Dating again after ten years and worrying I value male attention too much

[QuidsInn]

I took a complete break from dating and relationships for the last 10 years, no dates, no kissing, no romantic involvement at all. It wasn’t easy, but recently I’ve started to feel ready to date again.
What’s confusing me is that now I seem to value male attention too much. Even a small interaction with a man I find slightly attractive can stay on my mind for ages afterwards. It’s making me worry that when I do start dating, I’ll end up attaching myself to the first man who shows me interest, simply because I’ve gone so long without it.
Someone told me I need to “de-centre men” from my life, but I honestly thought that’s exactly what I’d been doing all these years. Instead, it almost feels like the opposite has happened like male attention now feels more significant because it’s been absent for so long.
Has anyone else experienced this after being single for a very long time? Or can anyone relate?

Well, 10 years is a long time to go without any affection from a man. Maybe you need to throw yourself into dating so you get a taste of exactly what is out there but you may be less desperate because you have so many options?
How do you feel about yourself? When I feel good and I’m back to being me, I meet better quality men. I’m in a relationship now with the most amazing man, but I think that’s because I took the time out when I ended my last relationship to get back to being me again. I made sure I looked really good. I’ve been going to the gym. I’ve got new clothes etc. So I had plenty of options, I wasn’t desperate and I knew my worth - I think men can sense that.

My advice to you, go and have a makeover get your hair done get your brows threaded, maybe do some teeth whitening get some new jewellery some new make-up some new outfits and start going to the gym! It really does make all the difference!

I went to an all girls Grammar school. So in my formative teenage years i didn't have much interaction with the opposite sex. And this affected me for many year as an adult - I found it difficult to interact normally on an everyday basis with men. And I was very conscious of, and also wanting to please, almost any man I came in contact with.
It sounds to me as though you are experiencing a similar type of self conscious behaviour. Hopefully this will only be transitory.

Thank you, this is good advice, I spent the last 10 years raising kids so I did let myself go a bit and kind of lost myself never having time for myself or putting myself first (I stayed single because I didn’t want to date when I had young children) so I definitely need to find myself again and get back to the old me!

Yes I can really relate to that, I seem to feel grateful almost (not sure if that’s the right word) for any small interaction which makes me feel a bit sad really!

I think don't overthink this. Its normal to enjoy male attention.
Just be sure you can spot the good ones and don't take any shit.
Know what you want and what you will not put up with, stick to it, and remember your value.

I think it’s past the point of just enjoying male interaction, I seem to be overly thinking about or over analysing small interactions probably more so than what is normal.

Have a look at a little nudge on instagram. She’s a dating coach and has the best advice that actually works for lots of relationships, not just romantic ones. Look for stuff about dating NATO, and through her highlights. It’s really useful

Thank you, I will have a look