Should I stop shared bath time?

[Horselover90]

I’m step mother to 5 year old twins - boy and a girl. They share bath time at ours as well as at their mother’s but the boy keeps touching his sister’s bum like hitting or poking it and he does this when they’re getting dressed or changed too.
teachers have been in touch twice now with their mother saying he’s been showing his privates and bum at school and he also stood on a chair at his grandparents the other day and showed everyone his bum.

I’ve said numerous times to him about not showing his privates and not touching his sister either. I’ve talked about bodies being private, etc as has his mum.

their dad up until I’ve said recently to definitely not do that anymore was always picking them up and pulling their pants down and joking about their frog bottom and laughing, biting it etc. I know that sounds very weird and I always hated it. Do you think that’s had an effect?

and do you think I shouldn’t allow bath time together any more and get them dressed separately?

FFS what was their dad thinking!! Totally unacceptable to pull their pants down like that. How are they supposed to learn about private parts and boundaries when he's set them up to fail so spectacularly. Yes, separate bath times, and back to basics with pantosaurus song etc.

Thanks. They would love it when he did it to be honest and squeal with laughter but I’d cringe and say not to

Their dad needs to stop that immediately. The boy now needs to learn that privates are called privates for a reason (they are not called publics). In order to instil this further, bath times should now be separate.

The alternative is, he’s going to be known as ‘a perv’ in school in a year or two.

I'm sure they did, but plenty of inappropriate things are great fun 😬 and now he's going to get labelled a weirdo unless you can get him to stop. And it's not even his fault, it's his dopey dad's.

Their father's behaviour is disturbingly inappropriate.
And yes, they should have separate baths and be spoken to about no touch areas!
They are probably confused about it because of what their dad is doing.

Sorry but your husband sounds weird. Doesn’t matter that the kids laugh and find it funny, you can’t really teach the kids it’s not appropriate to touch other people’s bums or pull their pants down when they’re father is pulling their underwear down to bite their arses.

Before I got to the bit in your post about your husband, my first instinct was to ask if it’s possible someone has been doing that to him, I’ve worked with children and this behaviour is sometimes a sign of sexual abuse. I get that you husband may not have had any bad intentions but to an outsider, it’s groomer behaviour, conditioning children to see inappropriate behaviour as a game and something funny.

Im not saying that was your husbands intention but now his daughter has her father yanking down her underwear and a brother who keeps poking at her private parts too. It shouldn’t have been allowed to happen multiple times, but yes, seperate bath times.

I think you have bigger issues with your husband, I couldn’t trust his judgement if he’s actually needed this pointing out to him it’s not ok. Id not want him doing bath time alone either.

I will admit I’m biased because my dad did this type of thing to me and it really did blur my boundaries as to what’s ok, my dads mate started playing the same “games” I didn’t know it was something inappropriate until I was older, I wouldn’t leave my own child alone with him and it was that that made me explore why I couldn’t. When I tried to discuss with my dad he went mental that I never told him what his friend was doing, his wife told me I’d put their shared child at risk of abuse by not speaking up and he went even more mental when I’d said “I didn’t say anything because he did the same that you did to me, I didn’t know it wasn’t ok” he was angry I accused him of being a peadophile and his wife said it was harmless because I and my brother would giggle and enjoyed the games.

Yup, your husband’s daft antics have definitely contributed
All boys find bums, willies etc hilarious. Why is he feeding into it?

What a strange thing for your husband to do. Time to put in boundaries for everyone!

I think alot of boys go thru a silly look at my penis stage and calling it privates needs changed to the correct names.
The Dad needs to grow up
I would separate them
Is he giggling and being silly or serious.
Did school support you and guide how to deal with him?

Er if I saw a man behaving like that I'd think he was a paedophile quite frankly. Completely inappropriate and creepy. Obviously it's no surprise that his son is behaving like this.

Yes. Shared everything stops. No baths, no toilet trips, separate bedrooms. You need very firm boundaries. Child on child sexual assault is a big thing and it's your job to protect both of them here.

I'd be highly concerned about your partner's behaviour, and your boys behaviour can also be a sign of SA.
People think these things only happen on TV but they don't, they only ever happen to normal people.