Did having a last child feel right despite some doubts?

[DoneorRegret]

If you weren’t sure about a last child but had one more did it work out ok? I keep seeing that people say you never a regret a child you have but could regret not having one ?

I don’t want to look back and feel regret but I don’t feel 100% about one more. I’d say I’m 95% but then little doubts creep in for example if I’m tired I think ‘oh how would I cope going back to less sleep?’ Or I go out and have fun I’ll think ‘I wouldn’t be able to do this for a while again’ and much of these are probably normal thoughts but it feels heavy.

Maybe this is a similar thing to when someone has an unplanned pregnancy and struggles to decide what to do but goes ahead - does it all just work out ok ?

Will I regret it more if I don’t than if I do ?

Some people do regret having another child but it probably isn’t something they like to admit to

I think the biggest regret I have is having to split time. I've only got two but immediately felt the effects of having half the time I did with dc1.

I think this is what worries me is that only the ones who were unsure and went ahead and then were ok talk about it ? Are there people secretly really regretting it but feeling too ashamed to admit that ? I don’t want to do the wrong thing

How many DC do you currently have?

Another factor if I’m honest is that I managed to lose a lot of weight and started exercising and I’m anxious about undoing all that which is probably very shallow. I just feel like me again and actually didn’t think I’d ever manage to lose so much

2 and we always planned for 3. But suddenly now we’ve got to when we were meant to start trying I feel so anxious

I had one, really didn’t want another (PND and v difficult pregnancy) but my husband put forward a good argument and I was persuaded that I might regret not having one and how beneficial it would be for our other child blah blah. I was not 100%! (More like 15%)
Anyway, a tale as old as time but I am extremely pleased to have gone for it as DD is incredible and a wonderful person and I feel like she was meant to be alive and brighten everyone’s lives in the way she does. Although I would’ve also been happy with one, if that makes sense.

I saw something the other day on an IG post someone saying they were equally scared to have another and scared not to. That’s sort of how I feel ? Some days I’ll be fine then if I’m tired I think oh I cannot feel more tired ! Or if I have fun or enjoy something I think oh no I won’t have this, or if I have a drink I feel sad I’d not be able to just spontaneously have some wine if I fancied it if I was pregnant. Then the weight I’ve loved shopping for new stuff I feel so happy and the thought of being massive again is too much (I get huge when pregnant) but then I do have moments of wanting another child

We have four and I adore them and it does make me sad thinking that I wish we’d stopped at two, because they’re amazing and they’re here now and they are doing so well in their lives.

however, I do feel pangs sometimes when looking at families of four. The world is better designed for families of four and kids are so, so expensive. Teenagers, too, are incredibly hard work. 4 young children is nothing in comparison to four teens and preteens.

It’s not shallow at all OP, you’re allowed to put yourself first sometimes too you know! My last baby is 5mo now and I’m still not over the relief of being able to move without pain and restriction again - it’s not shallow to not relish the prospect of giving up your whole self, body and identity all over again.
I do think if you’re 95% sure then it’s probably worth going for another. If you were 50/50 I’d say different but it sounds like you do actually want one more and are just having some totally normal little niggles and reservations. I don’t think anyone, even if they really want another child, wholeheartedly relishes the prospect of absolutely every aspect - I dreaded pregnancy every time and tbh found some of my newborns frankly quite boring 😅
but in the long term it’s worth it for the joy of another little human in your life.
I think as long as you’re reasonably set on another then the love outweighs the negatives. And I say this as someone whose third child is probably ND and gives me an huge amount of stress and hassle - but I love her to bits and I wouldn’t be without her.

How secure are your finances, could you do it alone if necessary? Have you factored in costs of teens/uni? Childcare? Babysitting, not everyone will want to help out with 3 DC. Holidays? Special needs?

Although I do agree that teens are exhausting in their own way and crippingly expensive - my teen is easy but costs me an absolute fortune in “swag”, my step teen is less expensive but incredibly hard work and causes constant stress and issues. If you value a calm, quiet life I’d advise you to think VERY carefully about any more 😅 unless you currently have one and are thinking of a second in which case I’d still go for it. Any more than 2 and it definitely gets much harder!

This is the thing all of those are not issues at all. We planned for this and finances are good. Big support network. It should be perfect and yet I’m stressing about things I feel are shallow like my sleep and my weight and my freedom and I feel bad for that. I do want a third but I don’t know why I feel more apprehension about a third than I did about my first !

@DoneorRegret what about time for each DC? And what’s wrong with wanting more freedom? You have a life, you are not just mum. How much time would each DC get with you? How much time would you have just for you, how much time as a family, couple?

I have three, they're amazing kids (now late teens / very early 20s) but I have felt regret at times. The first couple of years were so hard. DC3 was a terrible sleeper, by far the worst of the three, and a very wilful determined toddler. The other two were quite compliant so this was all new to me! Then three teens is also difficult at times. I adore them all but I'm not sure I'd make the same decision if I could go back in time.

2-3 is a big jump. New car, possibly new house to accommodate the extra one. Holidays become even more expensive. University costs etc.