they can make them in their own. Both my brother and I have POA for my mum but I can make decisions on my own as he lives in another country and it won’t always be practical to wait due to the time difference. There isn’t a lot you can do about this now and if you think she’s doing a good job then this is one I would let slide.

You keep asking what will happen if your SiL becomes herself incapacitated or out of communication when a decision needs to be made. But your PiL doesn't have capacity and so cannot change whatever PoA has been set up. If your DH is as concerned as you are about this possibility happening, then he can speak to his sister to ensure that she puts something in place (I've no idea what that something might be) that instructs your PiL's healthcare team that if she is unavailable, your DH can make decisions about PiL's care. Otherwise, the only other solution you have is to wait for such a situation to arise and then go for guardianship. At the present, you can do nothing, so no point worrying about what ifs. Be grateful that your SiL is involving her brother in decision making: that doesn't always happen.

I don’t think you can add a name to a POA; it’s too late now as you would need to cancel the existing one and set up a new one and as they don’t have capacity it is not appropriate.
It would have been better to have added her brother as a joint but with the option of not requiring both attorneys to make the decision.
If she generally supports the parents maybe she didn’t want to muddy the waters but he could have been added as a reserve in the event of her being incapacitated etc.
Should have, could have, it’s too
late now.
Just support his sister as needed and let her know you are at the end of the phone if she needs to chat things through.
As your husband is very busy perhaps they didn’t want to add to it?
I would want the person who really understood what I would want in the event they are making decisions on my behalf, maybe they feel his sister is best placed?

I am pretty sure that should there be a serious decision to be made and SIL is away, they would contact her by phone.

My sister and I have had to refer to POA in several decisions about both parents. In each case the one of us that was there (we take turns when necessary) would give our consent. In no case was the decision of the other sought. We were not going with recommendations either.

You can name a replacement attorney if your original can no longer (or no longer wishes to) act as attorney but it has to be done at the time of setting it up. And it is a permanent change. The alternative is to have two attorneys who are each empowered to make decisions alone. But again the boat has sailed on that in this case. I strongly recommend setting up POAs when your youngest child turns 18 when they can become named replacements, even if you don’t expect them to need to act for you as you have spouse or siblings in that role.

I don’t feel it’s your place really to be even posting about this. I wouldn’t have dreamt of speculating on how my money my ILs had. Simply not my business. My parents have just died and I’m a LO so did everything. My husband has been very supportive but wouldn’t ask questions.

You can be "jointly and severely" as opposed to just jointly which means you need both people to act. My brother and I both have poa for my dad but I'm the one who uses it as I'm retired, 8 years older than my brother and far more capable of dealing with the computer stuff for the banking

Feels a weird thing for you to want / need now. Why do you need to know how much money they have out of interest?

Actually you know nothing about our situation. I am the one who gets invited to lunch along sibling, I am the one they ask for help if there is a tricky situation legal or medical. So I am the go-to.
Funnily enough, MIL once said perhaps I should be on the POA (not her son). She loves and trust her son (my husband) but knows I'm the person who does the work!!

That's why!!

Well, we're being asked advised about long-term care home so obviously, in order to advise, we need to know the whole picture. Again MIL very open with her finances with me verbally but we don't know exactly their position.

Well, we're being asked advised about long-term care home so obviously, in order to advise, we need to know the whole picture before decisions are taken as to the level of private care home. Again MIL very open with her finances with me verbally but we don't know exactly their position.

Both our DC have PoA. I decided DH was getting passed being able to deal with anything that might come up.

What did you have to do with yours? I take my my mother to all medical appointments, help with her banking (although she can do certain things) and all things to do with anything else apart from shopping and cooking. She copes well but really there is not that much to do. I mean maybe I just go used to doing a fair bit over a long time!

At what time did you give your kids POA? Mine are getting close to 18...so might have to think about changing it as currently it's a close friend and someone in our family who are our (husband and I) attorneys.

Not what you asked, but when I read the original post I noted the point about potentially downsizing and moving house around the time of a care home assessment. My understanding is that a home that is not sold when one married person is in care is not counted in the "how much money do you have?" question if the other still lives there. However if it is sold then half of its value might be. Do check.

Ah, that must be our situation.

You can do things like telephone and online banking if she gives consent over the phone or at her branch if she has one nearby. I think you can set that up without the bank having to see POa.

Same thing with GP. Sister and I both had consent for access to medical information - when needing to communicate with GP over medication, appointments and outcomes of tests. That was really important.

My Auntie and Uncle gave both myself and my cousin POA (to be active upon incapacity). I think they included me as they didn't want their nother son involved in their affairs.

And this is how all my friends - with siblings, some living far away - have it set up.

I'm certain both of my husband's parents would have signed for it as he's a replacement attorney, but tbh we were having lots of medical issues on my side of the family when the sister suggested it and she did the POA and he just signed without questioning it.

As I say, we trust her but just seems so much better to be joint and several.

In my opinion as long as the chosen one is honourable and competent one is better. Nothing worse than sibling bickering over medical and financial decisions . Sometimes there can only be one!