Lifting support thread 2

[RayKray]

Just noticed I was the last to post on the lifting support thread as it went to 1k so here's another.

Original thread intro post here from
@Work2live

"Thought I’d start this thread as a few people thought it’d be a good idea.

"It might be a nice place to support each other and talk about lifting in general, ask for tips and advice on workouts, how to get enough protein etc.

"All levels very much welcome, from complete newbies to those who’ve been weightlifting for years! 💪🏼"

I had a chocolate croissant, a slice of chocolate cake and a blonde brownie today and I loved them all.

I'm not giving up on the gym, no way, it is my number one prevention tool for the worst of my ADHD symptoms (i.e. losing hours and hours of time to daydreaming). No stupid cut is going to ruin that for me.

I will at some point soon do a review of it i.e. my training to date. I have quite a complicated view of it at the moment as my trainer was offering a lot of support by whatsapp, the last exchange was just her asking how I was on a Sunday and I replied that I was not able to think about training in depth at the moment as I have a lot on at work. She then just said no worries and nothing since. I need to write my own evaluation of it, not that she will ever ask me for my feedback, for myself.

I really struggled at the outset with the heavy training plus maintaining focus at work, I got into it and eventually realised I had to set my pace of 5% increases etc. As soon as I had got into it, we then got to the cut, I knew I lost focus at first then adapted, then she cut again, when I had specifically asked her what calories we were doing throughout so I could plan and not obsess. I'm really pissed off about that as I am the client and she ignored what I said I needed. She knows I have ADHD and it was insensitive. She also made a couple of insensitive comments, one of them I think was misspelt but said "get out of my head". Maybe it meant "get out of your head". I want to tell her all this but what is the point? Really? She is quite young and does not get it. She would send me Challenges at 11am on a Monday morning for the week. Like most people have planned their week by then so I ignored them or tried half heartedly, but they got more and more.

The point being, during the initial growth and then the cut phase I lost focus at work and am in now in the process of a performance review as a result.

This all sounds really tough @MistyTrains2 . Sorry to hear about all the issues and hope it goes ok at work. I think one of the things I really value about my coach is I genuinely believe he has my best interests in mind. He may not do everything perfectly, but then relationships with people are tough, but I feel safe with him and that he cares. For me that's a really important part of the coaching relationship.

@MistyTrains2 , I'm really sorry to hear about all that, and hope the work issues can be resolved smoothly. And that you enjoy your gym!

As others said, you are early in the training journey. I think most people on this thread have PTs but that probably isn't representative - I trained with a more experienced gym partner for several years, and did classes, before doing any PT. And made progress on some fronts during the lockdowns with solo/partner training and limited kit (park benches!).

And now my PT is 1:2 (shared with gym partner), and is mainly our weekly session. Occasionally my PT suggests stuff I should practice in the week. I feel completely safe with him (he has to lift me into position sometimes and spot me down) during the sessions and value his input on what I should work on, but would certainly not want him discussing diet or weight with me in any detail (and he isn't qualified to do so), or even being too interested in my training on non-PT days as I like my cali classes, my boxing classes, and the way they fit in with my life including work and family. And I want to enjoy my sessions, even if they aren't the most efficient way to squeeze every last drop of gains out. Now, that's probably one end of the PT spectrum, and everyone needs to find their own happy place (and it is one of the things I love about this thread that there are different approaches and goals - it is so interesting and I learn a lot), but just for perspective. Please ignore if not helpful.

Yes mine doesn't ever discuss weight/diet with me unless I ask. He does have that expertise but its not my focus. I once filled in a research thing about the ways PTs make you feel about your body and it really brought home how he doesn't comment on my body, other than to help me do exercises. My sessions make me feel strong rather than think about how I look. Which the questionnaire made me realise wasn't a universal experience. He is interested in what I do outside of sessions as I have form for doing extra stuff and he's making sure I don't do too much. So as @MsMartini says, different strokes for different folks. It's very much a personal thing.

And I also didn't have a PT at the start and had a great time getting myself strong on my own terms.

@MistyTrains2 how are you doing today? I’m sorry to hear things have been a bit tricky. I hope work goes ok and you can get some peace and equilibrium in your training. Take care.

In the middle of a performance review. It is extremely stressful.

I've asked my parents for some support. As I get through this I need to prioritise my self care. When I started going to the gym it was with a playful attitude and I want that back more than ever.

I'm really confused about why I ran after the idea of the bulk and cut. I think I need to not make rash decisions - and more importantly my trainer did not tell me were bulking, I figured this out entirely from lifting facebook groups. The point is I need to always consider the effect on me in future.

Just read replies thanks. Encouraging to know you started without PTs. That gives me confidence to go alone for a bit. As so often you see people posting where to start and everyone piles on with get a PT! I mean pointers are helpful, but the whole diet/body thing...

My trainer never made me feel conscious, it was more about building the muscle. I only really got intrigued with the aesthetics as we neared the end of the cut. Admittedly I got a little more obsessed then. I also saw a guy a few times near the end of the cut who could squat 240kg. He made derogatory comments about fat people. After that I found myself deleting old photos of myself where I had more weight on. He then ghosted me. So, psychologically all that has been going on.

I can see how body photos and trainer comments could have negative effects, my trainers feedback was very broad in that sense there was so much on energy, wellbeing, not just weight.

But it is more being so controlled over my diet for so long. Bearing in mind I dieted in April and May. That is 5 months spent dieting this year. No wonder my body is pissed off.

I need to get into healthy eating and no intentional dropping. I'm removing the word maintenance from my vocabulary for now.

@MistyTrains2 I’m sorry you’ve got all that going on. That guy sounds like a horror - lucky escape I’d say.

Do you get support at work with your ADHD? I ask because my son has it and I have traits. I certainly get the hyper focus.

In terms of gym and eating it sounds like you need to make the adjustment to viewing it as a lifestyle rather than the bulking/cut which has messed with your head a bit. What do you enjoy about the gym? Maybe focus on that? As you say it helped with your adhd. What about the classes and the running? Just try to get some balance back and stay away from anything extreme. It sounds like getting to know yourself, trusting yourself and staying away from too much numbers analysis will be good for you mentally and physically.

Good luck with it all. Feel free to DM me if you’d like.

Sending you lots of support @MistyTrains2

What works for you and what you need from your workouts/PT is going to be completely individual to you. It sounds like you have now got a clearer idea of what you need/don't need and what does and doesn't help you. That means that, going forward, you can adjust your approach. Don't be afraid to be clear (with yourself and others!) about what you want and need from this whole fitness thing.

You do seem to push yourself very hard, but as so many of us know that can be a double edged sword. Be kind to yourself.

I hope you are doing ok today.

Thanks for the update @MistyTrains2 , and some very wise thoughts from @everycowandagain and @redfacebigdisgrace , really agree.

Just to add - in terms of restoring balance is there something you might enjoy, perhaps a class? I used to do an outdoor bootcamp in a local park which was very good fun and a good workout. I've also really enjoyed Pilates in the past and now boxing. Different people, different methods, different chemistry - for me, it helps keeps perspective and I think in the long run my strength training will benefit. Both the bootcamp and the boxing include lots of conditioning work and core, which I find easy to neglect on my own 😂. As pp have said, where the balance lies is different for everyone.

I think a focus on eating healthily in a broad sense and enjoying your training sounds like a good plan. I hope things at work settle down for you, and am sorry you have had such a rough old time.

@MistyTrains2 just catching up on this thread, sorry you've had that experience. I don't have a PT, and honestly that's because every PT I tried through a gym was awful - often starting with questions about how much weight I wanted to lose (at the time I would have been around 55kg and a size 8). Unfortunately many PTs I met had little insight into what it was like to exercise when it wasn't your full time job, I would hear them say things like 'we've all got the same number of hours in a day' to people I knew were parents to young children and it just made me cringe!
I think the bulk and drastic cut that your trainer put you on sounds very one size fits all, ie most people sign up to a PT because they want to lose weight/look lean quickly, and are likely to quit in 3-6 months. Its the equivalent of what a few years ago would have been advertised as a 12 week bootcamp.

The handful of good PTs I've worked with have been those I've got to know through learning a particular skill (eg calisthenics, jiu jitsu, Olympic lifting) as they've done the PT second - they didn't get into it for asthetics.

I'm not suggesting you spend more on finding another PT, but if you're on Instagram you might like a PT friend of mine for her free content. She has ADHD, trains for fitness/strength but used to be into bodybuilding and all the unhealthy, obsessive intrusive stuff that goes along with that. She does a lot to promote body positivity, she's @ skyelizabethnutrition

@Proteinpud that's so true. The insta of the PTs at my gym make me cringe - all before and after shots of women in their pants. And then I see them training women to do isolation exercises while they check their phones. Shocking about the weight loss query to you, and I so agree about people who have become PTs second - all my good instructors have come at it from a skill/activity they love.

I like esgfitness, molly galbraith, lauren and jason pak on insta for their (all different) balanced approach to fitness.

Yeah I mean I didn't have any particular hang ups about my size, but given how many women are anxious about their bodies I think an opener of 'what do you want to lose' or an even worse one I got - 'what are your problem areas' is downright dangerous.
My job is nothing to do with fitness but I do teach/coach in my profession and understanding learning styles, motivation, boundaries etc is so important and it's something that seems very lacking in the majority of the PT world.
I follow esgfitness but will have a look at your other recommendations, always like to find good influences!

I feel v lucky with my gym and coach. They never put out stuff like that, it's all about things we've achieved. It sometimes does touch on weight if that was what someone was wanting to achieve but in the context of being stronger and fitter, and images are always of us doing stuff not our bodies. I know they do do fat loss stuff as people do sometimes get taken in the room with the scales, and I've heard talk of not losing too quickly. There's talk of nutrition in a fuelling your body way.

But my gym is v expensive. The PTs are all a team, they get continual training and support from the more experienced ones. They're not just people who like gyms trying to make a living out of it in what sounds like awful conditions at many commercial gyms. I just happened upon my coach really, and joined up because he was a powerlifter, and turns out I struck lucky, so no helpful tips. When I was considering moving I looked round at the other powerlifting gyms/coaches I knew other lifters worked with. All of them work with general population too so maybe that is a tip? It's a small world so I don't think you'd get far as a powerlifting coach if you didn't know what you were doing, or just focused on aesthetics. So maybe a coach/PT who also trains powerlifters is a good choice for anyone wanting to get strong.

Thanks everyone. I read all these last night. I can't explain what they mean.

I am in a process at work but hopefully the outcome will be better support for ADHD.

I think I am one of those people who is heavily susceptible to social influences, and some of the output of PTs online is hardcore self promotion. I think I might cull some people on Instagram. I like the ones who don't make perfect content.

I don't want to give a negative Impression of PTs to people reading this thread, choosing them is key, not just going with the first one!

If I type out my program here, can you guys help me make it a literal 1 hr in and out? That way I think I will have time to also do a class and a run.

Morning @MistyTrains2 ! Great to hear from you. Hope things go ok at work and you can get a bit more support.

Gym wise - I’m not an expert but yes stick your programme on. What are your goals and what do you enjoy? So for me it’s getting stronger, keeping my cardio fitness up and having time for an outside run which I love.

And yes delete away on Instagram. That stuff gets inside your head. Could you try some journalling/gratitude diary? My Pt does a weekly reflection and the process, even without feedback, is really good and makes you think more kindly of yourself!

Yes sure @MistyTrains2 .

I'm no expert as my programme is always done for me, but I see a lot of programmes as everyone has one at my gym. They're often full body, a combo of push/pull/legs. I'd think about what you enjoy doing and be sure to include those things. Enjoying it is really important too. It should be fun not just a grind. Or if there's anything you want to learn? Do you want to get a pull up for example? Or do push ups? Or build a big deadlift? What would make you feel badass? Then you could build stuff around that goal and then feel the sense of achievement when you nail it

@MistyTrains2 like the others I can only give advice based on my own experience and what I've picked up, but happy to give feedback if it would help. I agree with RayKray that for a programme you need to decide what you want to get out of it. A 'good' programme is one that will get you where you want to be, in a way that is realistic and sustainable. That would look different if your focus is on overall strength, compared to say, building a big butt, compared to gaining your first pull up, compared to building endurance for sport.

Catching up & in a rush, but @MistyTrains2 it sounds as though you've had some exciting 'newbie gains' (oh, nostalgic sigh ...) and hit a plateau. That is the grind place, the medicine place. A member of my family is a professional dancer, and they say that class 6 days a week is never the same, and some days class feels heavy (I dance amateurly & I know exactly what they mean). That's when it's medicine. And you build in strength that does move you on. Just look at my whingeing posts about plateauing. And let's not even talk about diet - I need to drop about 7 kilos and can I do it?? argh. It takes concentration and mindfulness when really all you want to do is eat chocolate biscuits ...

I have the most brilliant PT - I don't have a formal programme with him, but he's my therapist, life coach, and person to have fun with in the 2 sessions a week we do. He should be prescribable on the NHS - he's certainly cheaper than a lot of other healthcare options!

He keeps pushing me, and as I "kneehab" I'm working on maintaining strength and getting mobility and flexibility really up there (ballet training means I have had a lot more flexibility than normal people and need to maintain it).

I follow MegSquats programme Stronger by the Day on days when I'm not training with my PT. Hers is a "non-perfect" aesthetic, as are Jason and Lauren Pak (I first heard about all of these "fitness influencers" in here). I pay $US80 annually for the Stronger by the Day app, so it's really really good value. Try a 7 day free trial to see if you like it.

I am not employed by MegSquats, I just think her programming and overall ethos is great!

I finally bit the bullet and ordered some adjustable dumbbells and I'm really happy with them. It's good timing for me at I'm slowly starting to build back a routine, so it feels like a good time for a new workout - a new toy for a bit of inspiration plus the variety of new exercises means I won't feel frustrated by dropping weight.

Did some DB bench, lunges, RDLs (very light as my single leg balance is awful! And some assisted pull ups, core work and a quick indoor cycle. Going to look up some more unilateral exercises and try and work out a bit of a programme as I know I'm a bit imbalanced left and right after a long time of barbell work.

Another person I like (although I have to grit my teeth about the fact he's just moved to Dubai) is Sean Casey. He's v young and he does cater to weight loss but his ethos is around most people doing a bit better rather than the 1% trying to be perfect. He's not super lean or jacked and he's not trying to be.

Yes, do share @MistyTrains2 , if it would help. These days, I rarely do whole body. My PT sessions are usually overall upper body but often with more of a focus on one skill or on push or pull. My classes are either push or pull, usually a specific skill. And my own sessions are usually either push or pull but at the moment I am combing push and pull because of my back niggle - I can't do a full pull session. Then I do legs once a week, go indoors and use the machines as well as bodyweights, and try to do most single-legged. Because of fitting ion boxing, I'm not doing so many upper body strength sessions a week, so will see how that goes - boxing includes lots of high rep conditioning including push ups and core so may help that end of things. I'm trying to focus my sessions on the strength end with low reps/hard variants.

But when I started I could make progress doing whole body sessions.

I had some great sessions this week. First time doing low reps in many weeks and I've definitely got a lot stronger! V exciting to see what is coming. The process works.

@RayKray I've been doing lifts at low weights very slowly as part of my 'kneehab', and it's tough! I was doing DLs at only 40 kilos but on a count of 5 up 5 down, and sets of 8. After 5 sets of those I was tired. Also very high one leg step ups, lowering sloooowly. and then verrrry slow thrusters with 7.5 k dumbbells so a tiddley 15 kilos, but slowly (8 counts down 8 counts up). The thrusters were a way of testing my squat depth and I'm glad to say, I got back to just below parallel (I have a deep squat usually), albeit with tiny weights.

Might be able to squat properly in the new year, if the physio gives me the all clear.

I love doing things slow so I can really feel them. As much as I love heavy low reps cos they're cool, I'm always sad when they're over. Fingers crossed for the squat!