Life imploded and hardly breathing

[Outofmydepth63]

Not sure if I am looking for support, advice or a sounding board but need to put it down as I feel numb and have no one to talk to.

Context: we have two children. One, the older, is adopted and we (us and school) suspect SEN which bio family have. Second is our bio child.

One of the issues we face with our oldest (5) is he lies. Little lies that are normal like he didn't take something, he didn't hit his sister etc. And then bigger ones like nanny kicked me on weeks he hasn't seen nanny or me and this kid went here on weekends he hasnt left the house. More serious ones like the nursery nurse hit me when I know they haven't as it has been their week off so no contact with him.

Most recently he has told the school his dad hurts him. He does not. I know loads of people claim that but I am 100% sure. Problem is they now say he can't be alone with dad and I am scared senseless. Had a Dr's check angd no marks other than the ones from jumping of monkey bars, running into a door, running into a tree etc that all happened at school.

I feel sick and the worse part is now me, dad and grandparents all feel scared to be alone with him. I feel like even if this all goes away there is something that has happened to our family I'm scared we can't fix.

Please be gentle. I'm not ok.

It will be fine. DH hasn’t hurt him so there’s no evidence of anything so no further action will be taken most likely. Look at all the families that actually do hit their kids and nothing is done. You’ll be fine, ask school and social services for as much support as they’re willing to give.

I’m sorry this is happening. 💐 The process of investigating these types of allegations is brutal on parents and children, and then they are expected to just bounce back like nothing ever happened. I really hope your thread doesn’t get taken over by sanctimonious arseholes justifying the witch hunt. We used to be able to dismiss obvious lies but now every allegation has to be investigated, leaving less resources for those who really need them.

Please get in touch with the Family Rights Group for advice OP. They have a website and helpline. Their starting point is everyone deserves advice on their rights in these situations.

Who said he can’t be alone with dad?

Hey iv been here xx i adopted 3, SGO 2 etc etc its a tough ride xx a group on facebook adoption support is brilliant xxx i was also a qualified social worker and i grew up in care x join the group x Also look at post adoption support x

Op I would advise you to post this on the adoption board where posters have adoption specific experience with such issues.

I kust want to thank you all. I am taking it on board to do but right now I'm just trying to focus on getting through to bed time and not falling apart which is taking everything I've got.

Thank you for taking the time though truly. Even feeling a little less alone in it has helped a bit.

Try to see it as a good thing op - reframe it, we are living in a caring society and all children matter. That’s a good thing. A healthy thing. You know you haven’t done anything wrong, and ds is just going through a stage. It will pass, and so will this.

It will be okay. Just hold firm.