Sorry, this isn’t paranormal but I couldn’t think where else to put it.
I have a very regular dream in which I’m on holiday, self catering, and it’s the day to come home, so you know you have to usually be out by 10am so the house or flat or whatever can be cleaned and prepared for the next guest.
In my dream I haven’t packed up at all and it’s time we were out but I’m nowhere near ready and I’m panicking and the cleaners have turned up or are about to.
It only varied once and that time it was the day I was going on holiday and I was grabbing clothes at random to take including some which were still wet from being washed. But otherwise it’s always been the last day of the holiday. There’s also a sense of we meant to do this or see that or visit a favourite place while we were on holiday but we haven’t and now it’s too late because we have to go home.
I don’t know if it’s because my mother is 91 and in the later stages of dementia and I’m aware time is slipping away, both in terms of her life and my own. Sometimes it’s a shock to realise I’m 55 and in all likelihood won’t get chance to read all the books I want to read ( I have a houseful of them), watch all the tv programs I’ve recorded etc.
It could also be connected to me really wanting to retire to somewhere we’ve holidayed many times.
Another dream I get quite regularly is I’m driving but I’m facing backwards so it’s really hard to know where I’m going and if I’m going to hit anything. In real life I only just started driving again a few weeks ago after having to stop for two and a half years due to a brain tumour but I’ve got back into it like I never stopped so I don’t think it’s nervousness about driving.
Maybe they both have a similar meaning of being scared of not being ready and not being in control, but for what? My mother’s death? My own death one day?
I was very emotional after the surgery to remove it, crying unexpectedly for months afterwards. I went for counselling and the counsellor said something about grieving. At the time I didn’t really understand what she meant but I think now she meant grieving the person I used to be, which was spot on because having the tumour changed me. I put on a brave face till the surgery and then fell apart.
My memory and concentration has been affected. I’m a GP receptionist and it can be very busy. Sometimes I feel like a swan - to the casual onlooker I’m serenely gliding along on the surface, but actually I’m frantically pedalling away below the water.