I have never remembered a dream and have no childhood memories

[DefineHappy]

I assume I dream - as everyone supposedly does, but I have never remembered a dream or even had a hint of any daydream.

I also have no childhood memories before the age of 8, and then only 1 quite traumatic memory (I was injured) at age 8, and then a few snapshot memories of the next 10 years.

I often forget my age and have to work it out from my birth year, and after reading about it recently have realised I have aphantasia/a blind “mind’s eye” - the inability to mentally visualise my thoughts.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? Any thoughts about my situation would be welcome.

I also have no ( very few) childhood memories, earliest one I can actually remember is my 8th birthday. I’ve seen lots of photos of me as a child but it doesn’t trigger memories and I have siblings who can remember their childhood and there was no trauma just a normal happy childhood that I just can’t remember. In fact one of my siblings has a very enhanced memory I joke that they got my ability to remember things as well as their own. I still struggle with memory as an adult even very important days in my life like my wedding day, birth of my children, big holidays are all just shadowy memories, like you I can’t visualise my memories. I rely on my DH a lot to be the keeper of memories. I just don’t seem to have a mental filing cabinet that I can reach into and bring out a clear memory. I asked my GP about it once and she said unless there has been any change then it’s just how my brain works. I worry about being at greater risk of dementia as I get older.
But I do remember dreams, I had particularly unsettling and vivid COVID dreams.
The bit I don’t fully understand is that in other ways I have a good memory I can recall facts and figures quite well, I’m okay at quizzes and have decent general knowledge and can remember plots of books or films. Brains are funny things!

Dd has no childhood memories. She's been diagnosed with ptsd and the Drs have said it's due to trauma.

What was your childhood injury?

I have very few childhood memories that I presume is because my brain is trying to protect me. My mother was an emotional terrorist and left me with bad anxiety and a form PTSD. That is why I don't remember much at all.

Have you seen your GP about this? It sounds like classic PTSD from the injury you mentioned, and there is help out there for you!

I'd consult with a therapist who is experienced in dealing with trauma.

Sounds very much a trauma reaction.

@DefineHappy I am exactly the same and also suffer from aphantasia !

Maybe b6

I remember lots of my dreams, but I can't picture anything in my mind's eye, and I have very little memories from childhood, most of my memories start from the tweenage/teenage years onwards, and even then I don't remember a great deal.

I wasn’t sure I’d get any responses, so thank you for your posts!

My trauma was being hit in the head when a door was flung open. I was at school, walking through an outside corridor and a classroom door was thrown open (it was the only way to get to the toilets and the door wasn’t supposed to be opened during class time).

The deadbolt/lock part that retracts when the handle is turned cut my forehead to the bone. Luckily I was short, or I would have lost my eye. I still have a 10cm scar from hairline to just above my eyebrow.

The types of things I have no memories of from my childhood are any memories at all of my younger siblings being born, and their/our childhoods, pets we had, birthdays, Christmas, people I went to school with, books I read, school events, everything really….

I have maybe 4 or 5 memories total from aged 10 - 14, each is a snapshot/recall of an intense emotional moment. Nothing else exists as a memory - there is just nothing else there.

I have a similar number of memories from the rest of my life until now, no real memories of my DCs birth, my wedding, etc. I find it really difficult to remember people’s faces or names. It just feels like a void.

Yes I have this too and Aphantasia.

I had a traumatic bereavement as a child and wonder whether this caused my memory problems. I would also blackout regularly after the event.

I have exactly the same, I will occasionally have a really intense self-awareness of a moment in time and know that will probably become a memory, but otherwise no.
I have a very intense memory of when I was about 11 running along the side of the house in the sunshine, and not much else really from before about 16.

I've always assumed I just have the opposite of a photographic memory.

This is interesting. DH had a crummy childhood with an absent birth mother who was then abusive when he did see her (NC these days). He also has no visual memory - I wonder if trauma is a part of this?

I'm basing this on the small population here of course so this could be a red herring, but does anyone have any insight?

It's called sdam severely deficient autobiographical memory, it can be linked to aphantasia.

My dh has very little memory of his childhood and he also finds it difficult to imagine scenes in his head. He has dyslexia and children with dyslexia often struggle to picture a story in their mind while reading so have difficulties relating the story back. People who make pictures do it so automatically they hardly realise they are doing it. He also has to subtract numbers to get his age and doesn't remember children's birth dates etc. I am the complete opposite with a memory like a bloody elephant never forgetting anything which is a pain at times as too many memories is not good either.
Have you got dyslexia?

My DH has aphantasia. We only realised a few years ago when there was some coverage about it in the news - until then he had no idea that other people can 'see' things in their mind, and still struggles to grasp the idea that other people can, which is understandable really.

He only very, very rarely remembers dreams (maybe once a year?). He knows logically he must be dreaming because it is essential for brain function, but perhaps the way he dreams is different to other people (my dreams are very visual). He also has a very poor memory of his childhood, which again seems likely to be linked to the fact he can't store visual memories.

No early trauma or anything though - he had a very happy childhood. It is just the way he is wired.

@Duckypoohs

It's called sdam severely deficient autobiographical memory, it can be linked to aphantasia.

That's really interesting, I've just read an article on it. Mine isn't anywhere near that severe but there's a lot that's definitely the same especially with things I didn't expect to be related like not being able to see more than one move ahead in chess.

I don't have aphantasia though so it's not always that they both go together - maybe my mental pictures aren't as vivid or detailed? I have no idea what other people get to compare :D

@DefineHappy you are describing me as well - I had a lightbulb moment when I read about aphantasia. I have maybe a couple of memories before 12, a difficult childhood and trauma at 12. I don't dream in pictures. I'm sure the trauma has something to do with it. My dd is similar to me ( both have some ASD traits, not diagnosed) and she struggles to picture things but has a great childhood memory- no childhood trauma.

@JumpLeadsForTwo - it is definitely a lightbulb moment. Suddenly everything fits within the definition of Aphantasia, but it also demonstrates just how differently from typical my experiences are.

It is interesting you mention ASD, as my DC is currently being assessed for ASD, and I am debating following through on a diagnosis myself (very strong indicators suggest a diagnosis).