Any tips for getting through grief?

[CunningLinguist2]

Any tips for getting through grief?
Feeling quite lost & consumed by it. Time? Ride the beast as best you can?

It’s a year today that my son (28) passed away. My grief feels the same as it did 12 months ago. I cannot imagine feeling any different x

I think giving it time is what most people would say. But there are so many variables with grief, it's so personal. When my sibling died, we all reacted differently - me, closed up and couldn't talk about it, my sister, going out all the time to be with friends as being at home too difficult, my dad, angry and raging at the world, my mum, stoic and soldering on trying to keep everything together. It was a hellish time but what got my parents through was joining a support group for bereaved parents. Maybe grief counselling if you're feeling stuck?

I lost my mum in February, I have had some better days and then days when it feels as sad as the day she died. Coming to terms with the fact she’s no longer here is the worse part , where has she gone ?? I do find some comfort visiting her grave it’s in a beautiful meadow surrounded by wildflowers and butterflies.

I’m so so sorry 💐

You just have to cope as best you can. Take one day at a time, allow yourself to cry, scream, shout whatever you need to do. Eventually the horror of losing a loved one isn’t quite so horrific. You never really get over it, as such, you just get used to it.

Time, time, time. And carrying on as best you can. Eventually you somehow get used to it.

Five years since my lovely dad died and I still miss him so much, as do my mum and siblings and children. I'm in my sixties and still cry sometimes, after he died I cried every day for about 4 months, it was exhausting.

We talk about him very often, I visit the grave less often now, about every month, I did go nearly every day for quite some time. We get together and have a lunch and go to the cemetery on certain anniversaries.

The support of my siblings has helped so much and we all support our mum, who has shown incredible resilience despite her overwhelming grief and runs their large house and garden completely by herself.

But it's mostly time that eventually enables you to incorporate the sadness into your life whilst not completely dominating it.

One day at a time. But also, if it is a deep unrelenting grief, actively take care of your health and mental health. When DH died, after the first few weeks i forced myself to do some minimum things every day to hold myself together - exercise, healthy food, time in nature, talking to or meeting up with another adult. Don't fall into unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking.

No idea, if you get any ideas, I need them as well

Mum passed 1st march, very quickly, one day she was driving to town, the next in hospital with a painful leg - 2.5 weeks later she was gone

Its floored me

I can go a few days "normal" then bang - Im barely functioning

I just try to keep to a routine, get up and get washed and teeth brushed and head into work. Some mornings I sail in and manage a shift as my normal self. others I will be balling my eyes out half way in and just do my work and hold it together , keeping myself to myself

Luckily my work colleagues are really understanding and although I dont have a huge friendship group and little to no family, those I do have have been great, keeping in touch, asking after me, letting me be

Let yourself cry and then cry as much as you need. Have a post-cry protocol (could be cup of tea, a walk, a friend to call, a bath). Don't resist the tears.

I think you've answered well yourself already. Yes to time, yes to riding it out. It gets easier bit by bit.
I'd also say just let yourself feel it all and know that won't feel how you expect. We collectively laughed the morning after my mum died when my BIL somehow covered himself in scrambled eggs. It was ridiculous enough to cut through even that really raw grief. If you'd asked if I'd laugh less than 24 hours after she died, I'd have said of course not. The feelings do all sorts of things throughout the process though. I found I was fine being back at work after a week, a friend took over a month. Neither was right nor wrong, just what felt most ok for us in the moment. Just take it day by day with whatever feels right for you
I'm sorry you're going through it and I hope this thread helps in a small way.

Thank you.

We are away on holiday so that we wouldn’t be at home over the anniversary. It’s still shite…although being in a different place is only slightly better than sitting at home.

Hurray for sunglasses…all I did was bloody cry yesterday. DH was listening to Jack’s playlist (on shuffle) and blow me if it didn’t play three of his celebration of life songs one after the other which then set DH off. We did manage a little laugh in the end…DH said I bet that was a sign from Jack to say stop making it all about us.

It changes. Ds died suddenly 21 months ago. Anger was a predominant feeling and still is.
I will never be the same again. Neither will his sibling.
If you met me you wouldn't know i was going through grief.

I am so sorry.

Time is the main thing I think.

But in the short term, when my DH died I found it helpful to prioritise things that were good for my mental health. Eg allowing myself to go for a walk in the sunshine rather sorting through stuff at home.

Sending you love and strength ❤️ xx

Acceptance is part of the healing process

I lost my best friend recently and the feeling of grief is horrendous, worse than any grief I’ve been through previously.

Previous grief has taught me to give myself time and really take care of myself. Before I would try to carry on, please others etc, but I’ve learnt not to spread myself to thinly and prioritise myself. By taking that approach I’m in a much better place to deal with things.

THANK YOU - I've only managed to get back on here today. I am so very sorry for all of your losses.

Bless you @CunningLinguist2

I lost a best friend suddenly, and years later both parents within three years.

I’m still grieving, I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Realising that life was better with them in it, and the rest of my life will be different helped me. I’ve adapted, there is a hole in my heart and my life that will always be empty, and that’s ok. I also know that the stages of grief are not linear, you bounce back and forth. Some days I’m still overwhelmed, other days I hardly think about them. I go with the flow.

I’m not a Royalist, far from it, but something the late Queen said struck me, “Grief is the price we pay for love.” And I’m so grateful I had them to love in my life x

I lost a friend about a month ago now. It’s very hard. It’s made me realise what is important in life, looking after myself and loved ones, take time for myself and don’t waste time on those that don’t deserve it.

This is the absolute worst /so so sorry/my own sons are 29 and 27 so I can’t imagine this. Just sending (pointless) hugs xxx

A close friend lost his wife two years ago. They were the most ‘married’ couple I know.
He is very stoic and manages his grief by doing lots ‘stuff’ -diy for himself/friends/son, work, hobby groups etc.
He met a lovely lady through a hobby group and seems to be forming a relationship. Initially his son was resistant but sees that v ours helping his dad and the mother is still very much ‘with’ him.
As friends, we are all just here to listen if he c wants to talk.

Time. Time to go through all the stages. Then just more bloody time. My DS died 12 years ago followed the next year by my DM. Time has smoothed the raw, sharp edges of grief. Time has allowed me to accept that life, happiness, love can live alongside grief. Time has allowed me to accept and enjoy happiness. Time has shown me that there are still hard, sad days and I don’t try and pretend that on those days all is ok. 12 years on I still cry for my DS. But life continues and I carry my son forward with me.

We need to be so grateful while we still have our DC with us and just keep hugging them.