Would you be annoyed if guests chose another party first?

[AMumWithWiFi]

I invited a friend and her two children to DS’s birthday party at our house and she RSVP’d yes. She even double-checked the date and time with me beforehand.

She’s now told me they’ve also accepted another party invite on the same day, which starts half an hour before ours. She said they’ll still come to ours but will “quickly pop over” to the other one first.

The thing is, DS’s party is small, with only five children invited. So if they are late (or don’t make it at all), it will make quite a difference to the atmosphere. And realistically if the other party starts first, it feels quite likely they’ll get caught up there.

Would you feel annoyed about this, or am I overthinking it? And would this make you rethink the friendship at all, or just chalk it up to busy kids’ party chaos and let it go?

Adopt theatre rules. Flash your hallway light 5 minutes before the party starts and then close the front door. If they do turn up only let them in at a suitable point so as not to disturb other guests.

I would tell her to go to the first party if thats her preference but as I don't want to be messed around I am going to invite someone else in her children's place.

If they are genuinely "quickly popping over" to the other party such that they would only be slightly late for yours, I think this is ok. it really won't make a huge difference to the atmosphere (the children will either be hyper or very shy depending on age and personality). it's not as though they've said they now won't come to yours at all (having previously accepted).

Do you know whose the other party is? If it's a family member, they may well feel obliged to at least pop in for a short time. if it's a school friend, can you consider chatting to the other parent to both tweak your party times slightly?

how old is birthday child? Are these dc their actual friends or just yours?

The problem is that DS is close friends with one of her children and is really excited he’s coming to his party. I’m worried DS will be disappointed if he doesn’t turn up.

”No. That doesn’t work for us because ….(as you’ve explained above)” If you truly believe it will be disruptive - tell her.

If you can, invite another friend or two just in case. Your DS may be upset if he doesn’t come but he should be having a good enough time for it not to matter. If the friend was sick the morning of the party for example, you’d still go ahead.

Then say that to the child's parent! Could you let me know what time you'll be arriving because DS is very excited to have Josh there and will be waiting for him? If you think you might not make it after all, could you please let me know so that I can tell DS in advance?

(How old is your DS?)

DS is turning 6 and is close friends with one of my friend’s children as they’re playing a sport together.

I think this is a really common thing, I’ve been to lots of parties where someone is arriving late or leaving early for another party, especially if it’s siblings and they each have a friends party on that day.

😄

The party is this weekend so I think it’s too late to invite someone else without making them feel like second choice. Friend has known about it and rsvp’d 6 weeks ago, but only mentioned this new party invite today.

Goodness, just relax! It’s a kid’s birthday. If you relax, your son will too…. The party is at your house, so it’s not like you have bought tickets or there is some kind of paired activity that this screws up. It’s a little get together of six year olds….

I hope your son has a great time. You can lead by example!

I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill, sorry! She has accepted your invitation and she is still coming. If she arrives just before the party finishes, that’s not great, but your DS will still be happy he saw his friend. If she’s 15 minutes late, no difference whatsover.
your DS will be sad if you uninvite her, I think it’s in his best interest to be relaxed about it

This would annoy me, would feel it sounds like they’ve had a better offer. Hard as your child wants them to come so I’d swallow my pride and ask them to be there by a certain time.

I don't think you can dictate what an invitee does before they come to your child's party!

Ultimately, they've accepted the invitation, so you just need to trust that they're coming. Yes, it's pretty shitty if they're a no-show, but that's a bad reflection on them and nothing to do with this other party. If they're flaky, they'll be flaky, regardless of whether they have another party to go to or not!

I think I’d send something like “Thanks, so do you think you’ll be able to make the start of DS’s party? just asking so I can manage DS’s expectations as he’s very excited <friend> is coming!”

I think you need to make it clear that it will affect your child if they turn up half way through.

I can’t see them going to a different party for just 30 minutes. I am guessing they will be planning to do half the other party and half yours. Which personally I think is rude (IMO you stick with the first accepted invitation) but times seem to have changed.

Agreed that this would be rude.
but I can see myself committing to a party and getting this other invitation, and then saying to the second person who invited me that I would just pop over to drop off a present and give the bday child a hug - so staying for 15 minutes.

If they’re planning only to briefly go to the other party, then come to yours for the majority of the party, then that’s fine. From your title, I’d assumed that they’d accepted your invite, then decided that the other party took priority, despite being invited to it afterwards.

But if that was the plan why mention it at all? It felt like she was warning me that they’d likely be late and hoped I’d say not to worry about it.

Yes, that's exactly what she's doing. She's prewarning you that they will (or might) be late. Being slightly late for a 6 year old's party is not a big deal. Your response is "thanks for letting me know".

I agree that if they’re only going to other one for 15 min there would be no need to mention it to you.

I disagree that being late to a 6 year old’s birthday party isn’t a big deal. It would be rude to be late to an adult’s birthday party, if it’s one with only 6 people. Not sure why it’s different for kids.