Some cautiously good news about my husband's care

[AutismPosts]

He is finally in the system!

It only took him phoning 111 to say he was suicidal and then me phoning the crisis team every couple of hours about it and being a bit of an arse.

In the last 3 days days we have had someone from the community team in every day. We have someone coming tomorrow and the next day. I'm a bit confused about their roles but they are seeing him and they are recognising the issues with his medication and dealing with them. They are chasing the mdt and Dr's. He has seen professionals more times in the last 3 days than he has since he has left hospital.

I have even been given the details of various carers groups and a fancy leaflet about services for me and my daughter and details of section 117 (I had asked before but had no real response).

Unfortunately he has got worse. He is willing to speak with them and is showing signs of engagement but is currently unable/unwilling to do their suggestions. If they'd done this even 2 weeks ago he would have been doing whatever they asked.

But I'm feeling so, so relieved. It's not just me getting nowhere now.

I know he can go backwards. I know his suicidal thoughts should not be made smaller although I dont think he has any intentions. I know he is starting to get a little bit manic but I feel like someone is listening finally. I am keeping my fingers crossed that now he is on their books we can pull him back.

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement. Please keep your fingers crossed this will help.

I do see your point. Although, it's not really about her DH "selfishly grabbing attention with threats to kill himself". My dad wasn't doing it selfishly either, he was very very ill. It doesn't change the impact though.

I also don't think the OP should end her marriage on the say so of internet strangers, but I don't think it's terrible to make it an option as some posters have.

Guilt-tripping with phrases like "Do you ditch everyone who has a mental health crisis?" is not the right move either. If the OP does come to the point where she feels that she can't stay in the marriage for her sake or for her daughter's, then she should not be made to feel guilty or like she's ditching anyone.

@Goblinmusic would you be willing to share a bit more about your experience and the impact it has had? The immediate impact and long term effect this will have on my daughter is worrying me (and my husband) so much.

I'll be fine. I'll deal with it and unpack it all when I have space but at 15 my daughter doesn't have that ability yet especially as she was really unhappy before this happened. The idea of her posting something like your post is heartbreaking. Maybe I'm naive but I dont think it is inevitable for her to feel like that?

I'm sorry @Middlemarch123 I missed your post. You really are going through ups and downs aren't you? 😪
It was looking positive a couple of weeks ago I think? I really hope he takes a turn for the better really quickly.
It's hard to seperate the person from the illness sonetimes. I'm scared that even when (desperately holding onto it being when and not if) he comes out the other side, I wont ever be able to relax again. If he has a bad day at work or a couple of bad nights sleep will I go straight to being worried everything is starting again? Is that life now?

@AutismPosts
It’s one step forward and two steps back some days. I’ve stopped thinking that a good day, when he goes out with friends and enjoys doing fun stuff is the start of getting better, because he dips again and we’re back at square one.

totally get how you feel, because I’m the same. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care so much, would make it easier I’m sure. Sending hugs x

It's not inevitable at all. I didn't mean to imply that.

There are some similarities to our stories. I was 15 (but with younger siblings), my dad did suffer with psychosis and depression, and was sectioned for a few weeks. My mum was also incredible, just as you are being, but teenagers always know more than you think.

There was one incident where my dad left the house in a manic state. My mum had hidden his car keys because he wasn't safe to drive and he was furious with her. My mum called the police and they eventually found him and brought him home. He did try to commit suicide that time. I know that, but I don't think my mum knows that I know.

There are many other examples of him doing frightening things, like insisting there were various animals loose in the house, blacking out the windows with printer paper and tape because he thought he was being watched, episodes of forgetting he'd had children and being scared of us, crying and begging the angels to take him away. All scary stuff and, I think, more extreme than anything your daughter has witnessed.

He died about a year into his illness, from an unrelated health problem, so that is a major difference. I went a bit off the rails afterwards and was a school-refuser for the entirety of year 11 and didn't do any GCSe's. I was under cahms for counselling but they were extremely useless. Eventually, I sorted myself out and got a job, went to college and got my English and maths GCSEs. Happy and healthy adult now, with no lasting mental health problems!

I had hoped that things were improving for you as I hadn't seen any new posts from you. Sadly I see this isn't so.
I can only say that I hope things permanently improve for all of you. You have done so well.

That sounds awful. I am sorry you and your family experienced that. It must have been so scary. You are incredibly strong to have acheived everything you did. I can understand why you are concerned about my daughter.

I'd taken her to a hotel before the psychosis peaked at home and the ambulance were back and forth so she missed that. She was asleep in the hotel room when I was calling everyone I could think of. I kept having to sneak off to the fire exit because I didnt want to disturb other guests by talking in the hall. The day after she went straight out with her friends so missed his mania and shouting until I could get him to hospital. She didnt see him again until several weeks later when he was more settled. Then the past couple of weeks she has seen him upset and overwhelmed but he has been hiding in bed for most of the time so she hasn't seen much (although probably more than we think. 😪). He broke down while she was at school and went to the unit before she got home.