Sister going to court for school absence

[justcuriousaboutit]

I’ve had to go no contact with my sister due to her being an alcoholic and being an absolute nightmare, very argumentative, always drama, police, attacking people in her life etc.

Her son, my nephew, has suspected asd and has missed literally the last 2 years of school. The school haven’t been great in fairness, but my sister also hasn’t acted in his best interests and tried to work with the school/local authority to sort him an education. He took an overdose which was the start of all this absence really.

Anyway, it was easier for my sister to let him stay home because being brutally honest, she would lye in bed all day sleeping and drink all night. She also drinks in the morning too. She has been offered help from the gp, but then she didn’t self refer to the local drug and alcohol support team, she admitted to the gp she had a problem but then told me she only did that as she didn’t want to get to a point where she can’t drink again… She also takes cocaine most weekends.
Nephew got a job, working more hours than legally allowed, and when the school absence officer found this out this was when they escalated it to court.
I think they’ve missed about 3 assessments for diagnosis too.

I love my sister and I am worried about what’s going to happen in court, does anyone have any idea ? Will she also be made to address her drink problem ?

Well what a mess.

How old is your nephew?

To he honest as he's obviously at legal school age she's likely to be given a fine but hopefully it will also trigger some better support for the child.

He’s 16, last year of school

He's only got a couple of months left of being school age so it seems entirely pointless to take her to court now - social services should have been involved 2 years ago.

Poor kid, absolutely let down by everyone.

They have been involved, for the last 3 years on and off, sister says they didn’t help her him back into school. They also are aware of the drinking problem.

Sounds like your sister hasn’t take any accountability at all, she says the school hasn’t helped her, but has she actually engaged with them?

Your poor nephew. Sounds like she’s been v neglectful.

Not meaning to sound flippant but suggest this is not unusual in terms of who ends up in court, they’ll always be a reason like this.

as above it seems unlikely at this stage of his schooling.

unfortunately I doubt this will be the thing that helps her and the help generally will slip away now he’s older.

alcoholism is a terrible terrible disease

I really wanted this to be a wake up call, but she is all innocent and a victim, as usual. Best mother out there, yes I agree she has been neglectful. I’ve tried to help many times, drafted emails to the local authorities send department, enormous amount of information about EBSA and ehcps, she’s done nothing with it. Offered nephew to come and stay with me, she took this very badly. That’s why I’ve had to cut contact as I was being used as an emotional punchbag, only got in touch to rant and then turn on me.

She’ll probably get fined but I can’t imagine much else will happen now he’s 16.

Nobody can make her address her drinking. Alcoholics have to admit that they are alcoholics and there have to want to change their lives. This usually only happens when they reach rock bottom which from what you say, she hasn’t. (I won’t describe what it looks like here). So basically there is nothing you can do for her. The mantra is:
You didn’t cause it
You can’t control it
You can’t cure it.

I feel sorry for you nephew.

Nothing really just be a fine as hes sixteen. Feel sorry for your nephew must be tough having a mum who loves drinking and drugs over their own son. awful.

Well done to your nephew for getting himself a job though. Are you in touch with his at all?
I'd focus on him, maybe you can offer again that he can stay with you?
Sounds like he is motivated to work so maybe you could persuade him to try college part time to get his maths & English GCSEs.

Poor kid needs someone or something to help him get on the right tracks. It’s possible that this court intervention could be it, but it doesn’t sound like it, given his age. Maybe , if you are up for the challenge (taking on a neglected teenage boy with possible ASD is not going to be easy) you could make your willingness to have him live with you known directly to SS?
Who else is in the picture? Somebody must be funding your sister’s alcohol and cocaine habits, because if she sleeps all day and drinks all night, she can’t be working.

Could you ask your nephew if he wants to come and live with you? Rather than via your sister

Surely you would have been getting your nephew help to get away from her, daily phone calls to SS at least!

In amongst all this it's good that nephew has got a job. That shows he's capable and wants to make something of his life.

Surely he could enrol on a part time course related to the sector he's working in and then that could be towards his career? I think he'd be better off not living with your sister though.

Sadly your sister wont’t get help until she is ready and really wants to.

The court case is of her making so she has to deal with it. When your sister is ready for help be there for her if you can.

For now focus on your nephew, let him know again he is welcome to stay with you and you will he available for any help he needs.

sentencibg depends on what she is being prosecuted for.
if it’s a section 4441 offence then the maximum penalty is 1K plus victim surcharge, criminal record.
if it’s a section 4441a then this carries a maximum financial penalty of 2.5K and 3 months imprisonment.