Just a little update. He is still in hospital. His section 2 finishes next week. I really dont know whether they'll put him onto a section 3. They described him as very flat in mood but he is allowed to walk around the hospital grounds alone again so that's a big improvement. I am not sure he is telling me the complete truth about his suicidal thoughts. He says they aren't as bad but I'm not sure I believe him. He promises me he is telling the truth but then he is taking sedatives everyday when it gets too much so...
I dont know if he'll stay in voluntarily if they dont put him on section 3. I dont think I can allow him home in his current state as I don't feel able to leave him alone. I am going to tell the drs this.
I misunderstood his pay situation and thought he had a few more months on reduced pay but his pay actually stops completely next month. So that's a big worry. He has started the PIP process. I earn £40,000 and we have a mortgage, not rent so we're not eligable for any other benefits.
He is only letting me visit once a week.
But! I'm starting to get excited about our holiday! Still terrified but excited.
He is still asking me to cancel and talking about how he can't cope with it. He says most of his worrying is about this. I honestly don't know if he really would feel better if we cancelled or whether he'd just worry about something else instead.
Either way last time I saw him I told him to stop asking me because we're going and that isn't changing. I tell him what he needs to know but won't discuss it. I know that he will ramp up over the next few weeks. The frustrating thing is I really want to ask his advice on a few things and share a few exciting things but I can't.
He keeps coming up with problems but I dont know if it's him genuingely worrying or if he is trying to point out things I might not have thought about or if he's trying to scare me into cancelling. I can't help but think there is an element of the last reason in it which is breaking my heart for being so manipulative.
His mum still wont commit to letting him stay if he is discharged when we go away. I'm fuming over it. What sort of mum washes her hands of her ill son? I know some of you will say that's what I'm doing but this is for 12 days. I'm going to be forever really.
His brother has had an op so I'm not sure will be up to it but when I know what is happening next week I'll have a chat with him.
My daughter knows what is happening (not the suicidal intentions) but I realised a few days ago that she thinks he has left her. I guess the most recent admission was that he was there before she went to school but we didn't know he was going to be admitted so he didn't say goodbye and she's not seen him since. She won't even text him or let him text her. At some point we'll need to look at how we can gain her trust again and repair their relationship.
Understandably she hasn't done great in her mocks. She was on target for 8/9s but got 4/5s. More concerning is that she doesn't care. School are aware of everything going on (she hates me for telling them) and a couple of teachers have asked to meet with me to discuss so we are all being proactive and hopefully get her back on track.
I am seriously starting to question whether sticking by him is causing her more damage than walking away. I don't think I'm ready to really face that.