Strange dream help me understand it please

[Dancingonthemoonlight]

I'm not expecting any replies as this part of mumnset doesn't seem to get a lot of response....

For context me and my teenage son (14) have been going through hell together, he doesn't respect me, doesn't like me and is chronically depressed and expresses how he wants to die at times. He's become violent (punching things etc)

Last night I had a dream it completely unnerved me.

I was downstairs having just come in from the front door after having a fag I presume and my teenager was walking down the stairs except whilst it was my teenager he was younger hazarding a guess perhaps around 10-11 maybe a little younger. Anyway he's walking downstairs and he walks past me in the hallway and goes into the living room where he stands by the patio doors almost in a hunched/huddled position but still stood up (think terrified look) looking scared and crying, his eyes are fixed up towards the stair case is and his bedroom and upstairs I can hear my teenager (the age he is now) shouting and swearing and banging and going crazy, in my head in the dream I'm thinking how can this be possible when your right in front of me. Anyway the eerie thing is that the child before me didn't utter a single word just stood there silently crying and looking terrified at the commotion going off upstairs in his room.. I then forced myself to wake up because I felt really scared and unnerved in my dream and I felt the same upon waking. The dream house layout is exactly how my house is in reality.

I feel like the dream is trying to tell me something, but I'm not 100% on what.. even if the answer may seem blindly obvious it doesn't to me. It's almost like my sons inner child came to me but didn't say a word, and it broke my heart how scared and sad he was.

Does anyone have any ideas?

Did something happen around age 10 to him? A change of circumstances at all?

You may have been given an insight into why your relationship is troubled. Now is the task of unpicking it.

@Elphame his dad committed suicide when he was 9, he didn't have a relationship with his dad really, I'm waiting for some bereavement therapy for him but he refuses to talk.
I'm willing to do anything to help him, I've been trying for years to no avail :(
Part of me thinks his 'inner child' came to me last night seemingly for help maybe? It's hard to know because there was no dialogue from the younger version of my son whilst we listened to the 'today self' of my son. It almost feels like it wasn't dream in some ways.

Can I ask why he didn't have therapy when his dad died immediately? 5 years is a long time and now he's kicking back, the inner child was trying to tell you this is what is going to happen to me in the future.

For context me and my teenage son (14) have been going through hell together, he doesn't respect me, doesn't like me and is chronically depressed and expresses how he wants to die at times. He's become violent (punching things etc)

No, that's not true, he's grieving and without help, it's gone too far and he really doesn't know how to cope, it's years of pent up anger, he's angry and needs bereavement counselling whether or not they were close, a death is a death at the end of the day. I think you should start with your Doctor who can refer him, perhaps go to the Doctor alone at first and see what they suggest regarding whether or not the Doctor would want to see him personally. It can't go on and needs addressing, I feel that's what your younger son is telling you, take action now.

I am so sorry by the way, this is so difficult to deal with but doing nothing isn't an option.

I'm sorry - that was indeed a dreadful thing to happen to him and I agree with @ShennyInfinity

He desperately needs some help to deal with his feelings. Not having much of a relationship with his father may even be making it worse. He's possibly feeling guilty about that on top of all the other feelings. It's a difficult age for teenage boys too and he's clearly not coping any more.

Do whatever you need to do to get him that therapy as soon as you can for both your sakes. Is private an option?

I think it's your subconscious showing that it's finding it hard to marry up your younger child to who they are now they're older.

He did have bereavement therapy, they saw him 3 times and said they couldn't do anymore because he didn't know his dad, he's on the waiting list for therapy specifically for people who have been bereaved by suicide but the waiting list is long :( he won't talk to anyone about anything that bothers him. He just gets angry but only ever at me. It's ripping us apart. I'm called from a pig to a dog regularly :(

@Dancingonthemoonlight I'm sorry to hear about what you and your son are going through. The dream does seem to be pointing you towards the cause of his pain and is encouraging you to have compassion for the child that is hurting within.

He didn't know his dad well, but it's a dark cloud for any child to carry. Can I ask, what are the sources of joy in his/your life? Does he have hobbies, friends, interests? Are there things you do together that he loves?

Personally I find talking therapies can be very heavy and there are multiple ways of dealing with something - finding joy and moving on, if you can, is just as important (appreciate some people need therapy to be able to do this though).

Also I hope you are letting him know that language towards you hurts and is TOTALLY unacceptable , and no way for a young man to talk to his mother. I understand he's going through something but regardless, that can't be tolerated. I'm sure you're doing this though and it sounds really tough. X