How to deal with a narcissistic adult child

[NCForHelpNarc]

My child is 24, haa been quite difficult since puberty but this has escalated dramatically over the years.

She screamed and shouted at me this evening as I asked why she couldn’t have thrown mouldy food out of the fridge that sje had started eating and I had none of.

wow that escalated quickly. I repeatedly asked her to leave the room but no carried on for another 30 minutes and accused me of being a narcissist.

I know I’m not but I checked with Google. I don’t have a single trait other than I DO add my two pennoth in if I’ve got experience of something some is going thru but not in an elevenerife way, to empathise.

Then I looked up narcissistic child and my god she has every single trait. I was so shocked. is it normal for someone with these personality traits to project them onto you and try to blame you.

I have struggled to cope living with her for the 4 months since she came back to live with me in tens of thousands of debt with no job or friends or relationship.

I have now said she is to go to her dads to live. I can’t keep trying with this as a result. Every single time I make the slightest request I get abuse.

i am pretty broken after four months of this. Please be kind. I’ve literally no support in coping with this.

It’s difficult if she’s older but if she’s under your roof she needs to be respectful.

Can you offer an olive branch and talk about it? Her life doesn’t sound ideal, perhaps she is stressed.

I’ve talked and offered help and advice every week. She does nothing. Lies around on her phone. Most jobs are beneath her. She’s thrown away an amazing career in a niche market as she underperforms so much. Living with her has been an eye opener. Her dad is apparently getting her a job where he works so living there works as well.

literally everyone I know thinks I should have shown her the door months ago but it’s not my nature and I couldn’t. I just kept trying to encourage her and getting it thrown in my face.

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From reading both your posts here, you need to decide what you will or won’t live with, state your boundaries, grit your teeth and make them stick.

You will find it hard, have found it hard and look where not maintaining boundaries has got you. Sadly, your daughter has no interest or intention of being kind to you. You need to be firm in return.

A Prime Minister here in Australia once said “always back Self Interest. At least you know it’s trying to win”. Your dd has always backed Self Interest. Now it’s time for you to do the same. But, YOU are the only person who can do it for you.

I think you have to reach the stage you have reached before asking her to leave. Luckily, she does have somewhere else to go. Do not give in now, remember what she said and did last night and reiterate this morning that she needs to go to her dads today.

She shouldn’t want to stay with you, saying as you are a narcissist!

I've been here as a mum. Kicking them out is hard, horrific even. But it's necessary once they've lost respect for us.

On the plus side, I had to do this 4 years ago. It took over a year for my DC to leave due to the difficulty they had finding somewhere to live. But now they live elsewhere, our relationship has improved again.

But yes, living together was horrific. My mental health suffered hugely.

So narcissism is generally caused by an early childhood trauma that causes them to create a false self to protect themselves. Was there a trauma and how have you equipped her to heal from it and live a fulfilling life with positive relationships? Or are you throwing around meaningless pop psych to justify your behaviour?

She’s arranged to move to her dads this weekend.

@MiraculousLadybug I’m aware of the general cause for narcissism but I’m genuinely at a loss as to what trauma she sustained. Nor do I throw around excuses for my behaviour.

I am ever hopeful the relationship with this daughter becomes better with me and with her siblings. It’s so hard and hurtful for all involved.

thank you everyone who’s replied. I’ve struggled to set boundaries but I didn’t know what they were but I finally grew a pair and it has worked. I just hope it improves our relationship in the long-term. We both need a break from this.