School holiday childcare

[Summerkidswap]

A family member wants us to help look after their DC during school holidays from next year onwards. Its been 'suggested' that we all arrange our annual leave around each other so that one adult is always available to have the DC. They will look after our DC when its their turn to be off.

We live nearly 2 hours apart and work all sorts of different shifts. DH and I have always managed between ourselves, never depended on outside help because its never been an option other than the odd few hours here and there in emergencies.

Family member needs 'a village' just to get through the average week. I suspect that 'village' have told them to find other arrangements for the 7 week summer holidays and this is what they've come up with. Nobody is a single parent in this scenario. Just two couples with very different approaches to parenting and organising life.

Would we be unreasonable to say no to this suggestion? Its of no benefit to us, not even sure it would be logistically possible. It also implies that we can't go away on holiday as a family unless we take their DC with us.

I think a reply along the lines of ‘thanks for the offer but our plans are very fluid and you shouldn’t rely on us to help you’ is absolutely fine

It is ok them suggesting it and it’s perfectly fine to say no! It’s not a good plan for you if you’ve got things covered, cannot go on holiday properly, will probably have to have more plans and activities (and spend more money) and won’t be able to be as flexible. Plus they live too far away.

“We would be happy to have A for a day or two over the holidays, and B would like to spend time with his cousin (I’m assuming it’s a cousin) over the holidays for a day or two too (that’s assuming that’s true…). However, your plan to cover the whole holidays between us doesn’t work for us. We prefer the flexibility of our existing plans. Sorry.”

That's a brilliant idea if it suited! But if it doesn't suit just say that. The two hours away is the bizarre bit.

"Thank you for the offer. but we have alternative arrangements that work well."

Just say no, it doesn’t work for you and you’ve managed the holidays so far.

Yes its the distance between us that would make it difficult, but I don't think they see it as an issue because the people they use for help on a regular basis live a similar distance. They spend a lot of time going back and forth along a motorway, but that won't suit us. I don't even drive!

😂 I’d be laughing all the way home. How can two parents not manage holiday childcare between them? Dh and I have never had any family help. Dh is also self employed, so no ‘annual leave’ as such. We do 2-3 days a week of holiday club and then between us take off 1-2 days each a week. I have always had too much leave left at the end of the year and that’s even with a solo holiday of my own every year. Holiday club costs £30 a day. Two working people together make well over £30 a day. It’s very manageable. No way would I be driving 4 hours round trip to sort someone’s kids out for them during the holidays, especially when you have complicated shift patterns. They need to pay for childcare and share the load between them.

Oh I'd absolutely hate an arrangement like this. In school holidays I love to take my dcs out on day trips , we have Merlin passes and a zoo pass and I couldn't plan to take an additional dcs (it would mess up our queuing for one thing as one dc has a ride access pass). Plus my dcs quite enjoy the summer camps they go to when I'm working, they'd much rather spend a week doing musical theatre than being stuck at a relative's home who they barely know (and it doesn't sound like they'd be up for taking the dcs on fun trips out).

Just say no!

It’s totally fine to say no. I wouldn’t be spending driving 2 hours each day to help someone else’s childcare - I’m too busy organising me and my kids. I also don’t want to plan my time off work around someone else’s plans. It’s not selfish to say no to something that will make your life more complicated than you’d like it to be.

Oh I plan to, don't worry. I just wanted a sense check that I wasn't being unfairly selfish in this scenario.

Odd question op, just don't do it

How are they only making plans now? When I needed holiday care I’d have it pretty much booked and sorted for the summer before the end of the Easter holidays to make sure it was all planned and I didn’t end up stuck. Glad to see you’re saying no OP, it doesn’t sound like this is feasible even if you wanted to do it.

They aren’t unreasonable to ask, you aren’t unreasonable to say no

This is for next year. Their DC is still in nursery currently. Starts school this September so next year's summer holidays will be their first. So they are planning in advance, but they need to work something else out that doesn't involve the DC spending half their holidays commuting.

I wouldn’t say yes either

You could end up having to do it until their child leaves primary and even worse- they could have more kids and increase their desire for help. Have they considered half terms, Easter, Christmas etc?

A day or two of each family hosting the other -fine f the kids get along.