AIBU to feel I carry more of the household mental load?

[Hello63]

Hi wise people,

Another thread about sharing household mental load!

So, I'm 35F, DP is 30F.

The only time we argue is when I complain about how we split things at home, and I can't tell if AIBU or if what I'm feeling is actually a thing.

We both work full-time (my job is more demanding on average). We have one DC. We have a cleaner once a week who does the bigger cleaning jobs, and day-to-day tidying up is pretty much 50/50. School runs are shared too.

I feel like I end up carrying a lot of the keeping the house running stuff.
I'm always up first with our kid because my DP likes to sleep in a bit longer. I do all the grocery/toileteries/household shopping, meal planning, keeping track of what we're running out of. I cook dinner every night, lunches 70%, cleaning up afterwards, all laundry, etc.
I also do all the holiday planning (booking things, but remembering when stuff needs to be booked, looking at dates, figuring out logistics, packing....)

DP isn't sitting around doing nothing. She handles insurances, utility stuff, DC hygiene/bath, bedtime routine 70%, repair people when things break.

Most DC-related stuff (school communication, playdates,....) is 50/50.

So this isn't one of those posts where I'm doing 95% and DP doing 5%.
What gets to me is that I feel like I'm the default person for noticing things.
Noticing we're low on milk, out of dishwasher tablets, towels need to be changed, thinking about what everyone's eating this week. In short making sure we actually have everything we need before it becomes a problem.

And honestly, that's the bit that feels relentless 😞

DP would probably say she does loads too, and she'd be right. I know she contributes. That's what makes this hard to talk about.
The other thing is that this isn't exactly new. Every now and then I bring it up, usually because I'm feeling overwhelmed or resentful. Sometimes I see an improvement for a day or two, but it never really lasts.
So I guess I'm wondering whether anyone else has been in this position.
AIBU?
And if this is a mental load issue, how do you actually get your partner to see it without it turning into another pointless conversation?

I think this whole Lou Beckett mental loads actually a load of shit.

Super helpful 👌
You could at least elaborate

Super helpful 👌
You could at least elaborate

I hear you op. I carry most of the mental load too and it is exhausting

Of course it’s real - the mental load. The person who keeps things in mind and feels they have to be vigilant or things won’t get done. It does wear people down.

all you can do is to keep discussing it and figuring out together what might help.

Sounds like the only thing you do that she doesn’t is notice you need shopping and maybe more cooking? But then she doesn’t some other tasks that you don’t. I can’t see why it’s exhausting when it’s generally very equally split, certainly not with arguing about.

Sounds like you don’t carry the mental load.

actually you probably are doing 95% of the mental load. How often does anyone need to deal with insurance utilities and repairs ? So all she does really is most bath times