Apparently im cruel !

[GreenOpalFruits]

Apparently im cruel! Dc is 8 and has a friend in school. When he 1st started we spent some time with mum and friend. I noticed friend was quite rough ie kicking, punching. Mum didnt discipline and often ignores child. Mum also would text me repeatedly. Anyway I moved away from the friendship. Son still happy to play with friend. However friend is very possessive and often physically restrains son and my son struggles to play with others. This mum has now gone to my ex and they've got the kids seeing each other out of school. I asked my ex that these meetings be supervised due to above. Ex went on a rampage and told me im cruel to exclude a child !

Do you think your ex and this friend are seeing each other? Might explain the strong reaction. I think the important thing is that your son is happy to play with him though i agree I'd be worried about the kicking and punching.

Hahaha no they're not together. They both have other long term partners. No worries there. I am not interested in my ex at all

This parent also had had her dad pick my child up and do a play date

Nothing you can do when he’s with your ex unfortunately. Push him towards nicer friends when he’s with you.

But your child is friends with that child, you don't like the mum, so surely it's good that your ex is willing to facilitate play dates?

is your ex just being stubborn?

The play dates that involve my child being kicked and punched ? The mum ignores the child and I dont feel shes a suitable person to be in charge of my child.

Hes a nightmare. Our child would rather be with me so he's doing play dates etc to get him to want to go there as he sees this child.

You have said your child is friends with him at school, he is 8 you can't control who he plays with at all times. Your ex is also your child's parent and will supervise as he sees fit. Your child can't be that distraught by it if he still plays with him at school

can you speak to the school,
perhaps they can guide your ds, as you can, in self esteem

You’ve had several threads about this. While he’s with the dad, he’s the one who makes the decisions.

I made one thread that i asked to be removed. That is not several.
Im concerned about my child's safety.

This. Also is your child more likely to engage in rough play too when with his friend, therefore his mum thinks your son is rough too.

I work in a school and this could easily be about a group of boys there. One is definitely more rough than the others (and likely to have a yet to be diagnosed disorder), but the others play on this to wind him up and get him in trouble. They are also more sly about their actions.

You are obviously going to see your son as the innocent party but he is going to want to choose his own friends and is likely to be joining in with what the friend does on his own accord.

OK I'll just stand by whilst my child is strangled and kicked

Do you have any photos of strangulation marks round the neck or extreme bruises on the body?

What did the rampage involve?

Teach your son to not let other kids strangle and assault him, to fight back, to ask a teacher to make the violent kid stop. but if he's happy to be around the violent kid there's not much you can do.

Do you use a parenting app for communicating with the ex?

Yes. I have pictures of stratches, seen him strangle and restrain my child etc. My ex is very difficult so for my mental wellbeing I keep contact to a minimum. I have raised concerns before that have been ignored

I don't think you can necessarily create distance on your child's behalf from their friend especially if your Co parent isn't seeing the issue, but what you can do is talk about friendship boundaries, healthy vs unhealthy friendships, how to hold your boundaries and how to ask for help and listen to your gut. I'd be really focusing on trying to teach my child those skills so that he can look at the friendship more objectively and make a decision himself and speak up for himself and express how it makes him feel, both to the friend/ the other parent and to his dad.