Should I mention a friend’s persistent body odour or stay quiet?

[ItsStillWork]

My friend absolutely stinks of BO to the point that once she’s moved from a certain area the smell of BO still very strongly lingers.

she has loads of friends, loads of family contact yet it doesn’t appear that anyone has said anything to her.

we’ve only been in touch a few years after losing touch for 20 years (she never smelt before) and I noticed the smell straightaway. I thought at first it was just a one off, but everytime I see her (every 6 months or so) she’s really pungent.

it’s putting me off meeting up with her, but I want to meet her as I enjoy her company etc.

i don’t know whether to say anything to her, I’m not the most tactful person so I’m putting off saying anything.

Ooh, a difficult one, I sympathise with both sides.

Is she peri or menopausal? Maybe that's why she's becoming more BO-y.

I can relate to the terrible BO, having had stinky pits since puberty. Luckily mind's always quite well controlled, as long as I use something strong like Mitchum or Sure. Plus, washing pits daily with a bar of soap and scrubbing with a flannel helps.

Oh, and wearing natural material (cotton) rather than synthetic like nylon or polyester is the best thing too. If she is wearing tight clothes under her arms made out of synthetic materials, her BO will get smelly quicker. Sleeveless tops are great too.

I would be inclined to say something gently and in a kind way. She will appreciate it more coming from a friend who cares, rather than anyone who says something rudely.

I remember the embarrassing time I had in art class at school in the sixth form, I had awful BO and nobody knew it was me, but someone on my table kept making comments about how the smell was making them feel sick 😫 😳 I felt very mortified!

Ooh, a difficult one, I sympathise with both sides.

Is she peri or menopausal? Maybe that's why she's becoming more BO-y.

I can relate to the terrible BO, having had stinky pits since puberty. Luckily mind's always quite well controlled, as long as I use something strong like Mitchum or Sure. Plus, washing pits daily with a bar of soap and scrubbing with a flannel helps.

Oh, and wearing natural material (cotton) rather than synthetic like nylon or polyester is the best thing too. If she is wearing tight clothes under her arms made out of synthetic materials, her BO will get smelly quicker. Sleeveless tops are great too.

I would be inclined to say something gently and in a kind way. She will appreciate it more coming from a friend who cares, rather than anyone who says something rudely.

I remember the embarrassing time I had in art class at school in the sixth form, I had awful BO and nobody knew it was me, but someone on my table kept making comments about how the smell was making them feel sick 😫 😳 I felt very mortified!

Sorry for the double reply 😅 😬

She’s not quite 40.

cotton clothing from what I can see, doesn’t wear any skin tight clothing.

im just surprised her mum hasn’t said anything as she’s very blunt!

If I smelt I’d hope my friends would tell me!!!!

if she’s doing everything she can, she needs to get to the GP

It's a kind of thing everyone's too frightened to tell her

You would be doing her a kindness if you did

But I don't think I'll be able to do it. I'll probably just end up not seeing them.

One friend of mine had to do it for a bloke and he genuinely didn't know and his wife actually thanked my friend for saying it!

She's your friend! That's what friends are for.. don't have to make a big deal over it.

I've stopped wearing deo for health reasons. I don't think I smell and my DH assures me I don't. I do have to shower immediately after any exercise.

Anyway, if I did smell I'd be grateful you told me.

I have this problem with a friend who has an awful smell from her mouth like her teeth are rotting. She like your friend has a lot of friends, family, married with DC, works FT. I can’t understand why no one has mentioned it to her and told her to see a dentist. She’s a very old friend but because e don’t see each other that often I don’t feel it’s my place to say. But yes I’m avoiding seeing her tbh and making excuses when she asks to meet up…

‘Hi Sandra, are you ok? I’m asking because I noticed that the last couple of times we met you’ve had body odour, and you never have before’.

What makes you think she doesn’t know?

As you only see her twice a year and her closer friends appear ok with it I wouldn't say anything.

I would want to be told if I had BO and I hadn't realised. I think I would prefer a text than a face to face conversation. I wouldn't feel ambushed and it wouldn't spoil whatever we had planned to do. Texting would also give you the opportunity of working out exactly what you want to say which doesn't always go to plan face to face.

She is not a close friend so I wouldn't say anything. Leave that to someone who sees her every day.

There's a possibility that she is aware of it and it is a new problem. It will be hard to say something without upsetting her. Also, you have said you are not very tactful at times so it is best to leave it.

This needs to be said by someone who is a master of tact!

I would be really surprised if she didn’t know . How can she not know . Very sad if people don’t feel able to gently say .

Next time you meet with her take some deodorant spray in your bag and ask her if she'd like to borrow it

I would make it a ‘medical concern’ conversation- eg. You read an article that a significant change in smell can indicate a medical issue - you personally have a strong sense of smell, out of concern, she should get it checked out etc

You don’t understand why no one has mentioned it to her but equally you don’t feel it’s your place to say…. Maybe others think the same as you

No, I assure you she will already know. I’ve suffered with hyperhydrosis for years and have found it really unmanageable until the last few years. I would be mortified if people pointed out my odour as I’m very aware and doing my best to maintain. You could instead perhaps drop little hints such as oh I’ve heard a lot about this product it’s supposed to stop sweat and smell and everyone seems to be using it at the minute etc. what I found works the best is driclor found it in boots, it’s the only thing that stops the sweat for me. She may be looking into options herself but hasn’t found anything that works.

Yes I was going to say this. I use the overnight deodorants like perspirex and triple dry. Perhaps you could mention that you’d been using them and they worked well? But if that doesn’t work I guess there’s not much you can do. Especially if you only see her twice a year.

Yes. I’d want to be told so I could do something about it. Really don’t understand not saying something

I've had this issue with my relative but I just couldn't say anything. It wasn't just armpit smell it was a whole body smell like they hadn't bathed in a long time and it was so strong I started getting angry at them for subjecting me to it ! Thankfully recently it has stopped. Maybe someone said something to them

I don't really use deodorant showering is enough for me

Absolutely do tell her, in a kind way.
Say you find it rather awkward to ask, but that she has a strong BO and if it's maybe medical?
I had to do this twice...one was a lodger, the whole house stank of his BO and I can still recall the smell. He wasn't even mortified, just said that in his home country they don't shower every day.
The other was a colleague. His smell brought tears in my eyes, it was so pungent. He never changed clothes either, it was horrendous.
Took me months to say something. He wasn't aware. Was OK for a couple of weeks before be returned to stinking

Tell her anonymously.

Could it be her clothes?