Neighbour annoyed at me for asking her not to collect our washing in.

[Firefliesdancing]

I arrived home today to find the washing had disappeared off the line that I’d put out this morning before work. It had rained heavy but I wasn’t too worried as I knew the weather was going to be scorching hot so they would be dry regardless. No note had been left, so looked on our cctv to find the neighbour over the back garden had got her husband to climb over on some ladders and take them in after peering in our back patio doors after realising we wern’t in.

We’ve only spoke to these neighbours a handful of times. It has made us feel slightly uncomfortable as I hate the thought of someone else handling my underwear/clothes/bedding. We went round with a small box of chocolates to say thanks and retrieve them. We asked them not to do it again politely and just leave them out as we have a drier if they can’t get dry naturally, thanked them again and left.

Unfortunately they are smokers (we are not) so our clothes had a whiff of stale smoke on them so rinsed them back through and put them back on the line as it was still boiling hot outside all dried within the hour. Knock on the door 20 minutes later after I’d taken them in. I assumed something was left so wasn’t expecting her to start having a go on the doorstep saying we’re not dirty you know, we did you a favour, not everyone is as nice as us we like to do things for people.

I was a bit taken aback so just said I’m sorry we’re trying to put the kids to bed, again thank you for your kindness and closed the door.

Does anyone else find this behaviour bizarre…maybe it’s the heat, I’m tired and I’ve missed something…is it the norm for people you don’t really know to collect your washing in when it rains?

I don’t get it. Surely the neighbour would have knocked on your front door first to check if you were in or not rather than getting a ladder and climbing over the back fence to peer through patio doors? That’s what I would do if I needed to speak to my neighbour. And they’ve done all this fence climbing whilst it’s pouring down?

But their house does smell, as does their washing now - of smoke.
Should they have put it away in their wardrobes stinking?
People who smoke definitely get used to the smell, someone who doesn't smoke can find it revolting.

About 20 years ago, I lived in a ground floor flat with a shared garden, and my neighbour and I were good friends and would do it regularly for each other, and it was a life saver. However, we would tend to just hang underwear etc inside rather than the shared garden, and put big things on washing line, so weren’t handling each others smalls.

How else do you dry laundry in Summer? Drying outside is free and environmentally friendly.

It’s an old fashioned curtesy when people lived in communities where they stop for a chat over the garden fence, look after each others kids, help a neighbour put their bins out. I suspect they did it out of kindness because u were out, climbing over the fence is a little over the top, but I’m guessing that they were not going to let a fence stop them from saving your laundry. You probably came across as very stuck up and ungrateful. You may want to do a reset, apologise if you appeared ungrateful and explain that you were just alarmed to see the laundry gone and her husband climbing over your fence on your CCTV (that should stop any further encroachments).

You probably came across as very stuck up and ungrateful.

Why? OP went round with chocolates to thank them and said politely no need to do it again.

There is nothing remotely stuck up or rude about doing that and in fact, her laundry stunk of smoke which is gross so they are the rude and intrusive ones here

Actually this is trespassing and you have children so I would out in a police complaint as a record. If it happens again there is a file note. Very odd behaviour.

yes you are

...invade their garden.....yup really neighbourly

@SadSandwichlog it with police? jesus wept, no wonder the police are stretched to their limits.

I agree the neighbour likely felt offended, but fcs, to go over to OP's door and have a go? That's unhinged.

Why are people so odd. Trespass? Seriously? Do you never pur the neighbours' bins back for them if you're doing your own? Or take back a rogue sock if its blown into your garden? They were hardly having a party in her garden! They tried to do a kind thing and OP responded politely. I probably would have left the rinsing out till later so as not to offend but I am very socially anxious and appreciate that's just me. Smoke on clothes is awful though- I get donated towels at my charity that are clearly freshly washed but have to go straight in the wash when we get them if theyve come from smokers. I could never dry a clean dog with one of them! I'd pack up the washing for a couple of my neighbours in the rain but not others I don't know so well and not if it was heavily underwear based!

Jesus wept?
Haven't seen that comment enough on MN. 🙄

Well now you know they are over steppers! Anti-vandal paint on the top of the fence and sniper tower needed. The fact they said anything when you re-washed the clothes tells you all you need to know.

This was standard when I was growing up. It might be a generational thing, I'm 68, so my parents grew up during ww2 and were strongly community-minded. But neighbours would bring in eachother's washing if it started raining and the neighbour was out.

I could just about understand it if you were friends and they had easy access to your garden. But people you don't know climbing over the fence using ladders and taking your washing away. That's creepy and weird not being neighbourly.

When I was growing up my family were very close with one our neighbours. We had a gate in the fence between us and one set (they were of my grandparents generation). I remember once when my brother was newborn, it poured with rain, while my mother was walking back from the town with my brother in the huge pram, me on a seat across the top and the shopping underneath. She was upset because she had put a load of nappies on the line.
When we got home the neighbour had taken the nappies down, folded them in the basket and put them as sheltered as she could by the back door - this meant that only the top couple needed to be hung on the clothes horse the rest went straight in the airing cupboard. My mother was incredibly grateful.

Now, my neighbours and I will alert each other if we spot rain and it’s much appreciated.

And yes I hang washing out all year round if it’s not raining. Even in the winter it reduces the time on an indoor airer. I only use the drier (combined machine) if absolutely necessary or for “technical” clothing that needs the heat to set the wash in treatment.

@Mumwithagreenhouse if you are going to be snarky at least get the name of the designation correct. You live in a National Landscape not an AONB. They haven’t been called that since 2023.

Yeah they’ll now be expecting to you fed their cat next when they go away on holiday. But don’t worry it’s only 10mins a day.

This used to be quite common in the days before tumble driers and accurate weather forecasts.

I remember doing this in the 1980s when living in married quarters. But only for neighbours I knew really well 😎

Yep I’d hate that. A different situation I know but I do part time gardening for communal area in blocks of flats. A few of the blocks have shared washing lines. Sometimes I have to touch the washing. I hate it and feel really rude. The washing lines are on the lawns I’ve got to mow and strim round the bases. I go and get a pair of blue gloves from the van and kind of fold it on top of the line as obviously I don’t want to get grease, or grass clippings on it or have it caught up in the mower. Once or twice I’ve had to take large sheets off to do my job and then put them back. It’s such a rude thing to do to touch peoples washing without consent.

I know it’s not the same but my MIL would do this all the time - she would visit our home (we lived 3 streets over) and she would take my dirty laundry hamper without asking and bring back next day with all clothes washed and ironed. DH’s boxers and my undies would also be ironed! I was so shocked first time I never said anything. I didn’t know about mumsnet then so asked my mum AIBU and her response was I’m selfish and ungrateful and MIL is so lovely. I’ve been married for 16 years this year and due to all my mother in laws other “lovely” things I’ve completely stopped talking to her. It’s been like a million cuts over past 16 years for me to say I’ve had enough. It’s so difficult telling people the reasons! I tried once and I felt ungrateful saying the things she’s done but it’s never been any boundaries with this woman. Any attempt on me to make boundaries has resulted in her crying. She once started slapping herself when I asked her to knock on door instead of walking in with the spare key! Can you imagine never being able to relax in your own home as your MIL would just appear out of no where. She was so light in her walking I would never hear her and she would just appear

It's better to focus on what you want, not what you don't want

eg "next time, please just leave it on the line" lands better than "please don't bring in my washing"

It was weird they did this. Print off this thread and stick it through their letter box

I know lots of people who hang their washing out ! It smells so good . In nice weather I have been known to washing my bedding , hang it on the line and put it straight back on the bed to get even more of that lovely outdoor smell.
But I do not break into the neighbours gardens to bring their washing in, no !

To answer a few questions we think their in their early 60s, we don’t know them well unlike the neighbours that are adjacent to us who we do know well and talk to, go round for cups of tea, BBQs, there’s no back story with the neighbour who took the washing in. They live opposite us at the back not next door.

I had to put the washing out at around 6.00am rained about 7am we didn’t get in until 6.30pm ish. Pulled up within 5 mins of each other unloading the car, getting the kids sorted and then went out to get the washing in to find empty of clothes and pegs.

Yes we do take our things to dry cleaners not too fussed by that and it’s normally suits and dry clean only dresses not everyday underwear and the stuff on the line. No I do not use laundry services on holiday if there is one. We usually just liquid soap wash undies and hang to dry whilst out exploring. Then wash everything and dry when we get home.

We had to wash them, we don’t like the smell of smoke on our clothes, it had been sat in our basket and one of theirs a wicker type thing which smelled of smoke (there was two loads of laundry clothes and bedding wanted to take full advantage of the sun) for over 11 hours in their conservatory where they normally smoke. We took another empty basket round and unloaded the other pile and walked back round carrying our washing. If we’re in the kids rooms and look down into our garden they’re usually sat in there smoking.

Not people pleasing we just don’t want any issues, we love where we live and the kids do too. Think we’ve watched too many of these nightmare neighbour programmes plus no need to be funny with them they did a kind thing not knowing our preference now they do. To the poster who said do we have manners? Of course we do…we said thank you and took them a box of chocolates.

We didn’t think about them thinking we think they are dirty and certainly didn’t want it to come across that way, we just wanted to get the smell out, dry and put away. There’s no way in this weather the dryer was going on.

We washed some more this morning kids uniforms etc ready for Mon, they were in the garden. The woman said don’t worry we won’t be taking anything in today. We just gently laughed it off and carried on what we were doing. The man said leave it Eileen (made up name). So hopefully that’s the end of it. We’ve got a street BBQ next door tonight to watch the game which they are coming to so hopefully things will be fine.