Would I be wrong to donate eggs without telling my family?

[bexza]

5 years ago I told my mum I wanted to donate my eggs one day and she said that that was her DNA too, she should get a say, how I would be abandoning my child etc. It would be traumatic for her. She would feel she has the right to know and see her grandchild etc. My dad hated the idea too.

Well I still want to do it. I told a friend 3 months ago. She said that they had infertility issues and wanted to try for 2 more years, but it would be an egg donor they need if still no baby after two years. We haven't spoken since but she asked me if I would be open to egg donation and I said yes. Again early days and just a fleeting comment.

Lets say it went ahead. Would it be wrong to do this and not tell my family?

My friend is of a different ethnicity and myself and her partner are white. Clearly this wouldn't bother her. But it will become obvious that there was a donor and my mum and friend are connected on Facebook as she's been my close friend for years. So would likely find out. Is this a reason not to do this.

So just hypotentically am I being unreasonable doing this?

Its your body your choice. If your parents are upset then. But if you can help someone out.....

It’s nothing to do with your parents if you decide to donate your eggs, but in the circumstances I’d advise you against donating to a close friend. She’d be better having an anonymous donor if your mother is going to regard her child as a grandchild.

my mum barley pays attention to her actual grandkids so I doubt she would butt her nose in

Deleted

I remember your previous thread on this. No, you don't need to tell your mum and no, she doesn't have any right to know. The idea is ridiculous. No one has rights over what happens to 'their' DNA, or everyone would have to ask their parents' permission every time they had sex with anyone!

I've never posted this before, unless I am losing my memory!

Would you be allowed to donate eggs to someone you knew?

Wouldn't there be all sorts of ethical issues from a legal and medical point of view?

Donating an organ like a kidney is entirely different from potentially creating a new human being

Your mum obviously does not get a say. You can choose whether to tell her or not.

I wouldn't be concerned about her realising your friend has a baby that looks like her husband. I would consider that she might find out in future via one of these DNA websites that unwise people pay to offload their personal genetic code onto. The child wouldn't do that for many years of course, and perhaps you would expect your mum to not be around any longer depending on her age. But if you have other close family members, siblings, children etc, then they could match with the child and realise what had happened.

Your body your choice!
You share DNA with your mum but she doesn't own your body as a result, how ridiculous. Just don't tell them.

When you said "family" I thought initially you meant husband and children. That would be a different consideration. I would certainly have discussed it with my husband because its a big thing for your joint kids to have biological half siblings, particularly ones who will be in their lives. Similarly if he proposed to donate sperm I would want to know/discuss. (I don't know if these are concerns for you though ...)

Yanbu

Obviously it’s not your mums choice. However I don’t agree with egg donation and think this has disaster written all over it.

Your parents have no say in it. But donating to someone you know is a bad idea for everyone involved.

if your friends follow the selection process she will be able to choose eggs from someone if her likening too, which can help with integration and family dynamics later in life.

furthermore successful pregnancies from egg donation are not high. She could continually miscarry your eggs, ( or any woman’s) then how would you feel? How would she feel?

there are many routes for your friends to be parents, not sure why you need to involve yourself and your family.

she said that that was her DNA too, she should get a say

Nope!

And dont forget egg donation Is a very invasive process, and risks your own fertility too.

It's nothing to do with your mum and I just wouldn't discuss it with her again.

But please think carefully before donating eggs to someone you know. If this person is a close friend, you will obviously be around and spending time with the child who is biologically yours. This could bring up all sorts of emotions and feelings and I think you should have some psychological input before making a decision.

It is ultimately up to you and nothing to do with your mum.

But I do wonder if donating to someone you know might be unwise/ethically dubious.

You could die donating eggs, do you realise this?

Personally I don’t agree with egg donation - it’s selfishly putting the wants of an adult over the emotional impact on any resulting child

and when you consider that a woman is born with all the eggs she’ll ever create that means you do actually start life inside your grandmother - it’s a familial link which shouldn’t be ignored

thank you everyone for your thoughts I will think over this

Why would you do this? And to a friend you consider close but haven't spoken to in three months?
I don't agree with egg donation not least because no one ever talks about the impact on the CHILD. You're too busy wondering about what your mum thinks (?!) to even begin to think about the ethical and moral issues nevermind the psychological impact on the resulting human being. Awful. Please grow up before you turn these 'fleeting' comments into action

The baby will have your mannerisms and share your features. You'll be seeing what will be your biological child all the time and you'll have no say in how it's raised.
Could you really cope with that?
Easy to say when it's an abstract idea - different ball game when the baby is here.

Never mind could SHE cope with it. Could the child??

Your mum doesn’t get a say. But I’m pretty sure anonymous donation is the way to go. So many things can go wrong!